Life Is Fun

I won’t be translating verbatim in the beginning, only when it comes to our guy:)

The comedian is comically ‘complaining’ that it is very difficult to be a man in 2017 (referring to the Zeider case).

'Everything you do is taken for pimping. It is the fault of #metoo. What can we do? Here’s a little guide.

Cue to scene in bar.

Guy (to woman): 'Hey, you look tired. Just like a tired pussy.’

Woman: no reaction.

Guy: 'ooookey.’

A voice: 'It’s hard to be a man in 2018.’

Guy: 'you tell me! Even with money and power, it’s less fun.

After #metoo, it’s impossible to distinguish flirting and violence.

Sleeping pills?

The voice:

'In 2018, it is forbidden for men to:

'Use women for their purposes.’

'Oggle them lustfully.’

'Engage in manspreading in busses.’

'Touch women without written permission.’

'Explain anything to women.’

'Flirt with them in an idiotic way.’

'Call them whores (or call escorts, I’m not sure here - garlicbreakfast)

'With one exception…’

Guy (looks startled): 'What? What exception?’

'The voice:

UNLESS YOU’RE CLAES BANG!

The guy: 'Do I look like Claes Bang?’

The voice: 'Wondering? Visit www.erjegclaesbang.dk, print out his picture and do the comparison.

Guy ( does exacly that and concludes): 'Shit.’

The voice: Yes, it’s not given to everyone.

Claes Bang (does the comparison and bingo - he looks like Claes Bang!)

100% new Claes Bang!

So, if you look like Claes Bang, everything is completely different:

Claes walks in the street, says to a woman: 'Your shoes beautifully emphasize your ass!’ Woman smiles.

Goes over to the couple, steals the girl, the guy smiles and says to her: 'Have a good time, darling!’

The conclusion: It’s 2018, and as a simple man, you can do nothing, unless you’re Claes Bang!

please add on this is fucking wild

You know what this does.

this is called a punt gun. IT WAS USED TO HUNT ENTIRE FLOCKS OF DUCKS AT A TIME.

what’s that? you wish you didnt need to dispose of the body? WELL WHY DON’T YOU GET A FUCKING NINE BARELLED SHOTGUN YOU’LL BREAK YOUR ARM BUT YOUR VICTIM WILL BE RED MIST.

Give this to your party in the next dnd campaign. It’s called an apache revolver and every single fucking class can specialize in it.

You know how in a cartoon a gun will bend, and it shoots that direction? Well this fuck decided to create a gun like that, designed to shoot around corners. 

This is called a PARASCOPE, gun. LITERALLY DESIGNED SO YOU DON’T POKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE TRENCHES.

“this isn’t even a gun?” NO IT IS. IT’S CALLED A POCKETKNIFE PISTOL AND WAS MADE FOR HOME DEFENSE. (on a side note we should still make these and have these be the only guns “for self defense” correct me if im wrong.)

“this is a mace?” 

NO DUDE THIS WAS  CALLED KING HENRYS WALKING STICK, AND WAS OWNED BY HIM. IT HAS THREE SMALL HOLES ON THE MACE THAT SHOOT.

take a wild fucking guess how you fire it. JUST GUESS. 

YES. THE GUN IS FIRED BY FUCKING PUNCHING.

THIS IS A FUCKING RING. IT FITS AROUND YOUR FINGER. AND IT’S A GUN. A SIX SHOT GUN 

“well that’s an odd frame for a gun.”

YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT WAS DESIGNED TO REPLACE YOUR BICYCLE FRAME. The reason these were made, was because before the automobile, the best way to transport your gun was on bike. SO WHY NOT HAVE YOUR GUN, BE THE BIKE

Yes. THIS IS DESIGNED TO LOOK LIKE LIPSTICK. IT’S AS BIG AS ONE TOO. I DON’T KNOW IF THESE ARE STILL LEGAL, BUT GALS, THIS COULD BE A GREAT THING TO CARRY WITH YOU.

You see this rifle? IT CAN DESTROY TANKS. AND YES, THIS BADASS MANAGED TO PERFECTLY HANDLE IT’S WEIGHT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=11&v=nKDtpbLx-XM

YOU SEE THIS GUN? IT’S CALLED A SMART GUN. THE ONLY WAY TO FIRE IT IS TO HAVE YOUR FINGERPRINT SCANNED, AND TO BE WEARING THE WATCH THAT COMES WITH IT. NOW THERE IS LITERALLY NO EXCUSE FOR KIDS TAKING THEIR PARENTS GUNS.

YEAH, THIS IS A PEN. For when a writers done with your shit.

This is called a vomit gun. and you’re right! this doesn’t fire bullets. INSTEAD, THIS BITCH SHOOTS A LED LIGHT THATS SO BRIGHT, AND DISORIENTING, THAT IT LITERALLY CAUSES YOU TO VOMIT, FALL OVER FROM INTENSE DIZZINESS, AND BLIND THEM. IT ALSO EMITS PULSES TO DISORIENT THEM, AND HAS A VARIETY OF EFFECTS THAT REALLY FUCK YOU UP. (the effectiveness and everything about it is being questioned, but it IS bright enough to blind you.)

this isn’t a special ammo shotgun.

it’s a grenade launcher.

this is exactly what you think it is.

30 barrel revolver. What the fuck can I think of for witty commentary. Just look at it.

But last time I reblogged one ten/fifteen minutes later I got a call offering me a job

But I reblogged it because I was waiting on hearing back from the job. So there you go.

I WAS WRONG

Don’t know why.