I never considered my coming out experience to be fortunate. I never thought I would look back one day and say “I was so lucky” But the last couple days have taught me that I was in fact lucky to have come out 8 years ago, and not today. Because seeing how some people treat questioning people, treat the lgbtq community as a secret club you don’t get to go in unless you fit a certain type, and can show for a specific experience you get shunned and kicked out and treated like garbage... I am lucky. Seeing the discourse happening on here, on twitter, anywhere really, made me realize that I would have not wanted to come out today. And not because I consider myself big or important enough to get hate, but because I came out back then, because I had a massive community backing me up for my experience and my choice and my lack of labels and my inability to be true to myself before I was ready.
I came out at the delicate age of 13. I knew I liked the same gender back then. I knew it then and I know it now. And nothing has changed except the labels I don’t wear anymore.
I was raised into religion. Into christianity to be exact. And I was raised protestant. I was raised by going to church once or even twice a week and when I found my sexuality to be NOT STRAIGHT I was at church four to five days of the week.
The first time I heard about homosexuality was through the F-word. My mother refused to address them any differently. My brothers bullied other boys for “appearing gay” and my little sister once told me the thought of two girls or two guys kissing made her want to throw up.
But I still told someone about my assumed sexuality, because I had people online who supported me in a way that I cannot express. They were here when needed and made sure that the lgbt space I learned about was a safe one that accepted everyone who did not consider themselves straight.
From my first girl crush, who I don’t talk to anymore, but still follow on instagram, to a guy I met through fanfics that told me about himself and his boyfriend. People called him a predator because he was older than me, but he has never made me feel anything but safe. He was the one who gave me my first online nickname, and was someone who taught a lot about bi-sexuality. I never met him. I don’t have contact to him anymore. I wouldn’t even know how to reach out to him at this point, but he was a big influence on my life as it is now.
And knowing how I cried myself to sleep for years because of me being queer, and the fight I had with my mother when I came out, and the fact that she still refuses to accpet my sexuality, stings. And I would have never in a million years considered this fortunate.
But here I am, at 22, witnessing as another 22 year old gets ripped to shreds because he does not have the “lgbt experience” or because he doesn’t fit your stencil of a “lgbt person”
Seeing someone my age get ripped apart like this over something that should be supported and celebrated, makes my heart ache. I know this would have ruined me at 13. I know if this is what I had witnessed at 13, I would have prayed to God every single night to make me not gay.
I would have promised and tried my best to be as straight as can be.
So please, when you sit down and consider hating on someone for their sexual orientation, always remember: They might not see it, but your followers, who rely on safety, they will. They will see it, and read it and they will take it to heart. And you can ruin lives that way.
And I wanna welcome Dream and everyone who is questioning or unlabled to the LGBTQ communtiy, you are valid and loved just the way you are. Your experience cannot be wrong and I hope you remember that labels are not a necessity.
