Izuna: So, big brother … are you done yet with your Christmas shopping?
Madara: To be done would imply that I’ve even started, so, no.
Izuna: Y-you haven’t started? Madara … Christmas is in two days …
Madara: Exactly. And what is tomorrow?
Madara: Exactly. So I have a plan to save some money. I arrange to get all of my birthday presents early in the morning, open them, sell back the things I don’t like to the stores, and use that money to buy Christmas gifts for everyone else.
Izuna: That’s … both genius, and a bit unsettling. But what happens if you get a bunch of stuff that you love, and don’t want to return? Then what?
Madara: *laughs* What? Come on, Izu, in what world would that ever happen?
Madara, sitting in the middle of a pile of opened gifts: New gloves for my falconry. Premium products for my skin and hair. *holds up a small object* Even a beautiful little hand-carved statue of a kitten! Izuna, I can’t sell back any of this! I love it all too much!
Izuna: I told you so! Wait, Hashirama and Tobirama are on their way over. No offense to him, but Hashirama always gives you something well-priced but just never your style.
Madara: Shit, you’re right. There’s hope yet!
*At that moment the door opens and Hashirama walks in with Tobirama following behind*
Hashirama: *runs at Madara and nearly knocks him over in a hug* Happy birthday my love! *starts kissing around his face* You look so radiant today! You’re —
Madara, holding Hashirama off: Okay, okay, calm down, Hashi. No need to work yourself into a frenzy.
Tobirama, gruffly, from behind: He’s right, brother. Give him your present and let’s go.
Hashirama: Right, right. *reaches into his cloak pocket and pulls out a small wrapped box* I hope you like it. Tobi actually helped me pick it out.
Madara, thinking in his head: Oh good; that means it’ll be just expensive enough to make Hashirama and the stupid Senju clan look good, but something impractical and not to my tastes at all. I’ll get a mint when I return whatever monstrosity this is!
Madara, out-loud: Really? Well now, my curiosity is peaked. Let’s see what it is, eh? *slowly unwraps the box and stares in amazement, as he pulls out a delicate silver bracelet*
Hashirama, softly: Do you like it? It has both mine and your birthstones circling it, and our names are engraved on the underside. It’s … you know it’s not quite an engagement ring or something like that, but I think, it’s a good stand-in until I work up the courage for it.
Madara: *suddenly starts crying*
Hashirama, alarmed: M-Madara?? Oh, you hate it, you hate it don’t you? *starts to reach for it* I can take it back, I can get you something else or —
Madara: *pulls the bracelet back and puts it around his wrist* Don’t you dare, you asshole. I love this! *throws his arms around Hashirama’s shoulders and sobs* Why’d you have to do something so completely right and perfect for once, you bastard?? Why couldn’t you have gotten me an ugly sweater or something?? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I’LL HAVE TO TAKE OUT OF MY SAVINGS NOW?
Hashirama, confused: Madara, what are you —
Izuna: *sighs and chuckles* Hashirama, please stay with him until he calms down. Tobirama, come on, you’re buying me breakfast. Madara, I’ll be back later to help you shop. *he pulls on his cloak and pulls Tobirama out the door*
Tobirama, once they’re on the road: What the hell was that all about? And what do you mean, help him shop?
Izuna: Don’t ask, Tobi; it’s a long story.
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