Just DM Things

The fourth installment of the d100 Common Magic Items. A warning that some might be verging into ‘Uncommon’ and some are sinking into joke territory.

Created with lots of help from @korvusdnd

I made all the items on this list for future Dnd campaigns. If you have any suggestions or changes, let me know!

1. The Ring of Elegance

A golden ring composed of two arms wrapped around each other.  When a character is wearing this ring, they will grow a certain number of extra body parts. To determine the number of parts you will grow, you will need to roll 1D6; depending on what new parts are grown, you will get an added point to your dexterity stat. The result of the 1D6 roll are as follows: 1-One Arm (+1), 2-two arms (+2), 3-one leg (+1), 4-two legs (+2), 5-One arm and one leg (+2), 6-A tumor appears randomly on your body (+0). In addition to this, the wearer may have one bonus action after every short rest. 

2. The House Pendant

A simple pendant in the shape of a 2-dimensional house. When wearing this pendant, the wearer gains the ability to create invisible barriers. +6 to armor class. Barriers can also be shot out for a 1D6 attack. The wearer may only summon 3 barriers per long rest. Each barrier has 6 hit points; after they are reduced to zero, they disappear. Think Mr. mime from Pokemon.

3. The Heart Shell 

An old, tattered shell in the shape of a heart. When attuned to this item, the character may not take damage unless the shell is directly targeted. The shell’s HP is equal to 1/3 of the user’s max HP (if the number is not whole, round down). The heart shell may be kept away from the body; however, if the user is more than 15 feet away from it, they fall into a coma and are only awoken when the shell moves closer. 

4. The Stem Cell

When attuned to this item, the user grows a tumor on a random place of their body. The tumor becomes a sentient creature and you can occasionally hear single words which represent its emotions. The tumor can either be happy, sad, angry, or bored. In order to be happy, someone must sing to it; when doing so, the user regains 1D6 HP. When sad, the user turns blue and can drink the tumor’s secretions as a cure for hunger and thirst. When angry, if the user is a magic class, they lose the ability to spell cast; if the user is a fighting class they gain a +3 when in hand-to-hand combat. Whn bored, the tumor wiggles. A lot…

5. Twig Sword

what making a dnd party is actually like:

So with that important distinction in mind, here’s a D&D story from The SilverClawShift Campaign Archives.

If You Mix A Portable Hole And A Bag Of Holding, Stuff Happens

[Previously, the party was attempting to escape from an infinite void and reach a portal to get back to the Material plane. The narrator gets left behind…]

“And I drift off into the eternal void of soul destroying nothingness, facing an eternity of losing my mind.

Why? The rogue figures I been stealing more than my fair share of the loot, cause I’m so greedy (I wasn’t). The cleric shouts out that he’s sorry, but they can’t find a way to get to me without risking themselves, and says something about always remembering me. Gee, thanks. I’m sure that thought’ll keep me warm. Out in the eternal nothing. I’d rather go to the 6th level of hell.

The Dm gives me the Game-ologists last rites. “Roll up a new character I guess.”

Me: “No!  Wait!  I can still do stuff right!”

DM: “Uh. Sure?”

Me: “Okay, I, uh. I take off one of my boots and let go.”

DM: “…kay. The boot floats off slowly in a random direction. Everything in this INFINITE plane repulses everything else, and the only landmark was destroyed by your party.”

Me: “I take off my other boot and let it go too!”

DM: “…it also floats off randomly.”

Me: “Goodbye boots!” :(

DM: *slaps forehead*  "Okay. You have fun in the abyss. When you’re ready to roll up a new character, I’ll weave you back into the game. For now, we’re gonna move on.“

So there I sit. Tuning out the rest of the party continuing adventuring, moving onto the next higher up on the BBEG scale. Staring at my character sheet. Humming TAPS. I kinda zoned out for a while and just relaxed, watching them play and mourning my characters loss. Then I saw it.

“WAIT!”  I shout, interrupting a random discussion.

DM: “Wait for what?”

Me: *holding out hands as if there was something there*  "I HAVE A BAG OF HOLDING.“

DM: "Yes. Enjoy your worthless loot in the abyss.”

Me: “I HAVE A PORTABLE HOLE.”

DM: “… oh crap?”

Players: “???”

Me: “IF YOU MIX A PORTABLE HOLE AND A BAG OF HOLDING, STUFF HAPPENS.”

Players: “Just entertaining yourself in the hoary netherworld then?”

Me: “No no no! There’s two things that happen. You can put a bag in a hole, or the hole into the bag. One way destroys both of them, the other OPENS A RIFT TO THE ASTRAL PLANE AND SUCKS EVERYTHING NEARBY INTO IT.”

Cleric: “Which does which?”

Me: “:D”…  "D:“… I don’t remember.”

DM: *Chuckle*

Me: “Let me roll a check?! Knowledge arcana?!”

Dm: “Sure.”

Me: “*fail* CRAP. What about knowledge, history?”

Cleric: “WHY would that answer this question?’

Me: "Cause it has to have come up before at some important time, and maybe I can remember which does which that way.”

DM: “Sure, roll.”

Me: *fail* “Oh god.”

Everyone’s staring at me at this point. And I’m totally lost in my character for the record. I’m looking back and forth at my hands, trying to decide which to do. Finally, I stuff the portable hole into the bag of holding and pray.

SUCCESS.

I AM NOW IN THE ASTRAL PLANE.