Bertt Kelly. 20. Think of me as a college boy looking for a good time. Although I am a soc, social, asshat, money pit, freeloader. Whatever suits your fancy. I don't bite unless you want me to, so feel free to ask.
{Of all the people she had expected to reunite with, there was one always lingering there with a special rhythm of anticipation in her heart. The moment she got a chance, she headed to the hospital. She remembered his hours, and she knew it was only a matter of time before his shift was done. Her knight of the rectangular table, her Charmer, her childhood best friend, her rock. He was coming through that door at any second. It felt like an eternity before her eyes took in his familiar form as he took in hers. Taking a few slow steps, she quickly picked up speed, running into his welcoming arms.} Hi {She breathed in his ear with a joyous, emotional laugh, holding on tightly.} I came back..I came back, I missed you so much. {She pulled back to plant a fond kiss on his forehead, before meeting his eyes. Her smile held all the words she couldnāt express.} Iām better, Iām so much better. Iām happy and Iām never leaving you again. I missed you, Charmer, I missed you!
{Brett could feel her, and the way she felt when he got to hug her. And to see her face so full of life. Of real, wholesome life, was amazing. She was not struggling anymore. Air flowed freely from her lungs. She was not an overly tiny broken girl on a hospital bed, Brett could wipe that sickening image of his best friend dying before his eyes away, because here she was a new person. No, not a new person. Her real self. Her real, buried self.} I missed you too. I missed you so much, Bunny. {He grinned wildly at her, not even able to fathom how he survived a month without her. It had been too quiet for his liking.} I'm so glad your okay. Don't ever do that to me again, do you hear me? You're dying a wrinkled old prune, are we clear? {His fingers grazed her arm gently. They weren't as small anymore. It had only been a month, she was tiny still, but she was getting better.} I don't think I've been happier to see you to date, Bunny.
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{Work and school had been somewhat of the main priorities for the boy since the end of the year was barreling towards him. He worked late and did his homework on empty body tables when he could. It was a sickeningly boring routine, and he could only hope for a change of pace. His best friend was nowhere to be found, and he cared deeply for Hunter, but he could do without the constant stress of the whole rivalry for one visit with him. Gwen was just as busy as him, and Cade was back in Boston. That left Brett in the same old same old as always until finally something floated back into town to change it all again. Brett walked out of the hospital, searching his pocket for his keys, and when he looked up he almost dropped them. Seeing her at first, he wasn't sure if it was a tired mind playing a prank on him. But part of him knew. The way her hair fell, the way she carried herself, it had to be his best friend. There was no way it couldn't be his best friend. Very much alive, and actually tangible. She was right there in front of him. And Brett crossed only a few steps before engulfing her in a hug without a word.} You're actually back, {He muttered dumbfounded by the fact that she really was back and alive.}
[Brettās congratulations filled his ears and Allisterās eyes showed a hint of surprise. He hadnāt expected such a sincere word from the boy.] Thank you. [He replied, being just as sincere as he was. But soon, Brettās voice was drowned out. All he could hear was the dropping of his heart as the beat grew heavier and heavier. Died a couple times? What does that even mean? His mouth had lost all moisture as it felt the vibrations from his pounding heart. Running his hands through his hair, he tightly gripped onto a lock, holding it for a sense of support. He couldnāt say anything, he didnāt want to say anything, not to him. He left Brynn, leaving her to think he was dead, leaving her with a possible sense of guilt he never meant to give out. He was cruel, just like Brett said. No. He silently shook his head to himself, biting on his lip to keep the words from spilling. No way was he going back down the road of guilt. It only lead to the mistakes that caused him to leave in the first place. He was stronger than this. If he knew anyone could take care of themselves, anyone who could put herself back together it was Brynn Turner, his Bright Eyes. Those eyes were so bright for a