Cup o' Cappuccino

First of all, let's get one big thing out of the way - Berdly does NOT have romantic feelings for Noelle. I feel like if you're a dedicated Deltarune fan then you know this, but I think a lot of people still misunderstand this plot point because of the way it unfolds and goes against what most players initially read the situation as.

In Chapter 2, after the ferris wheel scene, Berdly admits to Noelle that he never actually liked her romantically, and was only pretending to have a crush on her. Why? Because he thought she had a crush on him, and wanted to try and reciprocate those feelings to make her happy.

Now obviously Noelle does not have a crush on Berdly (and is also heavily implied to be a lesbian). She doesn't ever really act like she does either. So why does Berdly think this? Well, apparently it's because Noelle was always helping him and being nice to him. That's... not really good evidence of a crush. 😅 The fact that Berdly thinks that someone would only be nice to him because they're romantically interested in him is... slightly worrying. It certainly doesn't sound like something someone with good self esteem would say. But that's not really my main focus for the purposes of this post.

It also betrays Berdly's fundamental lack of understanding surrounding romance, something which is shown time and time again and which I'll be talking a lot about in this post. In this instance specifically, he misinterprets basic friendliness as being an indication of romantic interest. And it's likely not out of egotism either - Berdly doesn't like her back, and in fact goes out of his way to try and force himself to. It seems like he just genuinely can't really tell when someone is or isn't interested in him romantically.

But on that topic - this situation with Noelle is the main reason why I see him as aromantic. For whatever reason, he misunderstands her feelings and believes she has a crush on him. And his response to this is not to tell her he doesn't like her back, but instead to try and force himself to... because he really values her as a friend, and didn't want to lose that or make her unhappy.

This is quite a familiar situation for a lot of aromantic people. Because romance is considered more important than platonic bonds in society, when aro people find out a friend is interested in them, many may try to force themself to reciprocate those feelings out of fear of losing that friend if they reject them. This is of course not an experience limited to just aromantic people, but it definitely resonates. It also ties into the loneliness that a lot of aro people feel - society treats it as normal for people to prioritize their romantic relationships above their friendships, and as a result as an aro person, it can often feel like you're being left behind when the people around you start getting in relationships.

Do I think this is all something Berdly is consciously thinking about? No, definitely not. I don't think that Berdly KNOWS he's aromantic - which is also a very common aro experience lol. Many of us take a very long time to understand our identity because it's just not really treated as an option... and even a lot of queer spaces still treat romance as a given thing that everyone experiences. -_-

And to address Berdly's behavior in Chapter 4 - it's clear that he's "backslid" in terms of his development overall, which is likely due to him still believing that Chapter 2 was a dream. He made a lot of progress in the Dark World, but once he wakes up it doesn't all quite "stick," since he didn't think it was real. It's clear that it has still affected him though of course, judging from his desperation to talk to Kris and Susie in the library, and his lingering interest in Susie. (Which we will talk about later lol.)

But this applies to his relationship with Noelle as well. He's still acting interested in her, asking her to the festival, despite the fact that we know he doesn't actually like her. A lot of people were harsh on Berdly for this scene, but let's not forget that Berdly still thinks Noelle likes him! From his perspective, he'd BE who she wanted to go with and asking her would make her happy. Yes, it comes across as cringe and a bit forceful - which is why Susie reacts the way she does - but Berdly isn't trying to force Noelle to be with him. He's forcing HIMSELF to be with HER because he thinks that's what she wants. He literally says that he's doing it as an "act of charity." It's not malicious, it's just stupidity with good intentions. 😔

(We also see in this scene that Noelle's backslid a bit too! She learned to stand up for herself more in Chapter 2, but just like Berdly, those lessons are harder to apply to their real lives than it may seem at first. Susie basically directly points this out, saying "Some people aren't gonna get it 'til you scream "NO". ...did you forget that or something?" They're both struggling to apply what they learned in Chapter 2 to their everyday lives, it just comes across worse on Berdly's part due to the nature of his issues.)

Basically to summarize this part: Berdly valuing the platonic bond he has with Noelle so much that he forces himself to view her romantically, even when he doesn't feel that way, is very reminiscent of aromantic people's experiences.

