♡— Glitter & Sunshine

A Simple Misunderstanding (3.3k) | Hughie might of overheard something he probably shouldn’t have between you and Ben

I Want Them To Hear (3k) | Ben wants to make sure Hughie knows what it actually sounds like when the two of you have sex. In other words, Ben makes damn sure Hughie gets yet another night of no sleep because of the two of you.

A Small Favor In Return (4.8k) | Finding out you’re dating Soldier Boy, your graduate school professor asks you for a small favor. When you tell Ben about it he agrees (much to your surprise) but the only way he’ll do it is if you do a small favor for him in return.

Hard to Believe (581) | Ben tells you something that you weren’t quite expecting

A Big Ask (1.1k) | Ben has a big ask for you

Memories Are All I Have (1.3k) | You’re all Ben thinks about while he’s in Russia

From Russia With Love (1.5k) | You’re the first person Ben goes to see after escaping from Russia

Possessive (2.3k) | Ben is highly against when other men hit on you

Yes Ma'am (1.9k) | Macho Man Ben never thought he’d ever take orders from a woman; but now he does so with a smile (aka Ben is whipped and he doesn’t care)

Adventures in Babysitting (2.5k) | The last thing you wanted was to babysit Soldier Boy — but here you are.

After Everything (1.5k) | You and Ben have a heart to heart

Aren't You Forgetting Something? (4.6k) | Ben forgets one of the most important days in yours and his relationship — your one year anniversary

As some of you may know (but for those that don’t), I work at an SA crisis center where I support survivors and v*ctims of SA and DV, and train volunteers to do the same. I have been doing this work for the past several years, and decided to go into this line of work because of my own experiences involving these topics, and some friends and family that have also gone through it.

Back in April, there were some rumors that my position may be in jeopardy because my position is grant based/funded. So, if the grant is not renewed, then I no longer have a job. If it is renewed, then I have a job. Because of this, I started to panic a bit (rightfully so), and started to look for some positions just in case the grant fell through. 

Fast forward to June. Monthly, I have meetings with the state and people who have the same position as me across the state. One of our members disclosed to us that her center would be closing at the end of the month due to funding issues, giving them only a few weeks notice of this. Due to this, I really started to panic.

I found a position, and interviewed twice for it. It was a university job, investigating SA complaints, etc. I did not tell anyone that I worked with, because I did not want to be considered “not a team player.” I was really confident that I would be getting this job, and was in the process of planning my exit strategy. 

A few weeks later in about mid-July, my boss called me and several others of my team into her office and told us that we would be closing at the end of the year. It was not official, but one of her sources was very good, and would not lie about something like this. In the same day, I received an e-mail from the place that I had interviewed, and they told me that I was not picked for the position. 

I had a breakdown. I told my boss that I could no longer be in the office and asked to leave early. She let me leave early, and I drove to my boyfriend’s house and cried on and off for about 7 hours. 

We did not have a meeting regarding this again until about a month later. During this meeting, I spoke my mind about how I felt (trying to keep it as respectable as I possibly could given that I did not respect their decision to shut down the center because they have had it out for us for years).

We told our volunteers about it, so they did not have to hear it from another source. Me, one of my other co-workers, and my boss told them and me and my co-worker started crying. The two of us went into our boss’ office to calm down, and we laughed for a couple of minutes to cheer ourselves up. Apparently, that was a mistake, as my other co-worker who was not involved in the meeting (she is the snitch of the company and reports every little detail back to higher ups because she does not like my boss). She e-mailed me, my boss, and my co-worker about how disrespectful it was that we were laughing without her (but what she didn’t know is that we had just disclosed the news to our volunteers). Because of this, she told the higher ups, and now we have people from essentially corporate “babysitting” us.

It’s September now, and I have 3 months to find something. I don’t use the word depression lightly, but it’s something that I’ve been experiencing a majority of my life, and with this current situation. I spent a lot time working on myself, making sure that I was happy. I thought 2025 was my year. I got a boyfriend who loves me, and I had a job that I enjoyed. But now, I hate where I am. My boyfriend is jobless, I will be jobless soon, his grandfather is in and out of the hospital.’

The job market is awful, and entry level jobs have been a joke; asking for PhD’s, 10+ years of experience, and the pay is only $12 an hour. That is not what entry level is, and companies do not understand that. There are days when I feel more hopeless than others. And I am trying my best to find the positive in everything. I know that by this time next year, I will hopefully have something better, but I cannot for the life of me picture that right now as much as I try. 

I have been wanting to get back into writing, but it’s hard. That is why I have not been active for the last several months, because there is just one thing after another where I’m trying to hold everything together. I am not looking for pity by any means, but wanted to give an honest update.