reason, she wouldnāt give up, he knew that. ] Is-Is she going to be okay? [Was all he could fumble, he wanted to ask more, he wanted to go around to find her, but he had just arrived. He had always cared about Brynn, even if his mind had drifted from the world. It wasnāt as if he could just magically stop loving her, if he could he would, because it hurt when he had to look the other way after their light had been shut off by the town, they had so close to their hearts. No way was he going in search for her, despite how his feet felt as if they needed to, not now, Ā especially if Edwin was on careful watch. He was probably aware that he was back now and if he actually cared enough, he may be on the watch to give him a good beating. Who knows in this chaotic town that he had longed for.]Ā
{Brett didn't expect any sort of sincere word to be traded between them. But there was as short lived as it was. He saw his face contort into something that was a sort of pain, and frankly, Brett honestly had a bit of worry for a moment as Allister had to grab something for support. Was she going to be okay? Was she? He honestly didn't know. Brett could only hope so, and frankly, he was prepared to tell Allister he didn't know. But the look of desperation in his face to see the same girl that he wanted to left a pang in him he couldn't ignore. Everyone missed her, and everyone was allowed to. He wouldn't leave him hanging in a position in which he could help in one way or another.} If they thought she was well enough to be transported to another place completely, I think she will be...but I really don't know much. {Brett did know more than what he was saying, but he also didn't know how much he could say without disappearing in the dead of night by the hand of the Turners. They weren't mad at him, he assumed, but they probably didn't want any reminders of Brynn around. And they really wouldn't want one that was telling people what they were trying to hide. All Brett could do was tell people the bare minimum, and for Brynn's sake, this boy, a little more than that.} Look, it's Brynn. She's tough. Whatever it is she's going through...she'll get through it, and she'll come back. I know she will. She always says this place is her home...
[He was a little surprised by Brett not wanting to fight, he was a little surprised he hadnāt been beaten to a pulp already, but he was too thankful to even worry about it. The understanding of the situation was odd, but it was as if she was right there with them, telling both to behave and be kind to one another. A small warmness grew inside of him as he thought of her doing just that. But it quickly faded as he heard the boyās voice again. Was he really clean? Did he really have to prove himself to Brett Kelly? Obviously words werenāt enough so he pulled out the chip, showing it to him. On it read ā6 monthsā] Yeah, I really am. [He said while putting it back into his pocket, where he kept it safe and sound] Yeah, I got that. [He said, biting the inside of his cheek. Was he really going to sit and take this from him? Absolutely. What else could he do? That wasnāt the real question on his mind though, it was her. Despite Sethās odd explanation, he really didnāt tell him much except she left town.] How-HoāHowās Brynn? [He finally asked.. Barely.]
{The tension between the two boys could easily be cut with a knife. Brett had a very fair hatred for this idiot at the moment, but Brynn's voice kept ringing in his head. He kept rehearing every praise Brynn had ever mentioned to him about Allister. From his "sparkling eyes" to his "charming personality", Brett could almost gag at the thought. But he would be good, because he wanted to do his best friend proud. Brett glanced down at the clip, honestly surprised and quite impressed by the boys achievement.} Congratulations. {It was genuine. There was no sarcasm behind it. Because Brett had been a dealer. He knew what the drugs did to people. He saw it first hand. The fact that Allister had managed to stay away for six months was impressive. He would not downgrade that for his own malice intent on making him suffer. Brett looked up when he asked about Brynn. He would be more reluctant to tell him if her life was going spectacular. But it was the opposite.} Depends on how much you know already, but the Turners are keeping most everything tight lipped, so I can hardly tell you what I know. Brynn came to the hospital by accident. She...was sick. Died a couple times on the table, but always came back. Now she's gone, and if I knew where she was, I wouldn't be here, so don't ask me.
