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Hello. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and I'm cutting to the chase. I can't continue My Dear Hatchet Man. Yes, I'm cancelling the game's development. I have paused the Patreon membership, so none of you will be charged for this month.
Now, there are multiple reasons for this decision. Both internal and external. The two most recent were a health scare due to my chronic illness, to the point I was bedridden, and a car accident. I kept having to put MDHM aside because of these emergencies, dragging the game out longer than it should. These things are costly, and I have to pay the voice actors, the programmer, the writers, etc. However, I can barely make ends meet. Making extra content, such as the NSFW audios or merch, could only do so much. Relying on the game as my main financial support only kept me stuck in a loop.
Making the game became a grueling task that I couldn't handle anymore. Even when I reached for help to advance the game, the progress remained stagnant. All responsibility still fell on me, and I hated working on the game. I felt miserable and lost passion with MDHM. It became obvious over time. Cutting ties with previous peers due to petty drama and online harassment towards my friends didn't help either. It only made me trust less, and I wasn't the type to address that publicly.
All I have to blame is myself for being put in this situation.
I already told the staff and voice actors for the characters the news, and I'll allow them to use the likeness of Alan, Erika, Stu, and Carver for personal/financial reasons. As for what happens to the game currently, it's still going to be up for everyone to download and play, because I know you all care for it. Any locked content for the game will be made public as well.
Now I won't leave the internet, and I won't stop making games or creating art. If you don't want to support me any longer because MDHM was the sole reason for it, that's perfectly fine.
If there is a possibility of my coming back to MDHM, only in terms of creating art and nothing less. Maybe, but I will need time.
I appreciated all the fanart, fanfics, and the love you all shared for MDHM. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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thoughts on harlequinâs possible feelings for pierrot / greenapple / pierroquin
okkk so i wanted to make this analysis-type thing because i feel like i need more ppl to see harlequin x pierrot as more than just a joke/crackship bc based on official content so far i feel like itâs a plausible interpretation of the story that harlequin could have had or currently has some sort of one-sided feelings for pierrot (and if anyone wants to validate me for seeing this PLEASE DO IM FEELING CRAZY)
on the surface it can look like pierrot and harlequin hate each other, or that harlequin only messes with pierrot for the fun of it, but i can't help but feel like thereâs something more complex between them. thereâs a lot of reasons why so um idk how iâm gonna organize this but iâll start with jesterâs story, which of course is likely his own interpretation of what happened on that night (and also embellished for the audience), so itâs not the absolute truth but i'm assuming it's accurate for the most part:
harlequin watched the lovers, pierrot and columbina, and felt envy
but what was he envious of? whose attention did he want? itâs not clear. was he envious of what the two had (genuine and tender love)? was it columbinaâs attention? or was it pierrotâs?
what was it that he wanted but couldn't have? again, i believe there could be multiple interpretations. it's possible that it could have been pierrotâs affection that he wanted, but pierrotâs eyes were on columbina instead. so he wanted to steal her away from him so the two couldn't be happy together.
maybe he even wanted to be involved in their happy relationship in some way because it's something he's never had, but didn't realize it or know how to communicate that properly, and so he attempts to ruin their relationship instead.
but in the end, harlequin never got what he wanted from either columbina or pierrot.
on that night, pierrot is barely conscious, and when he wakes, he sees harlequin tearing his beloved apart while smiling and laughing:
pierrot was probablyâŚ.very furious with harlequin that night (i wouldn't be surprised if pierrot had wanted to kill him in that moment) and was still upset for a long while after that. even if harlequin tried to explain his reasons for what he did, would pierrot even listen to harlequin after he betrayed him like that?
i think that harlequin understood that pierrot couldn't forgive him or look at him the same way again after that (and maybe harlequin couldn't forgive himself either).
so harlequin got used to pierrotâs anger towards him, accepted that pierrot could only hate him after what he did. and harlequin has leaned into that, turning into the one who teases and antagonizes pierrot.
if harlequin truly only hated pierrot, why would he care so much about what pierrot does or who he is interested in? if harlequin only hated him and didn't care about him, wouldn't it make more sense to ignore him completely?
yet he doesn't leave pierrot alone. he pays attention to who pierrot is or isn't interested in in the pink tent. he always steals one of pierrotâs sweets, even though they're too sweet for him. he loves to mess with pierrot specifically, because he loves to see his angry reactions.
