Kassachusettes

“ONCOMING CAR!!! You WILL die!!!”

Meanwhile my “can’t do high school math” ass is just like “nah” and I’m always right.

That’s got to be infuriating if you’re my car. Like you’re a machine powerful enough to have been considered a supercomputer in any time but our own, and you’re still outclassed in computation by a hairless ape who was turned down from taking high school calculus for being too bad at math. It’s using all the power at its disposal to stop me from dying, meanwhile, I’m thinking about what I’ll eat for lunch and humming along to the radio, and I still win in this battle of mathematical perception. It’s gotta suck.

Grabbing some milk from the fridge: I MISS THE OLD SMOSH

Awkward silence in conversation: WHAT CAN'T WOMEN DO?

Trying to sleep: THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT 9/11

/s

Plumber bees?

What about stone-masonry bees??

Electrician bees???