[Allister nodded to himself while listening. Hearing her name though, caused Ā him to stop. His body became more tense than it already was. Hearing about her made his heart heavy, pounding like it did when he saw Seth, but slightly off function. Like it always did when he heard her name. He expected this, but yet, never expected this. How did he say this with Seth that didnāt make it sound like he was a sociopath again? He internally sighed, oh thatās right! He didnāt.] Brett, you have every right to beat the living shit out of me. Normally, I would want to brawl with you, but I deserve it. What I did, it was awful. [He hated that he was explaining himself to Mr. Clean, though he had every right. It was just the fact that it was him.Ā Mr. Prince fucking charming.Ā His least favorite Soc, but yet, he always watched out for him at those rumbles, he would never admit he would, but he did. Just because he meant so much to her. ] It wasnāt my idea to really come back, it hadnāt crossed my mind until I got clean.. Then everything changed. I never meant to hurt anyone. There was a mistaken police report and I took the out. It was that horribly perfect. [He sighed, before taking a step closer, his voice going slightly on edge. If anyone would be considered the Greaser trash, it would be him.] But you listen to me. Greasers arenāt trash. What I did, that was inexcusable. I was the trash. Not my Greasers. They never were and never will be trash.
{Brett crossed his arms across his chest, waiting for he excuses to come flying from the Greaser boys lips. He really did want to punch him. He really, really did. But Brynn would already be mad enough about him being so mean to Allister. There was no reason to beat the boy up too.} I'm not gonna fight you. {Brett muttered before the boy continued. Brett raised an eyebrow when he said he was clean. Was he really? Or was that a way to escape any further reason for Brett to hate him? Brett clenched his fist as this boy got closer to him. God, it would be so easy to throw the first punch. All this anger that had been harboring for so long could easily be spilled along with Greaser blood, but once again, Brynn stopped him. Brett had spent time, looking the other way whenever Allister got too close to him in a rumble. He had given the East Side the benefit of the doubt whenever he could because Brynn spoke so highly of some of the people on that side. Especially Allister. And no matter how much he hated admitting it, he could respect him for sticking up for his friends, who Brett was sure were just as angry as he was at him.} You're really clean? {Was the first thing Brett said, giving him a quizzical look.} Maybe they aren't, but you are. I'm still not going to beat you up, though. I'll get my ass kicked by Brynn if I do that. But, I swear to god, I'm going to be watching you like a hawk. If you do one thing that steps out of line, I'm going to kick you out of Tulsa so fast, you're head is going to spin. Ya got that, Greaser?
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See, Iām not really a great multitasker..So, youāre gonna have to narrow it down to one. Preferably one that doesnāt end in a trip to the emergency room.
How about I talk and then you explain yourself? Because I have a few choice words for you. You're a motherfucking asshole! How the fuck could you leave like that? Do you know what you put Brynn through? Actually, you don't. But I do. Because I was the person that literally held her while she cried to the point where she could hardly breathe. You left her thinking you were dead. What kind of sick fucker does that? You really are just Greaser trash.
Watching the door swing open, Hunterās neutral expression shifted as a smirk spread across his face. āAlright.ā He said, in a suggestive tone, winking comically at his friend before following him into the house. He wasnāt much of a feelings guy, at least, not when it came to talking about them, but he could see Brett wasnāt looking too sharp. Just from his attire. Sloppy, he thought to himself. āSo, about Brynnā Yeah.ā He said. This wasnāt really his forte. āHowāre you holding up?ā He cared about Brett, he cared about all the Socs, but showing it seemed almost seemed impossible when it didnāt involve fighting for his side.Ā
"I mean, you guys were pretty close, not to mention without herā Well, the West is in pretty bad shape." He said, nodding to himself before lifting up the six pack, "How about we take this to the backyard?" He suggested with laughter in his voice as he motioned for him to lead the way.Ā
Hunter mentioned Brynn. The anchor and the kryptonite. And all Brett could do was shrug. He wasn't going to break down or anything. Not in front of Hunter, at least. You couldn't get him wrong, Brett really liked Hunter. But the connection he had with him was different than ones that he had with friends. "I was working when they brought her in, but they wouldn't let me see her. So I gave the nurse five bucks to let me see her chart. Part of me wishes I didn't read it." Brett said, staring down at his fingers as he spoke. "I don't really think I should tell you what it was. If the Turners don't want people to know, then I won't tell. But it's bad. And now she's gone, and I don't know where she is."