harlequin calls pierrot âirritatingâ and says he âdisgustsâ him, yet harlequin still cares for his attention enough to pursue someone (mc) specifically and (initially) only because pierrot is interested in them and harlequin wants to see pierrot âlose.â
whether he's aware of it or not, it seems like harlequin craves pierrotâs attention in any way he can get it, even if itâs his anger and disdain. harlequin has accepted that pierrot can only look at him in that way.
by now, harlequin has probably convinced himself that he doesn't need love, not tender love like the kind pierrot and columbina shared, because he believes itâs something he can never have (and especially not with pierrot).
but if pierrot looks at him with anger? itâs better than nothing, because pierrotâs eyes are still on him.
some other things i felt like mentioning:
apparently he followed pierrot at least once when pierrot came to âvisitâ mc at night, because he knows that pierrot âwhispers passionâ to them when they're asleep (stalking the stalker?? okâŚ.)
he acts as if he and pierrot never got along and calls the idea âinsignificantâ:
by acting like it never happened, this could be him rejecting the idea that he ever felt any vulnerable emotions regarding pierrot or was involved with him in a friendly way. he acts like it doesn't matter, but if he cares enough to hide the fact that they used to get along (and saying it in such a seemingly bitter way), ironically it could imply that their friendship had meant something to him (and he's resentful of the fact)
if harlequin had ever craved pierrotâs love, such as when he watched pierrot and columbina and felt envious of their relationship, by now heâs probably so emotionally guarded that heâs convinced himself that he doesn't, that he only likes to tease pierrot for fun and to hurt him. harlequin might act like he doesn't really care about him, that he thinks pierrot is pitiful and disgusting, but still, he pretty clearly has some sort of fixation on him and being on the receiving end of his anger.
also not to mention the way harlequin touches pierrotâs clothes and looks at him it seems kind of uhh a bit Sus (case in point below) (what is he doing):
could the ship work/could pierrot like him back?
ok this is where the reaching/delusion has to happen because so far pierrot does seem to hate his ass most of the time (understandable for him honestly), not enough to kill harlequin of course, but enough to stab him 5 times without hesitation and get annoyed just saying his name/thinking about him. though there is the Fabled ending with both of them so that implies theyâll at least tolerate each other eventually. it could be more like pierrot > mc < harlequin, but honestly i hope that maybe mc could help pierrot and harlequin reconcile with each other and understand what happened between them and columbina, and then maybe eventually all three of them could be a triad AJAHSHDGKDJÂ it may not be very realistic but a queer can dream ok. i want them to be happy.
maybe one day pierrot would be able to see past harlequinâs Very Annoying surface and realize that there's a lonely, emotionally-starved creature beneathâŚ? (but it would probably take a very long time.)
uh Yea i tried not to reach TOO much while writing this. but anyway i think the green one is possibly very gay (in a complicated fucked up way) for the red one and maybe he doesnt even know it. these monsters need help
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thoughts on harlequinâs possible feelings for pierrot / greenapple / pierroquin
okkk so i wanted to make this analysis-type thing because i feel like i need more ppl to see harlequin x pierrot as more than just a joke/crackship bc based on official content so far i feel like itâs a plausible interpretation of the story that harlequin could have had or currently has some sort of one-sided feelings for pierrot (and if anyone wants to validate me for seeing this PLEASE DO IM FEELING CRAZY)
on the surface it can look like pierrot and harlequin hate each other, or that harlequin only messes with pierrot for the fun of it, but i can't help but feel like thereâs something more complex between them. thereâs a lot of reasons why so um idk how iâm gonna organize this but iâll start with jesterâs story, which of course is likely his own interpretation of what happened on that night (and also embellished for the audience), so itâs not the absolute truth but i'm assuming it's accurate for the most part:
harlequin watched the lovers, pierrot and columbina, and felt envy
but what was he envious of? whose attention did he want? itâs not clear. was he envious of what the two had (genuine and tender love)? was it columbinaâs attention? or was it pierrotâs?
what was it that he wanted but couldn't have? again, i believe there could be multiple interpretations. it's possible that it could have been pierrotâs affection that he wanted, but pierrotâs eyes were on columbina instead. so he wanted to steal her away from him so the two couldn't be happy together.
maybe he even wanted to be involved in their happy relationship in some way because it's something he's never had, but didn't realize it or know how to communicate that properly, and so he attempts to ruin their relationship instead.
but in the end, harlequin never got what he wanted from either columbina or pierrot.
