One thing I don’t often see discussed in relation to the scene after the episode 4 Vegas hook-up is Ilya’s depression. He has always been someone with depressive tendencies.
When Ilya gives Shane the cold goodbye after the Vegas hookup, I like how Shane is not only disappointed by no kiss, he’s also pretty visibly like “this is fucking bullshit, man” about the way he nods and is all huffy with his arms while he walks out. Because it is bullshit! Get your naked ass out there and make a joke Rozanov! Kiss him sweetly but with venom on your teeth and make Shane go “fuck off” and then say “I think you’ll be back for more Hollander.”
But he doesn’t. Because Ilya has mental health issues that won’t fully emerge until years later, when he knows Shane loves him and he knows he’s safe from the real and perceived dangers that haunt him. And his issues won’t be cured by that love, or by leaving Russia, or by coming out, or by winning at hockey. Ilya will always be in danger of falling into that comfortable space of low self-worth and grief.
He grieves for his mother every time he’s low about something unrelated (see his dreams in TLG). He grieves for tragedies that haven’t yet befallen them (Shane won’t come outside to meet his mother in his dreams). He wonders if he deserves anything that makes him happy: kissing Shane, holding Shane, talking with Shane and leaning on him.
And in that moment in Vegas, the same Shane that later loves Ilya is right there. He’s the same Shane, albeit one with less self-acceptance. He’s lying there with vodka he hates offering a friendly listening ear. If Ilya doesn’t want to talk, he could kiss Shane’s beautiful lips instead with all the emotion he’s suppressing and let himself be comforted that way, but Ilya’s instinct is to deny himself such comforts. He’ll figure this out on his own and the next time Hollander sees him he won’t be so fucking high maintenance, and Hollander won’t ask so many questions. He’ll be nothing but the fun guy everyone loves to hate and Shane’s perfect fantasy. And he does this again in the Long Game, but this time he’ll be Shane’s perfect boyfriend, if only Shane would be quiet and stop prying and let Ilya work out this bullshit on his own.
He’s depressed. He thinks he can brute force his way out of it. And I think it’s important that the story reveals that early.
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I am not inclined to read the Game Changers books, and lately I have seen things about The Long Game that make me even less inclined, but the "Ilya wants to come out" storyline that lives in my head is so so good. Because he knows it would endanger himself and everyone he loves. It puts his extended family in danger, it puts Svetlana in danger, Svetlana might need to distance herself for her family's safety. It cuts him off from his homeland and his niece and his mother's grave. And that's just the Russia stuff.
But he doesn't think he can take another 15-years-to-life of secrecy. He doesn't believe they can make it another 15 years without getting caught. He knows every reason they shouldn't and they can't, but the closet is suffocating him.
AND THAT'S WHY HE TRIED TO AVOID THIS. Not because he was stupid or immature or a commitment-phobe, but because he rightfully feared he wouldn't be able to handle a Real Relationship with these conditions. For years he tried not to admit he was in love, because in his mind, being in love could quite literally kill them.
And now, as he expected: he wants to come out. He thinks it's selfish. Shane kind of thinks it's selfish. He's scared and ashamed and it's putting a strain on his relationship, and he still can't help wanting it. And it's so brutally unfair that the world asks them to make this choice.
I love the opening of Heated Rivalry so much because it sets up the show and Shane and Ilya's dynamic so perfectly. From "not the most sociable" Shane Hollander actively going out of his way to interact (because he's already fascinated by him) to "not liked outside of his own locker room" Ilya Rozanov being a bit of a cocky shit (which we pretty quickly realise is a front) to the instant spark of attraction.
Look at this man experiencing freckles and awkward Canadian politeness and developing a fat crush.
My favourite part however is as Shane is leaving clearly uncomfortable with how their conversation went (he does a head tilt like "well, that went horribly")
Ilya notices and that's when he chirps, immediately making Shane more comfortable as he chirps back. And thus, their lovingly teasing, when they say "asshole" and "boring" they really mean "I love you" dynamic is born.