Brett glanced up at Hunter. "She's my best friend. I just want to know if she's okay." He said, shrugging, keeping his face as steady as he could, trying to pretend it didn't affect him as much as it did. "We need her." Brett concurred. Brett chuckled dropping his head to gaze at the floor before bringing his eyes up to nod. "Never thought I would be so happy to hear those words. C'mon." He said, nodding his head towards the backyard. He pushed the door open, plopping into one of the loungers his mom always had outside. Brett held out his hand expectantly. "Toss me one." He commented. "How are you doing without her?" Brett muttered after a few beats of silence. There were few people Hunter respected like he did Brynn. He treated almost as equal, and that meant he had to like her. It was Hunter they were talking about.
She was gone. Brynn Turner, the girl who helped him keep his head on his shoulders, was gone. The Socs had never been so vulnerable. No proper leader. There left wing had left. It was just Hunter now. He hated feeling as if he couldnāt do it, because heĀ isĀ Hunter Finn and no oneĀ beatsĀ Hunter Finn and get away with it. No, not this time. He wasnāt going to let those animals even think of laying a finger on his side, his people, no. Not this time.Ā
Knocking on his friendās door, he had a six pack in his other arm. They had some serious planning to do. If they werenāt already weak before, without Brynn they may, he really hated to admit it, be weaker. If Brett didnāt have his head on straight and wasnāt ready to take action, heād have to knock him into shape. One way or another, they were going to win this battle.Ā
Brett really hadn't broken away from his daily routine since he found out about Brynn. He would take early morning shifts in the morgue, he'd go to school and sit through the lectures, taking notes on most everything his professors said, he'd go back to work for another shift until nine, and then he went home to study. It was a grueling routine, but at least it kept him sane. What was he doing? He was stronger than this. Best friend or not, he needed to pull himself together. Sure, she had a heart attack, and sure she was nowhere to be found but that...was every reason to panic.Ā
There was a knock on the door, and Brett groaned, and muttered something about 'who the hell comes to do the door this late' as he reached for the knob and flung it open. Hunter was on the other side with beer. God, he needed the alcohol. It was probably some ploy to get him to help him plot the Greasers down fall, but free beer made him more willing than he normally would have been. "My parents are asleep, so if you're plan is to get me drunk, we'll have to do it in the backyard," He said with a bit of a smirk, letting the boy in the house.
āThat was what a best friend did: hold up a mirror and show you your heart.āĀ
āĀ Kristin Hannah
Brett tossed the Penny Lane column down, ignoring the black words glaring in him in the face.Ā
Liar.
Brett had seen Brynn not three days ago, laying in that Hospital bed. She had been breathing, pushing air in and out of her lungs. He was going to visit her whenever he could, because that was what best friends did. He had only been giving her space. According to her records (which he didn't bribe off the nurse) she had died for moments. She had faced this darkness that he too had seen, and come back. He had not cataloged her body. There were no biopsies. She was alive. And she would be exhausted. Just like he was. But she was still here. She wasn't gone. She couldn't be gone.Ā
The elevator.Ā
Of course, going to her room, seeing her pale face (however it only brought out the strength in her features) would put his mind at ease. She was there. She was okay. She was going to live. He would not lose his best friend. Not to what he feared her symptoms to be.Ā
Why did elevators move so slow? He wondered this the whole way up to the first floor from the basement. Why did he have to be so far away from this beautifully, painfully, stupid girl? Why? But there he was. As the door slid open only six steps away from her room. From the sunken faces of her family. From her sharp jawline that could kill a man.Ā
One.
Two.
Three.Ā
Four.
Five.
Six.
He crossed the threshold.Ā
But there was no Brynn. Only one of the new nurses, sitting on the empty, cleanly made hospital bed. She was probably on her break. Three days. It was only three days. They wouldn't let someone who died out in three days. "Where's the girl that was in here?" There was no time for formalities. The nurse only shrugged at him. "Said they moved her to another facility. Not really sure what happened."Ā
No. No.Ā
No.
