The Rose's Thorn

Introduction

While a Hippie Punk can take many forms, this book is primarily on how to carry Hippie Punks that are small, short, petite-

Doesn’t petite imply both short and small?

CAN I AT LEAST GET THROUGH THE INTRODUCTION?!

If Logan would interrupt you, so will I.

Logan interrupts everyone, and more importantly, you’re not Logan. You’re my Lady in Ace-ing.

Exactly, and this book was inspired by me, so I get a say in it. You would want a say if I wrote a book on Steampunks.

......Valid point, darling. How about this, can I say what I want to say, and then you give your take on it? Both sides of the story, both of us are happy.

Hmmmm, okay. But I will be criticizing your writing, on Virgil’s orders.

Of course they found out about this. Well, this is as good an introduction as any, I guess. It shows your attitude anyways.

If you don’t get to the next part, I swear-

Valuable Reasons to Carry Your Hippie Punk

Your Hippie Punk could be carried for a myriad of reasons. In my own personal experience, I have found the most common reasons include comfort, transportation, injury, and punishment.

And kidnapping.

I was not kidnapping you, I was merely surprising you and helping you boost your confidence. And it clearly worked if you’re publicly criticizing my writing.

I am not criticizing your writing yet, I’m criticizing your willingness to leave out information. Also, you kidnapped me. You had me meet you at a primary location, then proceeded to grab me and take me to a secondary location. JJ Bittenbinder would be impressed I came back alive.

Who?

STREET SMARTS! 

......This is another John Mulaney thing, isn’t it?

Virgil told me his routines were on Netflix, and I couldn’t sleep last night.

Stop listening to the Stormcloud. It’s hard enough to get you to sleep normally. 

Look, I’m not sleeping either way, it’s either be distracted and entertained by Netflix or be haunted by my thoughts. Pick one.

.......Netflix. At least you’re resting, which could lead to sleep. But also, that’s another reason, TO GET YOUR HIPPIE PUNK TO BED!

HIPPIE PUNK REBELLION! SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

I can tell you’re tired, you’re normally not this crazy.

I’m always tired. What’s next?

Ways To Carry Your Hippie Punk

How you carry your hippie punk is incredibly important, especially WHY you’re carrying them. At no point do you ever want to accidentally hurt your hippie punk, they mean far too much to you, and you love them......Any thoughts, Annika?

.........No.

I love you too. Anyways, a basic way to carry them is what society would call bridal style. Which is a really stupid name. What if a bride wanted to carry her husband? What would you call it then?

Petition to rename it Comfort Carry?

I knew you were comforted by it.

Only in comparison to the other ways you carry me. My legs still fall asleep if you carry me like that for too long. 

You mean fully asleep. You literally fell asleep once when I was carrying you.

What? When?

Last week. We were at that ice cream place, and it was super late.

Oh yea. I don’t remember a lot of that.

Because you finished your ice cream and then immediately fell asleep on Patton. It was actually funny, because Logan moved to grab your dish, and you just grabbed him and pulled him down by his tie. While still asleep, I might add. Oh, I wish I had been recording it, he let out this noise that’s really hard to describe, but it kinda sounded like if a reindeer got laryngitis. I picked you up so he could get back the composure he pretends to have.

Oh. I’ll apologize to him when I see him. 

Don’t bother, we all laughed, he got over it. I think Patton got it on video, I’ll ask him about it. Anyways, it’s now the Comfort Carry. I highly recommend this method because your hippie punk will be adorable as they snuggle into you, especially with their hair falling in their beautiful face......why are you blushing?

I’m not good with compliments. Also, this is the part where you describe different ways to carry your hippie punk, not make your hippie punk redder than Sebastian the Lobster.

Fine, fine. The next way is to throw them over your shoulder. Be very careful with this position, especially if you’re wearing a jacket with spikes. It’s useful to slightly embarrass your hippie punk as punishment. Such as when she’s not eating.

Hippie punks are on every side of the gender spectrum, please fix the pronoun. 

When THEY’RE not eating.

Thank you. I am here to look out for my fellow hippie punks, since they cannot be here to speak for themselves.

You sound like the Lorax.

I am the Annika, and I speak for the Hippie Punks. And I have a few things that I need to debunk. There’s more to the story than what’s on the page, for the Steampunk who wrote it lives on the stage. Actions speak louder than words, so I hear. So I have appeared to set the record clear.

And yet you still refuse to be in one of my plays. I didn’t know you did improv.

Eh. Unfortunately for you, it states in the Hippie Punk-Steampunk Treaty that Steampunks cannot carry Hippie Punks if it requires dropping them off at a stage for a performance.

.........Did Logan put that clause in?

He makes a really good lawyer at desperate times.

Of course........was that a compliment or an insult?

Logan would know, but he’s not here to defend himself, so who cares?

Be nice, Annika, that’s mean.

Now you sound like Patton- He wants a copy of this by the way.

I’ll think about it. What part of this book was I on?

Uh, ways to carry your hippie punk. We did the now correctly named Comfort Carry, and over the shoulder. With a warning on spiked jackets.

Oh, right. Anyways, the last way is to give them a piggy back ride. This is personally my favorite way because generally, you see your hippie punk at their happiest here. They like being with you, they like being close to you, and they trust you.....Any thoughts, Annika?

Summed the last one up perfectly. But we do probably need disclaimers.

Oh, shit, yea. Um, to all the Steampunks who follow this book, don’t take it word for word. You know your Hippie Punk better than I do, so talk with them, and be careful when picking them up. Like I said earlier, they mean far too much to you.....even if it is an accident, don’t hurt them, physically or emotionally.

And to all my Hippie Punks out there, while it can be comforting most of the time, speak up if you’re uncomfortable. You do have to trust your Steampunk to not drop you, but you also have the right to say ‘PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN’ when you want. And the Steampunks better do so, if they don’t, stab them with their own spikes.

As a Steampunk, I approve of that last message. Don’t be assholes to your Hippie Punks.

Hmmmm.....yea.

I think your late night Netflix binging is catching up to you. Let’s go take a nap, okay, darling?

I’m too tired to walk.

Well, that’s the point of this book. To all my Steampunks out there, happy carrying!

And to all my Hippie Punks, be lazy as fuck. It’s the benefit to being carried at random.

Yep, that’s the benefit. The only benefit.

.........I love you, Roman. Even if you throw me over your shoulder way too much. 

I love you too, Annika.........hey, is this thing still on-

                                                       ....

AN: This started as a genuine dumb book Roman would have written and then narrated (hence the last line), but it somehow turned into ‘Annika basically hijacked the recording and just completely derailed it and Roman loves Annika too much to do anything about it’. So yea. Enjoy this random thing that popped in my head.