Also, yes, Ilya's lighter doesn't spark until Shane appears which is just an additional beautiful touch.
yes ofc shane 'in perfect fucking french' hollander is bilingual (reaching for trilingual) but I think out his ass ilya pulls out a passing amount of german, polish, and finnish one day with zero explanation. when pressed about it, he just kinda shrugs n goes 'I remember being alone in a strange country. I remember what it was like to miss home.' and shane smashes his face between his hands and almost sobs bc 1 ilya is first n foremost shanes baby n 2 ilya is and always has been one of the kindest men shane has ever known and every new piece of it he finds makes shane emotional also 3 the competency kink goes brrr
Look at his face! His eyes. He is trying so so so hard to be so chill. So nonchalant. "Don't look down. Turn the volume down. Don't look at him yet. He might disappear. Be cool. Don't spook him." And oh my god he is not chill in the slightest. He is so touched that Shane seems to care. He asked about the girls thing and it didn't go well so he's taking this as a sign that maybe Shane does care. It goes downhill in like 5 minutes but you know.
And then:
He settles in a bit and he looks almost almost relaxed. But he still can't look! And the barely-there jaw flex, shoving down the emotions. Looking makes it too real. Even though it's already very real for Ilya.
And then we get so brave because he wants to look! Memorize Shane laying on his chest. The weight of him. His smell. How his hair feels.
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It was pretty easy to tell, especially when the person avoiding him wasn't exactly being subtle about it. It would have been funny if it weren't so tragic.
The fact was: Ilya had found his soulmate, and he’d been getting the cold shoulder for nearly a month.
He knew that he was partly to blame. They hadn't known each other long, and their meeting probably hadn't exactly gone the best. Come to think of it, it hadn't been that terrible—just a bit awkward. But apparently, for his soulmate (whose name he now knew was Shane Hollander), it had been awful enough to make him determined to run away from Ilya every chance he got.
It was funny.
Whenever they ran into each other in the school hallways, Shane would change direction and vanish the moment he saw him. On one particularly memorable occasion—when Ilya decided to take the initiative—he was pretty sure Shane had faked an emergency just to avoid having that conversation. He still laughed whenever he thought about it.
The thing was, Ilya was trying to be patient. Trying to give him space.
Patience wasn't exactly his strong suit, but damn it, he was trying not to be a jerk about the whole thing.
He was trying to be cool about it for Shane Hollander’s sake.
Even though Shane was avoiding him, he knew the guy didn't hate him. At most, he was embarrassed by the awkward way they’d discovered they were soulmates and by what was written on their soulmate marks.
When he was fourteen and first saw the words written on his waist, Ilya hadn't known what to think.
"You can't smoke here."
The very first thing his soulmate would say to him was a complaint.
Great.
He didn't want to blame that phrase, but it was probably the reason Ilya had started smoking in the first place. He enjoyed the challenge, and in some strange way, it made him feel closer to the person destined for him.
Of course, when they actually met, he hadn't intended to reply with that insult, and he regretted the words the moment they left his lips.
S'yebis' otsyuda. “Fuck off.”
It hadn't been intentional; he’d spoken purely out of reflex. He would have said something nicer if he’d been paying attention, but—damn it—the words had slipped out before he could stop them, driven more by his reflexive irritation at being told he was doing something wrong than by any real thought.
He really hoped Shane wasn't upset about it. He didn't want to think about how Shane must have felt seeing those words appear on his skin for the first time and then translating their meaning.
Sighing, Ilya closed his locker while gathering his books. He was grabbing the textbooks for his next class when he spotted Shane at the far end of the hallway, walking toward him completely distracted. He was gorgeous. Ilya hadn't realized he had a "type" until he saw that boy—tall, with a serious expression and beautiful freckles dusting his cheeks. He was simply perfect.
When Shane got close and finally saw Ilya, he froze for a few seconds like a deer in headlights. Those brown eyes stared back at him, and he looked ready to bolt at any moment, though there was clearly no ill will in his gaze. He was probably just shy.
