This was previously an anti-willo-verse blog. I will no longer be making that specific type of content, but I will continue to make posts about mental health, disability, CDDs, etc.
You can call me Kenma, but bodily, we are 23 years old, mixed White and Latino (Colombian), and transmasculine. We were diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) at 15 years old. We are in therapy and medicated. We also struggle with disordered eating and have relapsed into bulimia nervosa.
Though we are undiagnosed (and have had long periods of doubt and attempts to live as a singlet), we strongly suspect we have a complex dissociative disorder. I'm of the opinion that we have DID, and we are working on recovery and diagnosis.
I use he/him pronouns only. I am queer. I love videogames, writing, apples and my source.
Who knows how active I will be, given the state of my mental health, but I'm going to attempt to be. This is a side blog, so interactions may come from our main blog.
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Just saw a post by someone saying that they'll continue to complain about endos all the time because it's their blog and then two posts down saw a post from someone saying it's weird when people make hating endos their whole personality.
The internet may be a big place, but this community feels very small sometimes LMAO.
Uh. Well. Hey everybody. It looks like things imploded I guess? I have a tendency to go fully/mostly offline for days or weeks at a time, whether it be due to dissociation or avoidant traits, so I'm mostly out of the loop. I'll probably end up changing my URL, but I was never that into the anti part of everything anyway, moreso just trying to inform about CDDs, childhood trauma, mental health in general, etc. The one thing I will say is that the type of harassment I saw directed at Solivan is absolutely vile and disgusting. I truly could not give less of a fuck about the whole profic thing or what your stance is, but sending anyone, especially a minor, video of their exploitation, telling them to commit suicide, etc is not okay. Ever. That shouldn't even need to be said. I hope that the people who condone that type of behavior grow the fuck up. That's not how you treat anyone, no matter if you disagree with them. Okay, that's it for now.
You know, I really don't like how much of "syscourse" is actually just grown adults intentionally misrepresenting scientific literature and making fallacious arguments to teenagers who are too young to realize that's what they're doing.
Are you "owning the anti-endos" or are you just trying to publicly humiliate a literal child with arguments that would be get you laughed at if you made them in an actual academic setting?
Honestly, if you're a minor you should probably just block any adult who comes onto your blog unprompted to debate you about this stuff. An adult who's looking for a productive conversation won't seek out a child for that. An adult who's looking for an inexperienced target to embarrass in order to make the opposing viewpoint look stupid will, though.
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I love you pwDID. I love you pwOSDD. I love you pwPDID. I love you pwCDDs.
I love you pwCDDs with personality disorders. I love you pwCDDs with physical disabilities. I love you pwCDDs with psychotic disorders. I love you pwCDDs with other mental disabilities.
I love you transgender pwCDDs. I love you lesbian pwCDDs. I love you intersex pwCDDs. I love you gay pwCDDs. I love you nonbinary pwCDDs. I love you bisexual pwCDDs. I love you multigender pwCDDs. I love you pwCDDs who use contradictory labels for any reason.
And I love you anyone else that I didn't list here.
I really donât like how forced syscovery is normalized in both sides of the system community.
Theres obviously the endogenic plural aspect of it, Iâve never liked the whole forceplural or the jokes about making people plural simply due to the harm it could cause a cdd system, and Iâve always found âthe future is pluralâ to be a very endo-centric statement, always sounding to me like cdds are far more of an afterthought to the community idea of plurality.
But even within anti endo system spaces, this behavior is still a thing. I think itâs far better than it used to be, but there are still plenty of people who jump to systemhood whenever somebody experiences mildly related symptoms, or who try and generalize that all people claiming to be endogenic plurals must be systems in denial. Not only is that statement untrue, it could directly harm the people in the endo community who ARE actuwlly systems. We shouldnât go around telling people they might have severe trauma because that is not a conversation that you are qualified to have with somebody, regardless of if you are correct.
[IMG ID: but of course, fuck JKR, you can enjoy HP without supporting her END ID.]
every time i see someone in cdd tags support the works of the most prolific terf who is out there funding the anti-trans movement im reminded of how unsurprising it is that online cdd spaces tend to overwhelmingly exclude transfems.
