Anyway, while people are discoursing about men and not sharing Shubble points, hereβs the actual advice I got from watching the stream bc I think that probably needs to be spread more. Shubble elaborates it much better but if you canβt watch itβs better than nothing.
Physical abuse is not just hitting or kicking, anyone causing physical pain intentionally to you without consent is physically abusive, regardless of how that manifests or if it seems silly.
Pressuring someone into using a safeword on something thatβs not, like, a mutually agreed thing and is just something one partner wants is controlling and creepy.
Partners who push at the edge of your boundaries and avoid safewords are abusive.
A partner insisting youβre remembering things wrong and making you seem crazy is abusive (specifically, itβs gaslighting)
Grand romantic gestures from the beginning can very easily be a sign of abuse, as abusers use it to endear themselves to their victims.
Controlling behaviour and refusing to break up while also refusing to make changes is possessive and unhealthy at best.
Abusers will manipulate things to make it seem normal to those outside of their victims- by being kind and helpful even as they neglect their victim, by pressuring their victim to treat their abusive behaviour as a joke, ect. Itβs often very hard for an outside observer to know if something is abusive, and making assumptions off of what you know in front of closed doors isnβt helpful.
Itβs very hard to tell that youβre being abused, and you'll often still retain affection for your abuser for a long time- this is normal, and this isnβt your fault if you wanted to stay friends.
Even if an abuser is struggling with their own problems, taking it out on you is not acceptable. People can be bottling up their emotions and struggle with depression and past trauma and that gives them no excuse to hurt you.
If your partner relies entirely on you to take care of them, and support them financially, thatβs financial abuse one way or another.
Abusers tend to hurt more than one person, and their actions escalate without outside influence (be it intervention if possible or something that keeps them away from victims if not.)
Listen to your gut, if you think a relationship is bad. Even if youβve been through this before, sometimes you canβt realise in it, but youβll feel it subconciously.
Also, Shubble is being supported by friends who helped her cope and went through different but similar things. She's specifically mentioned right now keeping the stories anonymised, but she might change her mind, if I interpreted the last bit correctly. She's doing alright, she's healing, and it sounds like she's being believed by her friends, at least most of them. I wish nothing but growth and healing for them, and wish them the best moving forward.
areudirty
jbbartram-illu
kianamaiart
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
