The New Age Dad

As a newborn, my mum ensured that I was thoroughly massaged and rubbed. By the end of it I had enough oil on my body to pass off as a baby seal, screeching and writhing to break free. I say this with utmost confidence because my mum also ensured that embarrassing photographic evidence was available to me at an age-appropriate moment in my life, which I cannot unsee.

In India it’s a norm to hire a malishwali (masseuse) to massage and bathe your baby. We too had decided to hire one for our child. My wife started interviewing a few candidates but wasn’t pleased with the results. Most of them chewed tobacco and we were just not comfortable with this, hygiene-wise. But we pushed on, until very dear friends of ours, Natali Thakkar Asrani and Sandeep Asrani told us that they massaged and bathed their daughter themselves. They really got us thinking, and after much deliberation we decided to do the same. We went ahead and haven’t turned back since.

I wanted very much to be a part of this and we decided to massage her every night once I was back from work around 8.30pm. Here are some pointers I want to share with parents who do decide to massage their newborn.

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India is one of the few countries that has legally banned sex determination due to the prevalence of female foeticide. It a good move administered by the government, considering the perverse aversion by some sects and people of the society to a girl child. As per a Washington post article the world has 101.8 males for every 100 females. And India has 107.6 males for every 100 females. You can clearly see the discrepancy.

But things are changing slowly, small steps being taken in the right direction.

Although it doesn’t stop our population, who are dunked in the treacle of tradition and culture,  to conjure up their own methods to determine the sex of the child; without the use of technology and sometimes just by looking at the pregnant woman (not at all creepy).

The following are the myths that people have over years, decades, even centuries passed on to their progenies on how to determine the sex of a child:

This one is about the mother.

You know the popular parable ‘that when death is close your whole life flashes in front of your eyes.’ But when a brand new life presents itself… nothing flashes in front of your eyes. Your mind goes in limbo, the wee child in your hands is all you can see with lazer-sharp concentration. You don’t blink your eyes because you don’t even want to miss a nano-second of that experience.

I felt like a huge washing machine with every single emotion inside of me being tossed, turned and thrown around in that barrel. But as a father this emotional uprising is nothing compared to what a mother will go through after she has delivered the baby. Postpartum Blues OR Postpartum Depression is very real and during this delicate time the mother will need all your support that she can get.

During the pregnancy a woman produces a lot of hormones to help her through a healthy and sustainable pregnancy. But following delivery these hormones drop rapidly and can bring about serious emotional upheaval – mood swinging, weepiness, a sense of overwhelming and everything in the general region of why-is-this-happening-to-me feeling.

Here are some of the postpartum blues experiences that I have encountered myself... 

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