When Ilya took a step toward him—likely because he enjoyed teasing him and watching him get flustered—Shane turned around, ready to run.
He’d taken about three steps when Ilya couldn't help himself and spoke up:
“You can't keep running away from me forever, Shane,” Ilya said, loud enough for him to hear.
Shane stopped, looking almost embarrassed by the excuse he was about to give. His shoulders tensed for a moment, and he hesitated a few seconds before finally turning just enough to glance at Ilya over his shoulder.
"I'm just late for class," Shane replied. As he spoke, a flush slowly crept across his face, spreading from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He turned away again, though, and resumed walking at a brisk pace.
Ilya raised an eyebrow as he watched him walk off.
"Your class is in the other direction," he pointed out.
Shane froze mid-step.
Ilya leaned back against the locker and crossed his arms over his chest, an amused smile threatening to break across his face. He could practically see the exact moment Shane realized his mistake.
Shane turned to look at Ilya, blinked, and turned beet red.
"Oh."
"Oh?" Ilya repeated, amused and had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
He watched Shane walk past him with hesitant steps, trying to maintain a semblance of composure. The effort it took, however, was almost painfully obvious.
Then, as soon as he’d put a few meters of distance between them, he started to run. Literally run.
Ilya couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face as he watched the other boy’s figure disappear down the hallway.
He was cute when he was nervous.
It was worth being patient.
He would wait until he was ready to talk.
A few days later, Ilya was smoking outside the school, leaning against the brick wall and watching the smoke dissipate in the cold air.
The break was nearly over, and the flow of students was gradually slowing down. Ilya took another unhurried drag, his eyes wandering distractedly across the courtyard.
He had an English test later and was so stressed that he couldn't resist the urge to sneak a cigarette.
That was when he saw Shane approaching.
The other boy hesitated for a few seconds the moment he spotted him. His steps slowed to a near-halt, as if he were debating whether to keep going or turn around and run while he still had the chance.
For an instant, Ilya truly believed that was exactly what he would do; after a month of being avoided, he had grown used to seeing Shane’s back every time they crossed paths. But to his surprise, Shane finally gathered the courage and kept walking toward him.
"You really shouldn't be smoking here," Shane said. A small smile played on his lips as he spoke. Even though he was nervous—his fingers fidgeting with one another—he avoided looking Ilya in the eye for too long.
Ilya laughed when he heard that phrase.
Shane Hollander knew how to be funny?
"Fuck off," Ilya replied, clearly amused. Shane smiled at him, his nervousness seeming to vanish for a few seconds.
For a moment, the two fell silent. It was strange how that simple exchange of words seemed to relieve some of the tension that had been building between them for weeks.
After a while, Ilya let out a sigh.
"Sorry about the... swear word on your chin."
Shane’s smile faltered.
Instinctively, he raised his hand to his neck, his fingers finding the exact spot where the other mark was written. At that same instant, Ilya felt his own mark sting slightly.
It was always strange when that happened—a silent reminder that they were linked forever.
"At least it was in Russian", Ilya thought. It would be a thousand times more embarrassing if it were in English.
"It’s fine. I stopped caring about it a long time ago. And yours..."
Before Shane could finish, Ilya grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it a few inches, revealing the phrase written on his waist.
It was a casual gesture. Impulsive, perhaps.
Shane immediately turned red. His eyes widened for a moment before darting away to anywhere but Ilya’s exposed skin.
"Cool," he murmured, his fingers fidgeting nervously again. "Cool. Very cool."
Ilya had to stifle a laugh.
Silence settled between them once more. Ilya took another drag of his cigarette while Shane stood beside him, restless. Shane seemed to want to say something, but he dint know how.
Then, suddenly:
"So, do you want to come over to my dorm for dinner sometime?" The words tumbled out in a nervous rush. "I can make something for us. Do you have any allergies or intolerance? Is there anything you hate? Because I could make pasta, or soup. Do you like soup? Or meat. Actually, I could make..."
Ilya started to laugh.
