Ghastly sunset

Fortune Teller reading my palm: It just says “yikes.”

i would die for terry crews but i don’t think he’d let me

One day I hope I am the girl that walks into a room and all eyes are on her. 

The trick is to get a really big hat and then scream

*cartoon sleeping noises* snnnnork mimimimimi

*strums guitar* this song is called i really want to kiss a girl but i dont ever go outside

a lesbian, hammer in hand, nails held between her lips, building a house to impress a women she has interacted with twice and has already fantasized about marrying: Is this flirting? is this what Flirting is?

millenial generation got a little too beaten down and miserable but im delighted to see that gen z seems to be frothing at the mouth and out for blood

Alexa destroy god

Social anxiety is basically Conspiracy Theories about yourself.

Sometimes I think about the future of self driving cars and how everyone I talk to about that future is like “okay but in an emergency we’ll be able to take back manual control, right?” and I usually placate them by saying, yeah, that’s totally how it’ll happen, but actually we’re already seeing the opposite. Cars with “self driving” features like steering and breaking that kick in and take control from the driver if the driver is about to rear end someone or is in a dangerous situation because the truth is computers can think faster and have better reflexes than us and I think about this going into the future and how if the self-driving cars are able to share their data with each other and learn from the driving experiences of every car on the road soon we’ll have cars that are so massively experienced at driving and avoiding accidents and making microsecond decisions and partial degree turns of the wheels and being so damn precise that automobile accidents will be almost unheard of and that’s when we’ll develop the most wasteful hilarious extreme sport in history where a single human driver will go up against an arena of ultra smart self driving cars and just by driving around recklessly try to coral them into crashing into each other and I tell you I would watch that sport all day.

#this didn’t end the way i expected

earlier today i saw that big bang theory was nominated for most popular comedy show over brooklyn nine nine and in this essay i’ll discuss why we, as a species, need another plague

just found out there’s a fetish thing called fin-dom where rich people get off on sending vast amounts of money to people who verbally abuse them and hey just sayin if you’re into that hmu, i got a paypal and i’m mean

current mood: that ridiculous scream r2d2 does when something shitty happens to him

how does ellen degeneres’ wife ever fuck her like. u close ur eyes for a second and thats dory telling u shes gonna raw ur ass all the way to 42 wallaby way sydney

me, applying a hydrating serum to my skin: have a fucking sip babe