But now, let's go back to that fundamental lack of understanding of romance I said that Berdly displays. This appears quite a bit. Like I already discussed, he misinterprets Noelle's behavior as her having a crush on him, even when it doesn't really resemble that at all lol. But this is also spotlighted - much to my delight! - in Chapter 4 if his wing got fried back in Chapter 2. If you interact with the flowers next to his hospital bed, he explains that Noelle gave them to him and says this:

* That flower? Noelle "SAID" it was a "get well soon" gift for me. * But good grief, is she laying it on thick. ZETTAmeters thick! * FLOWERS? As a HOSPITAL gift? Like that's EVER platonic!

When Susie points out that Asgore brings flowers to Rudy, Berdly says that that's "a bro thing" and "it's different!" Which... putting aside whatever Asgore and Rudy possibly have going on LMAO - I think this scene does a great job at showing what I'm talking about here. Berdly does NOT understand the distinction between romantic and platonic, and abides by these very arbitrary ideas regarding that distinction that feel very uninformed.

This too is a very common aromantic experience, and it's another reason why a lot of aro people take a while to realize they're aro. I've never felt romantic attraction, so despite hearing so much about it from other people, it's still VERY difficult for me to fully understand what it's like for other people and how they distinguish romantic feelings from platonic ones. (After all, it's quite difficult to fully understand something that you've personally never experienced, especially when it comes to stuff like Feelings.)

A lot of my preconceived notions about romance (prior to this realization at least) came from media. For me personally, I always thought basically every single depiction of romance was an exaggeration or simplification, and was INCREDIBLY shocked when I realized that those are things people actually feel. (For example, I was floored when I realized that songs about romance are like... actually about real feelings that person has experienced, and not just a fun completely made-up story. Like I obviously knew that on a surface level, but I did genuinely subconsciously think for most of my life that it was all made up.)

But I also know that there's a lot of aromantic people who had the opposite experience - they fully bought into those ideas of romance from media, and because they were the only exposure to the concept they had, that was how they thought it genuinely worked in reality. (I also very much experienced this when it came to shipping LOL.) From media, we have an idea in our minds about how a person in love is "supposed" to act, which - especially in media for younger audiences - is often very flat and simplified. Thus, this can lead to some aro people imitating that behavior.

That might've been worded a bit confusingly, so for example: in media, characters often are shown doing stuff like doodling them and their crush together with a bunch of hearts or something like that. So a person who is aromantic but not aware of it and has convinced themself they have a crush on someone may also do that - not because they actually "want" to or get any kind of gratification from it, but because that's what they think someone is "supposed" to do when they have a crush. (It's a very similar concept to comphet, just applied to romance in general.)

So going back to Berdly - not only does he not understand romance, but the way he goes about it is also very "flat" and seems to be taken from media. This of course stems from Berdly being a total nerd LOL, but it also reeks of someone who has never actually experienced romance or romantic attraction, and thus is just imitating what he's seen in media.

This ties in nicely with the next and final major topic I want to cover, which is his "crush" on Susie. (There's a reason I put it in quotation marks.) While this is obviously more up to interpretation, I really don't think that Berdly is genuinely romantically interested in Susie. There's multiple reasons why I think this.

First off - it happens SO fast. Berdly initially dislikes Susie, but then he gets some helpful advice from her and suddenly now he's in love with her. It feels strikingly similar to his "crush" on Noelle, does it not? Susie was nice to him once and now he has a crush on her. I think this is once again Berdly misinterpreting things, though this time it's his own feelings.

Over the course of Chapter 2, Berdly comes to respect Susie and view her much more positively than he did before. By the end of the chapter, I think he's developed a strong admiration for her. And because again, he struggles to distinguish romantic and platonic feelings, he misidentifies what he's feeling as being romantically interested in her. ("I admire her and she was nice to me, so surely I must have a crush on HER instead!" ☝️🤓)

It's not just the speed and frankly, surface-level nature of his feelings though. But there's also indication that Berdly doesn't really want to actually date Susie. First off, he says all the "only a kiss from a beautiful gamer girl can save me" stuff at the end of Chapter 2, but when Susie leans in and asks him for clarification about what he said, he suddenly backs down. And when you talk to him later, he repeats himself cheerily but is apparently saying it quiet enough that Susie can't hear him. Like... why?

To me, it reads like Berdly is fine just saying it, but gets apprehensive at the idea of it actually happening. Like, he's talking about Susie kissing him because that's what someone who's in love with her would do, but he doesn't really want to actually kiss her. That part is moreso just personal interpretation though.