Damn, Shane was adorable.
Smiling, Ilya dropped his cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of his shoe. Then he took a few steps forward. Ilya moved closer slowly, until they were near enough for Shane to catch the faint scent of tobacco mixed with his cologne.
For a moment, Shane seemed to forget how to move.
Ilya tilted his head and planted a quick kiss on his lips. It was so brief that Shane barely had time to process it.
Then Ilya leaned in and kissed him again a little longer this time.
His hand rose almost automatically, without much thought, as if it already knew exactly where to go. His fingers found Shane’s chin—the exact spot where his soul mark was—and he used that hold to pull him closer, guiding his face with a gentleness that allowed their lips to align perfectly.
That simple touch made Shane tremble.
Ilya deepened the kiss calmly, grazing his lips unhurriedly. He gave the rigid Shane time to gradually yield and begin moving on his own. At first, Shane remained tense, as if still trying to figure out if this was real. But, little by little, that stiffness melted away.
Soon, Shane’s fingers touched Ilya’s waist, pulling him closer as well. His fingers found the exact spot where Ilya’s mark was, drawing a soft gasp from him against Shane’s lips.
They probably could have gone on kissing for a long time if the school bell hadn't rung.
When Ilya finally pulled back, he stayed close enough to still feel Shane’s breath. Blue eyes stared into brown ones with an almost fierce intensity.
Shane seemed to have completely forgotten how to breathe. His mouth opened and closed a few times until he finally said:
"Is that a yes?"
And Ilya couldn't help but laugh again.
He was already in love.
note: Thanks to @pikachusthef for helping improve the English! This is a continuation of the soulmark fanfic on my profile. I remember seeing a repost where someone discussed Ilya's perspective, and I felt inspired—haha—so @remembersunflowers; you inspired me to come up with this!
i know that ilya is always standing close as fuck to shane at any given point. just always up in his business, every part of them touching, for no reason at all. ilya’s front to shane’s back constantly nosy as fuck looking at things over his shoulder, making comments about how shane cuts vegetables. nose to nose like “hey”. and shane never says anything, just lets it happen. honestly, he gets a lil grumpy is ilya stands too far away and tries to sneakily close the distance and ilya Always notices and makes fun of him bc he thinks it’s so cute
So, Hollanov toddler fic where, for whatever reason, Irina and Ilya are at the same airport as Shane and his parents.
Irina is having a stilted conversation with one of the airport workers, maybe her tickets are wrong because they've seated her five year old away from her, I don't fly so whatever.
Anyway Ilya is bored and doesn't really understand the conversation anyway so he's looking around and notices Shane, who saw a dog and wandered away from his parent because he wanted to pet it and forgot that he should say something about the dog and wanting to pet it, something something mostly nonverbal Shane.
So Shane realizes that he can't find his parents or the doggy and starts to cry and well, no one really cares about one crying toddler when they have flights to catch, except Ilya decides that he's going to help this kid, so he goes over and gets babyShane to stop crying and tells him he'll help in his very limited English and takes his hand to take him back to Irina but they can't find her so they go on an adventure through the airport trying to find either of their parents.
Eventually Shane remembers the bording gate he and his parents were going to and they go off to find it, they get there and Ilya is helping Shane climb onto a seat but Shane won't stand on it because you're not supposed to do that, that's a bad thing and Shane's already been bad enough in his eyes today so Ilya is standing on the chair looking for two people that look like Shane because the concept of parents not looking like their kids is foreign to him.
However, they are only little and airports, adventures and new friends are exhausting, so eventually Ilya sits down in the chair and curls up with Shane and they fall asleep together sharing the same chair.
They are found by an airport worker who reports it but doesn't want to wake the children so they wait while the parents are located and brought over and while Yuna meets Irina David is taking a dozen pictures of the two on his camera.
However they do still have flights to catch and while Ilya doesn't wake up when Irina untangled him Shane does and wails the entire way to the bording gate and through most of their flight before he passes out from exhaustion.
