Dummy

i feel like I'm actually just retarded or mentally defective, I can't draw anymore without stimming myself for like 30 minutes to an hour of not drawing and scroll through instagram reels or some crap i used to do beautiful gifts within 3 hours, now it takes me longer to even doodle i keep distracting myself i feel pointless my existence has no value i live for nothing, i believe in nothing everything i hoped for has been ruined things either don't change or they change for the worse im useless im a bad therapist i make many false promises im lazy, im slow im stupid im slow in the head nothing i ever try to change ever does i want to give up there is nothing left in me

every day i find it harder and harder to find enjoyment in my life

I sometimes feel like drawing myself in a beautiful dress in an open field of grass in pure bliss

Oh why must this happen, why must the one I believe to be the one for me treat me so neglectfully? The one I loved dearly to my heart and the one I spent countless hours of my life devoted to, thew me away as if I were a piece of plastic. My undying devotion was tossed away as if it only useful for a short time for their gain. I wish to find someone else who could possibly fill the warmth that she gave into me that I miss so so much. I know you would hate me for leaving you, I would too. I wish to feel the warmth that you provided for me once again, I will find it someday once again and feel comforted. Until then however, I will keep to myself with the warmth you gave me, hopefully find another who could give me the same warmth that you so lovingly gave to me, even though it was for a short moment in time. . . . . . . . . .