"life was never worse but never better"

terms that jean uses for neil in the sunshine court:

I just... he had a little sister that he loved more than anything. he followed thea around like a lost little duckling. he was in love with his best friend and it almost destroyed him. he uses pain to both punish himself and stave off panic attacks. he survived five years of brutal torture and abuse by the skin of his teeth. his parents sold him. his little sister is dead. he wants to burn the house down. he cannot cook or shop for himself. he hates his old teammates. he loves his old teammates. he quite possibly loves his new teammates even more. he frets for the safety of people he barely knows. he's terrified of water, of being bitten, of being hurt again. he laughed when his worst abuser was dethroned and beaten and then tried to kill himself in solidarity.

“He needed to know what Nathaniel was saying in this historic moment.”