Unfortunatly Shane asks for Ilya almost everyday for a year because he's his bestest friend and he helped him find his parents but neither David nor Yuna thought to get anything more than Irina's name, they didn't think their son would fixate on a boy he knew for a handful of hours so deeply.
Ilya also asks for Shane but well, he's no stranger to not getting things he wants so his asking doesn't last nearly as long.
Of course, David never got the pictures from that trip developed, at least not until after the Hollanov wedding, and he finds a handful of pictures of his kid with another kid (who he does eventually recognize as Ilya but not immediatly) curled up in an airport chair and thinks that looks familiar and realized that it's the same exact way Ilya and Shane curl up together on the couch or loveseat when they are over watching a movie.
And maybe there is a picture or two of Irina collecting a sleeping Ilya and of him sleeping on her shoulder before they leave.
And David wonders if maybe, just maybe they were meant to find one another.
He does, of course, use the pictures to embarass them at one of their anniverseries when Harris is asking aboit the Hollanov Timeline, David has the gleeful pleasure of saying that Ilya and Shane are both wrong as he whips the pictures out and says they were meant for each other long before Rookie season or the summer before and thus causes a breakdown in most of the team and their partners but also unlocks that memory for Ilya and Shane.
Something something, we'll make our way back to eachother no matter what, and I'll find you in every lifetime.
smile - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 546 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3 - cw: mentioned canon depression and minor character death, but it's not a depressing, I promise!
June 2021
Their wedding is in one month.
Every time Ilya reflects on this fact, he smiles so widely his eyes squint shut, and he has to pinch himself to check if his life is real.
But on June 15th, it really, truly hits him.
Because Ilya Rozanov, self-proclaimed forever-young asshole....is thirty.
He'd spent the whole weekend celebrating. Drunk out of his mind at bars and house parties, all of his friends there with him, only taking breaks from the chaos to fuck Shane in every available room he could find.
The weekend had been a blur. He'd sworn up-and-down, between shots and shotgunning beers, that he was just as young as he'd always been. That Scott Hunter (who had partaken in a fair amount of the festivities) was the only dinosaur there, and he could still keep up with the best of them.
And he could!
Until he'd woken up Monday with the worst hangover of his life, which was still bleeding into Tuesday, his actual birthday.
"I am dying," he groans now, laid out on the couch. Shane, the asshole, just laughs. "And my husband does not even care," he adds.
"Not your husband yet. You have to be alive to marry me," Shane jokes, but Ilya can see the heat in his eyes at the word 'husband.' They've fucked more than once about it.
The comment hits Ilya strangely, though. Maybe it's all of the alcohol that's gone through his system in the past few days, (Galina told him that people with depression are likely to experience natural mood drops after drinking a lot), or maybe it's the fact that he still feels a little off, even now. But he doesn't laugh at the words. He chews on them and swallows them, digesting them slowly.
"I...did not think I would be alive, actually," he murmurs after a long moment, furrowing his brow.
Shane's by his side in an instant. "Wh--what do you mean?" he demands.
"Is okay, solnyshko, I am safe," he reminds Shane, because they both need to hear it. "But...after...everything. With Mama, with Papa, with...life. Is maybe...I don't know. I did not hopeI would be dead. But when people asked, 'Ilya, what will life be like when you are adult? Will you marry? Have children?' I...my mind is blank. I do not have ideas. I think I thought...I would not make it this far," he admitted with a shrug. "I would be good at hockey, yes, but then...I don't know."
He can tell, from the way Shane's looking at him, that he desperately wants to say something. He's thankful that he doesn't.
"Relationship, marriage, turning thirty...I am older than my mother now, did you know?" he murmurs, voice breaking a little. "Feels...strange. I did not think I would ever be so lucky, to have all of this. To make it here."
Shane reaches for him, pulling him into a hug that feels more like a lifeline, rocking him slowly back and forth as tears begin to stream quietly down his face. "You deserve it, Ilya," he mutters in that soft tone reserved only for him.