Only now starting to recover from a migraine, and it's left us completely wiped, so now feels like a good time to remind everyone that mental and physical health are linked. Of course, this is not said to imply that all physical symptoms are due to mental illness nor to undermine any health conditions someone may have. And I will be talking specifically about migraine (the neurological disease) here, but given the prevalence of neurological symptoms in pwCDDs, I'm sure other connections can be made as well.
There have been recent studies suggesting a link between childhood trauma/maltreatment and migraine (1, 2, 3, 4) as well as there being a connection between PTSD and migraine (5). I'm too exhausted to talk in-depth about it at this moment, but I just wanted to point this out. I feel that physical symptoms and conditions are often left out of discussions in the CDD community, and that needs to change. Not only because of the link between neurological symptoms and CDDs/ACEs, but also because we can't forget we are part of the larger disability community.
Worser ability to remember things that had happened
Post on how to handle these kinds of amnesia: click here!
Generalized Amnesia
Where a person completely forgets everything about themself and have no recollection of what, where, and who they spoke to. This can describe a blackout switch and may still recognize who they are.
Localized Amnesia
Where a person is unable to recall a specific/series of event from the whole, which creates an incomplete picture of the situation. For example, remembering childhood but not the abuse.
Selective Amnesia
Where a person only lost some and retain the rest, forgetting parts yet not all of them. This can describe greyouts as it grasps some information/sensory yet not enough to tell what exactly happened. One example is playing the phone and unable to recall what occured, only to jump its memory right to being at bed.
Emotional Amnesia
Where a person has an intact memory and it's details on what had happened, but do not remember what the event feels like (e.g. was scared, happy, etc.). One description is that you're watching something that didn't happen to you, because you don't feel like being in the scene itself.
Continuous Amnesia
Where a person fails to retain full parts of the event/day, for a set period of time (can vary from minutes to days) and create an accumulative, small bits of selective amnesias, continuously, leaving many gaps in a chronological timeline. This usually happens in times or stress, or abuse.
Fragmented Amnesia
Where a person has an unrelated, and/or disjointed memories that does not go with the timeline's order, creating confusion and difficult to grasp the cohesive picture of what truly happened. Emotional amnesia may be present in this type.
Bonus for systems:
Amnesia barriers
Where a person fronting is not able to recall other alter's memories, which is a form of retrograde amnesia and compartmentalization. Because the fronter will only retain any information before switching out with the next one, the rest experiences anterograde amnesia as it cannot form and remember those memories, unless being coconcious or cofronting (even though, this is not always guaranteed).
Take notes that amnesia can still happen outside system things due to comorbidities like anxiety disorders or depression, this does mean systems are bound to experience more amnesia compared to non-systems folks out there.
Do you have any discussions about this? Or would like to describe your own way of seeing these different types of amnesia? Or have more to add? Feel free to tell them here!
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I think both anti and pro endos should start calling out the issues in their own communities more. Very often there are legitimate problems in both communities that ate dismissed because a majority of people who are calling out said issues come from the other side. But making both of our communities safer will be much easier when itâs a joint effort.
I am going to start using the syscourse tag when I talk about my issues with the communities, as I think that topic is a place where I would value a pro endos opinion and interaction. On âendos are valid/endos arenât, we will likely get nowhere. Unstoppable force unmovable object and such.
The racism in this community is extremely bad. Good luck being non-white in this community. Theres a stark difference between how publicly POC systems are treated vs white systems no matter the stance (anti-endo and pro-ender have problems with this) but you will not get anywhere until you (/general you) can all come in solitary and recognize your internalized racism.
The disabled community has a lot to thank their POC members for, the system community included, so start there. Show kindness, limit the racism. Whether itâs using racist and xenophobic phrases, straight-up excluding them from certain topics or playing the trauma Olympics when they bring up race-exclusive trauma and its intersectionality with their disability/disabilities, be a good white ally and listen.
Thatâs how I think we should start, anyway. - Tails
I'm so fucking mad about the plural-blocklist situation and I am not going to stay quiet. I will tell my experience.