She had to be there. She had to be there. Brynn had to be there. To prove that her chest still rose and fell. He needed her there, because without her, he would be grieving the living, and that wasn't right. A person wasn't suppose to grieve the living. And they were never meant to grieve their best friend. Is this how she felt? Losing a tether? Because she was stronger than he ever believed possible if it was true.
Brynn was gone.Ā
Where? To some other facility. Maybe it wasn't a big deal, maybe she was still living, but how long would it be? Days? Weeks? Months? God forbid he have to begin counting the years. No one would tell him, that was for sure. The Turner's would disappear with their daughter if only to save their own asses. They wouldn't care that they had ripped away his best friend. They wouldn't care that she had left him wondering if his assumed truth was right. They wouldn't care. Did anyone, really? Was he alone in his grieving for her? He sure as hell felt like it.Ā
"Do you need a smoke?"Ā
"What?" His head snapped up, catching himself in the mirror. Pale faced. Sad. Tired.
"You look like you're gonna pass out. Do you need a smoke?" The new nurse held out the pair wrapped trap.
"No, I'm fine. And you need to go smoke outside before you kill an asthmatic patient."
"Fine. Don't get your panties in a twist."
And she was gone. Gone.Ā
Brett was left in the room of his best friend, the only reminder that she had been there being the image of her pale, thin frame laying in the bed, walking the tightrope with death himself. Brett covered his face in his hands, forcing a groan through his fingers. He sat on the bed, hoping to regain his balance (and sanity) before he went back to the godforsaken basement.
"You couldn't have found a way to tell me?" He muttered looking at the pillow now, as if she was there. She wasn't. Gone. That's where she was. And he had no idea where gone was.Ā
"This is what I get." He grumbled.Ā
Brett slammed the door to her former room, causing people to jump. He had broken her before. He had watched her break. And he was there. Now he was broken. And he was broken by her. But she was nowhere. And it was because he had earned the bad karma. But karma did not stop the world to torture him. He would have to go through everyday, longing for this girl to come back.Ā
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[Her face wet with her tears, Brynn found strength to stand on her again as she looked at the boy who had been her best friend for as long as she could remember.The future lay ahead uncertain with time and fateās whim as the only constant.] Iāll be careful, cross my heart. [Her fingers weakly made the motion across her fragile heart as she managed a small smile for him. Cupping his face in her hands, their eyes connected in quiet understanding and a bond no one could ever break.] I wasnāt talking career-wise, youāve got too much passion for what you do to ever lose those dreams. [Brett far too often put Brynn before any other, and she knew that there would come a time when those priorities would have to change. She didnāt want him to miss the chance of a beautiful love out of devotion to her.] I donāt know a lot of things, but I know that I will be happy again, I will be strong again, and I will learn to cope with the tragedies in time. You and I have no more secrets now, and Iām sorry I couldnāt say what you wanted me to say. One day, I hope you can find yourself grateful that I saved you from a horrible mistake, and it would have been a mistake for you. I love you, Brett Kelly, I always have and I always will, you come first for me. Please know that, you have always come first.Ā
Good. -He said, gently wiping her cheeks with his sleeve, smiling softly at her as he did so.- I don't know if I'll be in as good of shape to beat up a guy ten years from now if he mistreats you. -He told her in a teasing manner. He dropped his hands at his side when she took his face in her own hands, Brett could only listen to her, nodding softly to show his attention to her. She was right in a way. One day he would meet a girl and he'd love her just as he had loved Brynn, and then she would come first before any other, but that would not break them. They would be the pair that force their significant other on a double date, and set up countless play-dates for their kids that would most likely be just as much of a play-date for the two of them. They had a bond that couldn't be broken, and even the people they loved more than each other would have to come to learn that the fact they loved one another would never dull no matter what. He brushed his hand through her hair, smiling softly.- I wouldn't call it a mistake. But, hey, Bunny and Charmer to the end, right? It'll be easier if we don't have to spend everyday with each other. I'm easier to handle in small doses. -He gave her a crooked grin, showing his sincerity behind the comment.- Besides, now it'll be easier to force our kids to play together. -He wiped her cheeks one last time, leaning forward to kiss her cheek quickly.- I know. You too. Please, don't be to upset by this. You'll be my best friend no matter what happens.
