A Blog

Hugs in Inuyasha...

“If I have harmed anyone, in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask forgiveness. If anyone has harmed me, in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them. And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that. For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself.

You loved me in silence when I wanted you to scream it from your lungs.

“On days when I feel hatred for myself, I cry because I want to love myself.”

“And I am starting to learn that when someone says ‘I want to die’ it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re holding a gun to their head, ready to jump from a forty story building or swallow the pills they’re hiding under the bed. ‘I want to die’ could be the same as ‘Look at me. I’m in so much pain. I’m failing my classes on purpose. It has been five days since I last took a shower and my breath smells like too much alcohol.’ ‘I want to die’ could be the very definition of ‘I don’t care about anything anymore, and I need someone to help me’ and of course you’d have to help them because they are tired of life or at the very least—send them to someone you know they can trust.”

“At least I knocked.

“It’s funny how we almost began— It was a simple message That became an entire conversation. It was a small touch That became lingering hugs. It was a stolen glance That became longing looks. But it’s funnier, that you think it’s an inside joke. That what we had was a skeleton hiding in a closet. That what we shared was a monster underneath the bed.”

“I hope the universe sends you little signs to remind you of me. It doesn’t have to be much. It doesn’t have to be life changing. Just one small thing from time to time to keep the memories alive. To have my favourite song start on the radio to remind you of how I danced at 2AM in the kitchen that one night is enough. To find an empty cup of tea in the sink even though you could have sworn you haven’t drunk any since I left. To walk past a stranger in the streets and smell my perfume. It‘s the little things that are the worst, after all. The little things that, if combined, have the biggest impact. The things that are so small you barely notice them, the kind that slips in through the cracks and sticks with you. I don’t want you to be in pain. I don’t want you to wish I came back. I just hope you think of me with a smile. I hope you don’t regret a single minute spent with me. It’s all I can ask for.”