So Ilya celebrated before his birthday. And cries during.
talk - hollanov - @taylorswiftmicrofic - word count: 317 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3
The people from CCM talk without even acknowledging Ilya. As he sits, scanning over the contract for the shoot, pretending to understand the complicated English words that he’s never even heard once in his life before, they mutter to each other about ideas for how they’ll pose him, excited to have secured his face in their advertisement.
And really, Ilya should just mind his business. He should just be excited for the considerable paycheck, which he will send back to Russia to help his brother and father, so his guilt eases and their horrible words cease for a little while.
But as these faceless executives discuss concepts for the shoot, all Ilya can think of is Shane fucking Hollander.
Why?
Well, he has no fucking idea, actually.
He should be thinking about his training. About winning games and being the best. Or, at least, about the girl he hooked up with last night.
It’s just that Hollander’s sweaty, dazed gaze from that night in the hotel gym keeps appearing to Ilya in his dreams, and he needs more of it.
He needs to see Hollander again. To see exactly what it meant, when those eyes had darkened and those pupils had expanded.
He just needs it once. Just to get it out of his system.
Then he can forget Hollander and focus on his career.
So he says it before he can stop himself: “Invite Hollander.”
The execs look over to him, as if shocked that he can even speak English. “...what?” one of them asks, eyebrows furrowed.
He keeps his expression calm. Neutral. Blasé, even. “You want good picture, yes? Many people look at it? Invite Shane Hollander. People like it when we…face off,” he explained, shrugging.
Ha!
It took everything in him not to grin as he saw faces light up.
One time, he reminded himself.
Then he wouldn’t think about stupid Shane Hollander again.
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The night before Shane might win his third Stanley cup, Ilya sends him the clip of his Stanley cup win.
Confused, Shane immediately calls him.
"Is this some new and unique way to psych me out before the final, Rozanov? I didn't know you had money on Detroit."
"No, I am sending for a good reason," Ilya laughs. "I know it sucks for us that when you win all your team will be kissing their girlfriends and Pike will be making out all gross with Jackie, and we will not be able to. So, I wanted to show you exactly where I first kissed the cup. It was on the top, right over where it says Ottawa 1905, left of where it says 'Challenge Cup'. I remember because I did this on purpose. We weren't anything then, but I was thinking of you. I couldn't help thinking of you. So if you kiss the same place, it will be a little like we are sharing a kiss. And only we will know about it."
And Shane feels the air clean knocked out of his lungs and the back of his throat get tight, as he barely gets out, "Baby, that's... Thank you. I don't know what to say. I love you so fucking much. I'll make sure you see our kiss, okay?"
"I will be watching. I love you, My Shane. Go show the world why Shane Fucking Hollander is the goat, okay?"
On the night Shane wins his third Stanley Cup, he kisses their spot on the cup, thinking only of Ilya, and longs for a day where he can pull him onto the ice like Scott did with Kip.
On the night Shane wins his fourth Stanley cup, he hoists the cup into the air with his captain, they both kiss the same spot on the trophy, and then in front of the world, on his home ice, Shane Hollander kisses his husband, and it feels like a promise fulfilled.
ok the flip of my post about shane having zero awareness that people think he's cool is Ilya having zero awareness people develop anything beyond surface level connection with him
ilya knows he's charming, he knows he's hot and funny he knows he can motivate his team and he knows he's a good fuck but he doesn't know how many people want More so bad
for years in boston he's flirty and cocky over how many people come back for more in terms of hook ups with no concept of that fact that some of them linger because they want to get to know him too. he goes out and always has a fun time with his teammates and boosts morale and buys everyone shots but he doesn't actually tell the team anything Real. he's good for Fun, that's it, he doesn't realize the rookies, marleau and other players would sit and listen to him talk about Him for hours if he let them.