I knew something was wrong, I didnāt know it was that bad, but I knew he wasnāt coping with everything. [She lost all power behind her soft voice as she managed to mumble,] I should have saved him. [Falling against his chest, she enveloped him in her embrace. Brynn was clinging to her best friend with every ounce of strength left, refusing to get that low again. Sheād worked too hard the past year to climb out of this darkness to have to start all over. Lingering in his arms as she allowed herself to silently weep for all the times she hadnāt before, it was safe with Brett. There was no one to impress, no perfect girl to try to be, she could let the walls crumble and just be herself again. Pulling back enough to find his eyes, her resolve returned as silence passed for a few more moments.] Happiness will be possible for me, and there will be steps forward and steps back again. Maybe somewhere along the way I will find it within myself to fall in love again, but itās not priority. Brett, itās not a bad thingā¦I loved with all that I had and I found the most beautiful feeling of happiness. If I never find it again, I had it once and thatās more than most can say. My marriage does not need to be begun with love, it may come in time, but I donāt need it. [She brushed her fingers gently through his hair as she reassured him, a ghost of a smile finally playing at her lips.] Youāve taken care of me for too long, and I want something better than that for you. A life of love with me does not hold the beauty of promise that it should, so itās not enough. I wonāt let you do that. Iāll be okay, even happy someday, but Iām not going to hold you back anymore.
-Brett held her as she cried, doing his best to help her hold on to that light. He wouldn't let her slip. This was his best friend in his arms. No matter what feelings he had for her, she was his best friend first, and he would take care of her. Brett let her linger in his grasp as she slowly calmed herself down again. Brett nodded at her words. She would be happy again, he'd make sure of it, and maybe he could help her grow to except that she could fall in love again. That this wouldn't happen again, and she wasn't going to hurt someone by loving them. He had fought for her this long, and he would fight for her still.} Just promise me if you do it like this that you'll be careful. {He said softly. If she got into something like that, he wanted her safe more than anything. He gave her a soft smile and shook his head, rubbing her arms gently.} You're my best friend, I'm gonna take care of you no matter what. {He said gently. He knew that she believed it was better for them to be friends, and he would respect that.} You haven't been holding me back. I'm doing what I want, aren't I? I'm going to school to be a doctor, I'm working at the Hospital, I'm doing everything I want. The last thing you've been doing is holding me back.
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I donāt plan to be alone. Iāll get married, Iāll have babies, Iāll do all of that. [She tried to reason against his brutal truth. In reality, sheād been hiding so long that she could barely even recognize the signs anymore. Maybe Fletcher was right, maybe she didnāt smile at all, not the real sort. She just pushed everyone away because it was so much easier to make people believe what she wanted them to instead of face the terrifying wordsā¦that just left his lips.Ā Itās not your fault.] Tell me how itās not. Really, give me a few reasons because I knew him better than you did. [Her words were harsh and defensive a mindset implanted in her being. Tears were forming in her eyes as the words cracked straight through a wall she worked so hard to build back up.] When we were together, it was the happiest either of us ever wereā¦I could see it, I couldĀ feel it. He told me that he didnāt need the drugs when he had me. That dayā¦he said that to meā¦I was his reason. If I had been with him, if I had been as brave as Haileyā¦I let everyone get inside my head, and itĀ killed him. My weakness destroyed him. So tell me itās not my fault nowā¦because you canāt. You canāt! I wanted us to be together somedayā¦I still thought that maybeāIām trying, Brettā¦IāmĀ really trying. I say those things, all the promises of hope and happiness, because I want so badly for them to be true. I donāt want to keep punishing myself, but I canāt see a way out. All I think about is the way he would tell me howĀ happy I made him. And I canāt do that to someone elseā¦IĀ wonāt.