on that night, pierrot is barely conscious, and when he wakes, he sees harlequin tearing his beloved apart while smiling and laughing:
pierrot was probablyâŚ.very furious with harlequin that night (i wouldn't be surprised if pierrot had wanted to kill him in that moment) and was still upset for a long while after that. even if harlequin tried to explain his reasons for what he did, would pierrot even listen to harlequin after he betrayed him like that?
i think that harlequin understood that pierrot couldn't forgive him or look at him the same way again after that (and maybe harlequin couldn't forgive himself either).
so harlequin got used to pierrotâs anger towards him, accepted that pierrot could only hate him after what he did. and harlequin has leaned into that, turning into the one who teases and antagonizes pierrot.
if harlequin truly only hated pierrot, why would he care so much about what pierrot does or who he is interested in? if harlequin only hated him and didn't care about him, wouldn't it make more sense to ignore him completely?
yet he doesn't leave pierrot alone. he pays attention to who pierrot is or isn't interested in in the pink tent. he always steals one of pierrotâs sweets, even though they're too sweet for him. he loves to mess with pierrot specifically, because he loves to see his angry reactions.
harlequin calls pierrot âirritatingâ and says he âdisgustsâ him, yet harlequin still cares for his attention enough to pursue someone (mc) specifically and (initially) only because pierrot is interested in them and harlequin wants to see pierrot âlose.â
whether he's aware of it or not, it seems like harlequin craves pierrotâs attention in any way he can get it, even if itâs his anger and disdain. harlequin has accepted that pierrot can only look at him in that way.
by now, harlequin has probably convinced himself that he doesn't need love, not tender love like the kind pierrot and columbina shared, because he believes itâs something he can never have (and especially not with pierrot).
but if pierrot looks at him with anger? itâs better than nothing, because pierrotâs eyes are still on him.
some other things i felt like mentioning:
apparently he followed pierrot at least once when pierrot came to âvisitâ mc at night, because he knows that pierrot âwhispers passionâ to them when they're asleep (stalking the stalker?? okâŚ.)
he acts as if he and pierrot never got along and calls the idea âinsignificantâ:
by acting like it never happened, this could be him rejecting the idea that he ever felt any vulnerable emotions regarding pierrot or was involved with him in a friendly way. he acts like it doesn't matter, but if he cares enough to hide the fact that they used to get along (and saying it in such a seemingly bitter way), ironically it could imply that their friendship had meant something to him (and he's resentful of the fact)
if harlequin had ever craved pierrotâs love, such as when he watched pierrot and columbina and felt envious of their relationship, by now heâs probably so emotionally guarded that heâs convinced himself that he doesn't, that he only likes to tease pierrot for fun and to hurt him. harlequin might act like he doesn't really care about him, that he thinks pierrot is pitiful and disgusting, but still, he pretty clearly has some sort of fixation on him and being on the receiving end of his anger.
also not to mention the way harlequin touches pierrotâs clothes and looks at him it seems kind of uhh a bit Sus (case in point below) (what is he doing):
could the ship work/could pierrot like him back?
ok this is where the reaching/delusion has to happen because so far pierrot does seem to hate his ass most of the time (understandable for him honestly), not enough to kill harlequin of course, but enough to stab him 5 times without hesitation and get annoyed just saying his name/thinking about him. though there is the Fabled ending with both of them so that implies theyâll at least tolerate each other eventually. it could be more like pierrot > mc < harlequin, but honestly i hope that maybe mc could help pierrot and harlequin reconcile with each other and understand what happened between them and columbina, and then maybe eventually all three of them could be a triad AJAHSHDGKDJÂ it may not be very realistic but a queer can dream ok. i want them to be happy.
maybe one day pierrot would be able to see past harlequinâs Very Annoying surface and realize that there's a lonely, emotionally-starved creature beneathâŚ? (but it would probably take a very long time.)
uh Yea i tried not to reach TOO much while writing this. but anyway i think the green one is possibly very gay (in a complicated fucked up way) for the red one and maybe he doesnt even know it. these monsters need help
Oh a classic ship of âif I canât make you love me, Iâll make you hate me insteadâ, a mainstay of fandom circa the early-to-mid 2000âs /silly
But jokes aside, these are some FANTASTIC points! While I canât give you much aid or help into Harlequinâs thoughts with the start of the game, we absolutely do have a chance to really dig into his psyche and character as the game progressesâ I myself even questioned who exactly Harlequin was more jealous of from Jesterâs storytelling, and from all my experience in fandom I can tell that, as the old saying goes: âsomething queer is happening hereâŚâ when it comes to Harlequin and Pierrot.