Many months ago, I made my first tumblr account ever. My first impression of this app. It was a scene-based blog where I just enjoyed doing stuff and minding my own stuff. My mistake? I wasn't really involved deep in the whole "endo term" shit and accidentally put #plural in one of the tags, around the anti-endo and other anti tags. I genuinely had no idea what was I doing and I had no evil intentions behind, as I thought it was a normal tag. I had no idea endos reclaimed that term. And plural-blocklist posted me there for 'crosstagging', and I found out after it appeared in my fyp. My whole account. And in less than a week, I began getting a lot of hate anons, reblogs and comments by (pro)endos/willos, breaking DNIs and literally making my ex-account a zoo of idiots whining and yelling in my ears.
When this happened, I was literally in a time where I was barely processing my traumatic experiences. The stress those people put me under was so overwhelming I had to delete my account and leave Tumblr for a long time, now coming back later as...this account I have now. I learned to block all the mains and all of that, but I still get scared of being attacked again.
As much as the user claims to be "anti-harassment", their entire follower base doesn't give a flying fuck about that. If you don't want to see anti endo posts, just block the tags. I literally block every pro-endo tag, radqueer tag and anything-I-don't-want-to-see tags. I blocked 150 accounts and up to avoid seeing that stuff. Why not do the same instead of posting people without their consent?
Do you guys realize there are severely traumatized and mentally struggling people behind the screens? Do you guys ever stopped and asked yourselves why posting minors is fucking weird? No? Then you should. Because putting a bold text saying "block, don't harass" is useless.
i'm changing my blog a bit to be more of a system journal of sorts ? i dunno , i'm gonna try it out . i'm also attempting to set up pluralspace but it'll take a while
if ur one of my moots from wayyy back , ily & feel free to stick around but rn @anti-willo-kenma & @fembydevotion r way more active than me !
* âPluralityâ in this case refers to systemhood caused by ANY OTHER REASON than a CDD. âNon CDD pluralityâ was too long to type.
ID: A graph. At the left reads âAnti Plurality*â. At the right reads âPro plurality*â. At the top reads âPro CDDâ at the bottom reads âAnti CDD,â in the upper left corner there is a black line that is captioned by âOur system members fall on this line,â. way below that line is a point that reads âMisinformed but well meaning anti endo singlet genre,â. On the upper right corner there is a dot that reads âWhere average pro endo thinks they land,â. Slightly to the left and far downward a point reads: âAverage pro endo according to their actionsâ. Slightly above that and to the left a point reads: âMOST self proclaimed endo neutralsâ At the very bottom right a point reads: âThe lancers,â. At the bottom left a point reads âThe lancersâ. There is a light read sector from the bottom half of the top right downward labeled âZone of endo centric behavior,â /END ID
** OBLIGATORY NUANCE HAT NUANCE SHIRT DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY OKAY? OKAY.
IMG ID: A drawing of an angry figure with a hat that reads âThere is no such thing as a black and white answer in this situation and you cannot tackle the subject to its full complexity without addressing factors and circumstances involved,â. They are wearing a pin that reads âI heart ambiguity,â a shirt that says âThis is my nuance shirtâ and a sign that says âItâs more complicated than thatâ /END ID
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as pride month is wrapping up, I really wanna talk quickly about how LGBTQ+ disabled people are excluded from pride.
despite literally being a community comprised entirely of some of the most historically (and in a lot of instances, presently) discriminated-against groups on the planet, a lot of queer people seem to just shit on disabled people at every chance they getâ and thatâs if they even remember that we exist.
itâs just baffling to me that a group of people who preach inclusivity and acceptance are some of the least accepting people out there when it comes to accessibility at events. there is no consideration for us when planning events. if they even remember that theyâre supposed to be making the space accessible and inclusive, they do the bare minimum while going around saying theyâre saints for doing so.
wanna go to a parade? okay, why donât you go stand in 90+ degree heat for 7 hours with no access to water in that entire time. wanna go to this cool pop-up event? oops, thereâs no wheelchair paths, and everyone is going to be blocking your way anyway. sure, weâll hold an indoor event, but thereâs no air conditioning, youâre not allowed to use the bathrooms, and absolutely no one is masking despite there being hundreds of people crammed into a singular venue. and yes, we will be deploying strobe lights at random intervals.
the general attitude is just: âwhy are you even here if youâre disabled? you should be locked up in your house never interacting with the rest of us, because itâs too much of an inconvenience to accommodate you.â either that, or: âhuh? oh I forgot you guys existed. ummm⌠well at least the stairs arenât too steep, and you can buy a $20 water bottle if you need it!â like come on. do better.