which is part of why ottawa is such an adjustment because he's trying So Hard but he's barely even Fun anymore so what purpose does he have? when the reality is, ilya's life is a trail of people who have been impacted by him but he fades out because he thinks he has very a Specific Purpose and sticking around or Being Known is not part of that (he doesn't know anyone would be interested anyway)
and THIS is incredibly frustrating for shane when they're married because his husband is STILL all big smiles and flirty jokes whenever they're out and Shane is watching people not just get turned on (he loves that so many people want his husband but only He gets him thank you) but also he watches people want even More while ilya is completely unaware and doesn't realize people Want to know the past behind such a dazzling smile and phenomenal charm.
shane is brutally aware of how adored ilya would be if he let anyone close enough to see how much there Is to love about him but ilya just doesn't. he makes flirty surface level comments to waitresses and bartenders and grins but always keeps it light when they start to dig for More. he flirts without even realizing because he doesn't realize how drawn people are to Him as a person not just his body. so shane's eye is constantly twitching not because the waitress wanted to fuck ilya rozanov but she WANTS HIS HUSBAND dammit
he sees ilya being an incredible leader and role model for the rookies and watches how he makes the team want to be better how he has that Thing shane never had that just makes people click. but he also then watches him step back and exist just outside the dynamic, never fully joining because he doesn't know how that's not His Role. he flirts to flatter people and then backs off because he's married but also because why would it he viewed as leading or more? there's nothing else to find
they also fuck about this but there is also a Lot of shane telling ilya how valued he is beyond that and talking about how bad everyone wishes they were married to his husband
I was inspired by this post to write about how I think this would go...
****
It's 1:30am when Marleau calls. Ilya would have slept through it if Shane hadn't wacked him in the face with a pillow and mumbled "Dude, your phone is ringing, make it stop."
"Oh." Ilya rubs his eyes and picks up his phone. "It's Marly."
"Probably drunk calling you again." Shane says into his pillow.
"I will just make sure he is alright. Go back to sleep." Ilya says, running a hand through Shane's hair.
"Mmmm...kay.."
He heads out of the dark bedroom, tripping on a pair of disarded pants (his), closes the door behind him and switches on the hallway light. "Marly, are you calling me because you forgot your address to tell the Uber driver again..."
He stops, because it sounds like the person on the other end of the phone is crying. Ilya pauses, double checks. Yup, it's Marleau's name on the screen.
"Roz, I'm sorry, bro...."
"Are you okay? What's going on?"
His best friend hiccups. "I...I..."
"Marly, what is it? What did you do?"
"I'm straight!" Marleau almost wails.
Ilya sits down on the floor, his back against the bedroom door. If this is a dream it is a very weird one.
"Um.. okay... I know that. Why are you telling me this in the middle of the night?"
"Because I tried. I really tried, okay, I promise." Marly's voice is slurred, his words running into each other. Okay, so Shane was right about the drunk part...
"You tried what?"
"Guys, Roz, guys! Well, one guy. Figured I should just start with the one guy. And at first it was okay, kissing him was fine, and I liked it when he sucked my dick, that was really good, but then I went to suck his and it was just weird and gross! It tasted all sweaty and I didn't know what to do with my teeth and my tongue and then he told me to fuck him and I figured I could do that, cause he was like, turned around, so I thought it would be just like with a girl, but his balls were right there and I swear they were looking at me, and I... I couldn't do it! I made him leave..I'm sorry."
Marleau takes a breath for the first time and Ilya takes the oppertunity to jump in. "Marly, are you telling me you got drunk and hooked up with a guy?"
"What? No, the drunk part came later. I figured I had to be sober to see if I really liked it."
Ilya pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. "Okay, yeah, good, that's... I guess that's good." He takes a deep breath. "What guy? Where did you find him?"
"On Grindr."
"What?!"
"Well yeah, it seemed like the quickest way."
"Since when are you on Grindr?"
"Um, since this afternoon. I made a profile saying I was curious. I got a lot of matches, and this one guy said he would show me what I was missing, so I just invited him over."
"Oh my god, Marly, you're lucky you didn't get murdered! Okay, so you tried it and it wasn't for you, that's fine." Ilya says. "I don't understand why you're so upset about it."