-He didn't want to hurt her. That was not his intention, but he needed to do this. Because she was hurting herself, and he knew she was. Maybe not physically, but if she went through her life thinking she was unworthy, one day the mental mentality could become physical, and he wouldn't let her get to that point. He was trying to protect her. That's all he ever wanted, was to protect her. She was feeling better, but it wasn't the right way. He would start back from rock bottom, holding her through the night as she cried for a lost love. He didn't care. He just needed her to be better. Brett let her finish, wiping her eyes, gently.- It's not your fault, because if you loved him as much as you say you did, he would have known that. He knows that. You made a mistake, but you didn't pull the trigger. You didn't. He was hurt, and in a bad place, and he didn't handle it the right way, and it's not his fault. It's not your fault. It's the person who let him get a taste of those drugs fault. Stop blaming yourself, because had he never met the man who gave him those, he'd be here whether you were willing to take the bullying or not. -He wrapped his arms around the girl, pulling her into his chest.- You're an amazing, amazing girl who deserves nothing more in this world than to be happy. I don't care how many times I met Allister, I know he'd want that for you. Make someone else happy. -He kissed her temple before speaking softly into her ear.- Personally, I think it would be an honor to be heartbroken by someone like you.Ā
[The confession hit her in small waves as he phrased it so eloquently, almost poetic. Standing there with weakened knees, Brynn had no idea how she remained in an upright position. She had hidden from the truth for so long, now the secret was illuminated with full light and stunned silence followed. Her whole body fell into a state of numbness as she tried to find words to say something, say anything.] I think I knew. [Her voice was soft and shaky as she took half a step backwards to regain balance.] The way you look at me sometimesā¦it gave you away. Youā¦with your charming ways and that smile of yours I have to return every time, even in the worst of moods. I donāt think you realize just how wonderful a man youāve becomeā¦not many understand how living everyday with what I did destroys me, but you are patient and strong when I cannot find the strength within myself. And I love you for that, for all that you are. You are you and I am me, and it makes perfect senseābut IĀ canāt. I fell in love once, and it filled me body and soul like a vicious disease. Then it tore me inside out, leaving me in the cruelest possible pain. I gave up. That love is not for me, I believe in it for other people, but for myself, I have to be practical now. Thatās not fair to you. Brett, I need you to understand that, my motivations in love are no longer hopeful and pure, and you deserve more. I love you. I love you with every inch and ounce of myself, with the pieces that are left and the pieces Iām missing. But I love youĀ too much to love you that much.
-Brett only looked at her every once and a while. He couldn't bare the eye contact. He could hardly stand to hear the words leaving her lips, because he could feel the path that it was leading them down. He could feel where she was going with her words. And when she reached the end, he felt an odd urge to cry. But he wouldn't. Not in front of her. He couldn't break down in front of her. Not now.- I hate when you do this to yourself. -He muttered, finally looking up at her.- I hate that you say you want to be happy, and then you do this and say you can't. Brynn, you're scared. You're hiding. You have that right, but you can't do this to yourself forever. Do you really think Allister would want you to be alone forever? Do you honestly think that, because for the longest time, I've questioned that. I don't care if you don't feel the same, I'll get over that, I can move on, but stop letting yourself wallow in this pain when you're stronger than that. Don't marry the boy with money, marry the person you fall in love with. I don't want to watch you waste away in a marriage you have no passion for. Really, Brynn, I mean it. I understand if you don't feel the same, or you don't want to, but for my sake as your best friend, stop punishing yourself. You don't deserve it. It's not your fault. It has never ever been your fault. -Never in his life had he approached her feelings towards the situation aggressively. He felt that it would only do more harm than good. He thought with him coaxing her into happiness, she come out the other end happy. Maybe not as happy, but happy. But here she was, still gripped by this darkness that wouldn't let go. He needed her to break free. If he couldn't tear her from sadness monstrous claws, she needed to do it, and all he could do was push her to fight harder. He took a step closer to her, resting his hands on her forearms squeezing them softly.- Stop punishing yourself, Bunny. You don't deserve this. You know he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself.
