Life.And.Times.Of.A.Crazy.

What ABOUT Ilya makes people even think that he would want to be dogwalked. The part where he grew up feeling totally out of control of his own circumstances? The part where he started having sex at a young age SPECIFICALLY to feel more in control, both in his own body and in his life? The part where he reroutes the upper hand into his own every time he receives even a little bit of pushback from a partner ("Why the fuck did you think it was okay to sext me before the game?" "You were hard, weren't you?") The part where we consistently see him initiate and lead and control the circumstances of his and Shane's sex going back to the very first time? The part where we see that he is so used to having his orders followed with Shane that Shane doesn't even question Ilya's dominion over SHANE'S OWN SPACE IN HIS OWN HOUSE (Shane wanted those blinds down badly enough to get off the bed and find the remote; Ilya takes it and says 'No' and Shane practically goes fucking limp) like. Okay!! I guess!!

@ilyapasta in response to your prompt about favorite moments from the show, just imagine me narrating the entirety of episode 6 like this. That’s my favorite part.

shane bagged ilya this. shane turned ilya into a wife that. WRONG. ilya locked himself down. that boy couldn't wait. he was marking down the days on the calendar. he put that leash in shane's hands. you love me back? GOOD. now you can finally see what loverboy3000 is really capable of hollander. you are not ready.

going chronologically was of course the right choice for the show but man i love the prologue in heated rivalry so bad. boston montreal game. these two guys are trying to kill each other on the ice. the audience is frothing at the mouth. the montreal metros lose the game and they are coming up with ways to kill rozanov if the purge ever happens. and then when shane gets home there's a knock on the door and he's opening it with a "what took you so long". remember the two guys who were just trying to kill each other? Surprise! they are having incredibly tender sex. shane's inner monologue the whole time is "i am a bad seed on this earth (for wanting to fuck men). everything i want (fucking men) is horrible and fucked up. i am evil. i am evil. i am evil but i will find a wife. yes btw this has been going on for seven years and he has ruined me for anyone else. but i am NOT in LOVE."

Whatever you do don't think about Shane needing his reading glasses to read menu's in restaurants and bars when he's older and Ilya not knowing how to act every single time

shane and ilya coming home from a morning jog that turned into a sprint because it started pouring down out of nowhere and now they're both soaking wet and panting and laughing as they're grabbing each other's waists and arms and asses and pulling each other in closecloseclose and towards the shower leaving a wet trail of disgarded shoes and socks and shorts on the floor in their wake because of course running back home in the rain turned into a competition which in turn turned them both on and now they obviously need to fuck about it god bless

ilya sees this old trend where someone holds out a hand to their partner to see what their partner would give them so he comes over to try it with shane who’s on the sofa. he holds out his hand and shane gives him the remote. he tosses the remote aside. shane looks a bit confused. he gives ilya his phone. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya a pillow. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya his hand. ilya shakes it out. his face squints in confusion before coming up with an idea and rests his chin on ilya’s hand. and okay, well, the challenge is just to annoy your partner, but holy fuck shane looks so fucking cute with his big brown eyes looking up at ilya waiting for his approval so ilya just really has to smile and kisses him about it.