"Because..." Marleau sniffs. "I thought maybe I could be bisexual too. You know, like you. But I'm not, okay, I'm not and I'm sorry, and... and..." he hiccups. "Are we even still going to be best friends if we can't talk about sucking dick together?" he wails.
"Marly, what the hell do you mean?"
"Well you know, that's how we bond, you and me, we talk about the girls we like and hook up with, and all that, and now you're like, in a proper relationship with a dude, and that's totally great, I'm happy for you, you know that, but that means you're never gonna be interested in girls again, so like, what are we even going to talk about?"
Ilya puts the phone on his knee so he can rub both his eyes."Marly. Bro. Are you telling me you hooked up with a guy because you thought it make us stay friends?"
"Well, I don't know. I'm sure you have all these gay friends now who you can talk to about fucking guys, so maybe you don't need me anymore and..."
"Marleau, you beautiful idiot." Ilya interrupts. "I can't believe I have to actually say this, but I am not friends with you just so I have someone to talk to about my hookups."
"You're not?"
"No. I am friends with you because I like you as a person."
"Really?"
"Yes. I promise."
Marleau sniffs again. "Okay. So I'm still your best friend?"
"Yes."
"Cool, that's cool."
They are both quiet for a few seconds. Marleau blows his nose.
"I cannot believe you sucked a guy's dick just to try to stay friends with me." Ilya says.
"Shut up." Marleau sounds almost like himself again. Crisis averted.
"No seriously, I think that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me..."
"Fuck you."
Ilya laughs, and he can hear Marleau laugh too. "I'm going back to bed now, okay? Will you be alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about me."
"Okay, I love you, dude. Even if you are straight."
"Thanks Roz. I needed to hear that. Love you too."
Ilya hangs up, chuckles to himself. Then he gets up, goes back to the bedroom, switching on the big light. "Shane, wake up, you are going to freak when you hear what Marly just did!"
Thinking there needs to be even more utter confusion in-fic about Shane and Ilya starting the Irina Foundation together as friends. Especially from their respective friends, and not because they think it’s a PR stunt.
They hear the press conference, Ilya talking about his mother’s death, and there are sirens going off in everybody’s heads about how in the world Ilya was ever vulnerable enough to tell Shane about his mom when most people he’s known for nearly a decade probably didn’t even know Irina was dead. Cliff is screaming crying throwing up because he had no idea, Svetlana is staring in shock at her screen because at least she had an inkling about Shane but not to this extent, and the rest of his Bears/Centaurs teammates are going “did you know???” in all the chats without him in them. Bood is ready to call Hollander up and beg for advice on how to get this crazy Russian man to open up to their team.
And on Shane’s side of things, his people have zero concept of how Shane makes friends because Hayden and Jackie claimed him from pretty much the moment they respectively met him, Rose best friend-zoned him, and J.J. is basically the final girl extrovert to end all extroverts. But Shane didn’t start off hating any of them like they think he hated Rozanov, and he’s also never had a vulnerable conversation with any of them that didn’t need to be clawed out (gently) from inside him.
Going off of all their prior knowledge of these two, their friends absolutely would conclude that Hollanov are somehow insanely close, platonic soulmates if you will. I think knowing Irina’s story should do a lot of heavy-lifting with their friends when it comes to their closeness, because what could make being friends more believable than telling someone that story? This also means there is potential for their friends calling them soulmates (platonic, to them though), and Shane fumbling over his words in horror and confusion because how did they know, while Ilya’s just like “yes” about it.
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Forever thinking about “Boston is nice too?” and wanting to throw up about it. Just sitting on the floor of a gym across from the stranger who would be the Shane of his existence like.
I am so far away from home. I am so afraid but I cannot show it. I’m going to be all on my own out there and people are not kind to me. I’ve always been alone, but never this kind of alone before. I don’t really know you, but you seemed kind. And earnest. You would not lie to me. Is it safe? Will I be happy there and safe? Boston is nice too?
Ougghhhhgg. My brave little bug I’mgping to be sick
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