Especially when you remember that this whole damn circus is traumatized and fucked up royally by their treatment and experiences, its not surprising that Harlequin might have some deluded or vastly incorrect way of interpreting love and affectionâ if we compare how he acts whenever the MC shows him *genuine* love, he always reacts with surprise and what seems to be some level of genuine discomfort⌠because heâs just not used to it. This is a character who has developed all sorts of emotional walls and boundaries, who has developed genuinely horrible habits of (lacking) self-care to avoid getting himself hurt, and Iâm frankly surprised the majority of the fandom hasnât clocked that yet!
Pierrot likewise is just as complicatedâ he knows love as obsession, he knows emotions in their extremes, and he also has every right to feel the way he does after what Harlequin did (though keep in mind we still donât know a lot of the reasons behind that OR what genuinely Harlequin was thinking when it happened).
Their ship can work, I openly talk about it myself in how much I enjoy it. I adore the emotional complexity that these characters have to explore together since a genuine old friendship IS THERE, thereâs just a lot of grief and pain to mend, a lot of things to discuss, a lot of heartache for each of them to understand.
OH MY GOD, THANK YOU FOR POINTING ALL OF THIS OUT BECAUSE THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I FELT ABOUT IT EVEN BEFORE DAY 2 CAME OUT. The one comic that explains why Pierrot keeps his hair short felt like he showed care for Pierrot without wanting to make it obvious by ragebaiting him while protecting him from that bottle one of the people threw their way
I wouldn't call it the 'best game ever made' or 'the greatest game of all time'â mostly because we tend to think of more traditional video games with that label (like Skyrim or Pokemon or Minecraft). It still is a game, of courseâ a visual novel!
In that regard I would call The Freak Circus more like a story, an interactive story that you are part of as the player. Stories can be complex, just as much as the characters within them. You can have really bad stories with hollow themes and one-dimensional characters, a pace that moves too quickly or slowly or plot points that make absolutely no sense.
But you can also have good storiesâ stories that have characters with their own feelings and perceptions and preferences, a compelling plot or world that immerses you, of conflicts and issues that feel organic and genuine as are the solutions to those issues. Sometimes good stories are messy. Sometimes they're painful. Often times, they bring out emotions from us because we can genuinely empathize with the characters and their pain, their joy, their anger.
And I would call The Freak Circus a really good story at its heart. Neko has done a fantastic job with telling a story about a group of traumatized individuals who have bonded with one another and have tried to make a life for themselves.... but that trauma has not healed. It is still there, still gripping each of them in different ways and severities. Grief is a horrible pain, one that I myself have experienced in many different ways (the loss of a family member, the loss of friendships, the loss of health or connection with people I've known), and it can do a lot of things to a person.
One could even say that grief is a theme of The Freak Circus, grief and autonomy and how they impact us and how we see the world and its peoples. How do you move forward when something horribly traumatic happens to you? When you've lost someone you've cared about? When you've been abused and starved?
All of the circus is grieving in some way or another, and all of them have some trauma with a sense of their own autonomy and their inherent right to it, to make decisions and have their own feelings on something.
And then there's you, the MC, the player character.
Through your actions and decisions, you can decide how this story may endâ through the route that you follow, you can decide whether you fall for Pierrot, for Harlequin, for both of them at the same time or not at all. These are all separate routes, and each one handles these themes of grief and autonomy differently because these characters all have their own stories to tell and growth to go through.
If you happen to choose the route where you romance both Pierrot and Harlequin at the same time (a polyamorous route), they may also develop feelings for one another at same time. These feelings may have been there before, they also might notâ these feelings may be romantic, but itâs up to the player on how they choose to interpret them.
If you donât like the possibility that Pierrot and Harlequin could have romantic feelings for eachother AND you as the player character in that polyamorous route, then this game may not be the story for you.
There nothing wrong if that makes you uncomfortable and you choose to avoid it, you donât need a reason to dislike itâ but that possibility will be there in one of the four routes currently planned for the game. You as the MC choose how these character heal from their pain and trauma. How they grow and change as characters together and alone and with the MC.
Because this isnât a dating game or an otomeâ itâs a visual novel. Itâs a story, and itâs a damn good story at that. And your version of that story might be different from someone elseâs and thatâs okay. The fact that a possibility exists that two of these traumatized characters might find healing and forgiveness and romance in one another alongside the love and warmth of the MC at the same time in a polyamorous relationship is okay.
But if that possibility, the mere possibility genuinely upsets you, then I say with empathy, honesty and respect to your own mental health that you might need to go find another game that suits what youâre looking for.
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