Links to studies about different presentations of DID, including different alter types, childhood and adolescent DID, and DID across different cultures.
General DID Presentations
Formation and Functions of Alter Personalities in Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Theoretical and Clinical Elaboration
Lived experiences of men with dissociative identity disorderÂ
The Phenomenology and Treatment of Extremely Complex MPDÂ
Symptom patterns in dissociative identity disorder patients and the general population
Differences Between Men and Women With Multiple Personality Disorder (not open access)Â
The clinical phenomenology of males with MPD: A report of 21 casesÂ
Analysis of demographic and clinical characteristics of patients with dissociative identity disorderÂ
Possession experiences in dissociative identity disorder: a preliminary study (not open access)Â
Alter Types
Therapeutic Hazards of Treating Child Alters as Real Children in Dissociative Identity DisorderÂ
Therapeutic Alliance with Abuser Alters in Dissociative Identity DisorderÂ
Internal self helpers of persons with multiple personality disorderÂ
Issues in consultation for treatments with distressed activated abuser/protector self-states in dissociative identity disorder (not open access)Â
Animal alters: case reports
Introjection and dissociative identity disorder: a case reportÂ
Introject and identity: Structural-interpersonal analysis and psychological assessment of multiple personality disorder (not open access)Â
Opposite-gender identity states in Dissociative Identity Disorder: psychodynamic insights into a subset of same-sex behavior and attractions (not open access)Â
Childhood & Adolescent DID
Outpatient Treatment of Dissociative Identity Disorder and Allied forms of Dissociative Disorder not Otherwise Specified in Children and AdolescentsÂ
Dissociative Identity Disorder Among Adolescents: Prevalence in a University Psychiatric Outpatient UnitÂ
The Scientific Status of Childhood Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Review of Published Research (not open access but you can find a PDF of it if you look it up on Google Scholar)Â
Child abuse and dissociative identity disorder/multiple personality disorder: the documentation of childhood maltreatment and the corroboration of symptomsÂ
Held in mind, out of awareness. Perspectives on the continuum of dissociated experience, culminating in dissociative identity disorder in children (not open access)Â
Dissociative disorders in children: Behavioral profiles and problems (not open access)Â
Diagnostic evaluation of the child with dissociative identity disorder/multiple personality disorderÂ
Clinical phenomenology of child and adolescent dissociative disordersÂ
Confirmation of childhood abuse in child and adolescent cases of multiple personality disorder and dissociative disorder not otherwise specifiedÂ
High psychiatric comorbidity in adolescents with dissociative disorders
Long-term outcome and prognosis of dissociative disorder with onset in childhood or adolescenceÂ
Treatment for childhood and adolescent dissociation: A systematic reviewÂ
Adolescent inpatients' history of abuse and dissociative identity disorder (not open access)Â
DID Across Cultures
Gender and Racial Variability of Dissociative Identity Disorder Symptoms in an International Sample
Prevalence of dissociative identity disorder among psychiatric outpatients in different cultural groups
A Schema Therapy approach to complex dissociative disorder in a cross-cultural setting: a single case study
The Scope of Dissociative Disorders: An International Perspective
Structured interview data on 35 cases of dissociative identity disorder in Turkey (not open access)
Dissociative Identity Disorders in Korea: Two Recent Cases
Trauma and dissociation in a Chinese-American sample
Working with Chinese trauma survivors with dissociation: Lessons from two cases in Macao (not open access)
Current status of multiple personality disorder in India (not open access)
Multiple personality disorder - A case report from Northern India
Multiple personality disorder in the Netherlands: A clinical investigation of 71 patients
Dissociative disorders in black South Africans: A report on five cases
Dissociative disorders in Japan: A pilot study with the dissociative experience scale and a semi-structured interview
Multiple personality disorder in Puerto Rico: analysis of fifteen cases