What supports this more is his treatment of Susie in Chapter 4. Of course, he's back to his original treatment of her since he thinks Chapter 2 was just a dream. BUT as mentioned before, he still retains some of the "crush on Susie" stuff, showing that it still affected him. What's interesting is that... he doesn't show any initiative about it? He doesn't act like he has a crush on her, even secretly. Instead, he acts like Susie is the one with a crush on him. "She's gone yandere for me" and all that lol. Aside from saying that she'll be one of the "suitors" fighting over him at the festival, he doesn't really say anything to imply that he himself is interested in her. In fact, he actually seems kind of put off by the idea?

* Oh sweet rotisserie Santa! The nightmare IS become real. * Susie, hurting Noelle just to stop me from going with her... * She's... * She's gone yandere for me. * Oh, heavens to yikes! Where's my Dragon Blazers barf bag!?

Right after this though, his face becomes more serious, and he talks about how Susie must be very lonely. While he still frames it as her being "a poor girl with no one to show her tips and tricks," it does show a genuine concern for Susie, and to me it also comes across as Berdly projecting a bit. We know that he himself is incredibly lonely, so I think he empathizes with Susie in that regard :(

But anyways, this is also where I want to go more in-depth with what I was saying before about Berdly's romantic behavior being imitated from media. He talks in anime and video game tropes - calling Susie "yandere," saying that he's "already chosen her route in the VN of life," etc. He proposes that everyone fight over him at the festival and that he'll choose whoever impresses him most - completely ignoring the fact that y'know... if he was actually interested in any of them he would just go with the one he liked. (From what I'm told, love is an "Emotion" that you "Feel" towards someone LOL... it's not something you can just arbitrarily decide.)

This is further backed up by his valentines from one of the newsletters. (While these aren't really canon, they still support that this is part of his characterization.)

Once again, he views romance as some kind of competition a person can win that he can then logically choose to be the target of his affections. Again, that's literally not how romance works... Berdly doesn't understand that a potential partner would be someone he actually feels things for, not just whoever he arbitrarily chooses based on Facts And Logic 🔥

While you can see all this as just stemming from him being romantically inexperienced, it really resonates with me as an aromantic person who absolutely used to randomly choose someone to have a crush on in elementary school, because you were expected to have one. The fact that it was meant to actually Mean anything completely went over my head, and continued to do so for many years afterward. ToT

To me, this behavior of Berdly's doesn't just stem from a lack of experience, but specifically because he himself has never actually experienced romantic attraction towards anyone before, and thus is just blindly stumbling through what he thinks it's supposed to look like based on the media he's consumed. Again - a very common aro experience LOL.

EDIT: Additional section about how amatonormativity plays into Berdly's relationship with Noelle because I actually do want to talk about it:

Berdly heavily relies on Noelle, both as seemingly his only friend and as the person who helps him study. (Which side note but Berdly likely is still fairly smart and only views himself as being a complete idiot who's entirely reliant on Noelle's help to get good grades because of again, low self-esteem - shout out to Stuffed Alpaca's very good Berdly analysis for pointing this out!)

He's incredibly worried about what will happen once he goes somewhere without her, thinking that his "lack of smarts" will become apparent. (And though he doesn't say this part out loud, he'd probably also be completely friendless.)

I think this is part of why Berdly tries so hard to reciprocate Noelle's "feelings" - considering she's likely his only real friend and he views her as the sole reason he's getting good grades, he likely thinks the best thing for him is to try and stay with Noelle as long as possible. And if that means he has to pretend to like her romantically, then that's just what he has to do.

To me, it all feels very reminiscent of amatonormativity, without that necessarily being literally what's going on. (If you're unfamiliar with the term, it basically just means how romance is treated as normal/the default in society.) Because of outside factors, Berdly thinks that forcing himself into a romantic relationship with Noelle is what he needs to do, even though he doesn't like her that way and it would ultimately probably be a very miserable experience for both of them.

Like it's not really LITERALLY amatonormativity (or at least, that's not the sole reason) but like you see what I mean about it kind of feeling that way? It's similar to how Hometown manages to FEEL like a stifling homophobic small town without there actually being any homophobia. It just gives me that Vibe y'know.

That's basically it! I hope this explains why I view Berdly as aro to people who may not have fully understood the headcanon before. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts and opinions on this!