Just GingerKat

For the longest time, I was wondering why KSE started questioning LSH. The outcome was basically a done deal by that point, right? The two of them will die, the rewards will be transferred to the member outside the door. Then, they probably would have gone back in to piece LSH together. After all, Choi also said that KSE would ‘surely succeed.’ If both KSE and Choi thinks it’ll work, won’t it definitely work? And yet, KSE starts questioning LSH, essentially monologuing to confirm his own guesses, going on until he more-or-less admits to cheating, and the casino captures him. Why would he sabotage his own guaranteed outcome? Obviously it’s related to the plot, but making the character ooc and pushing a certain outcome in order to achieve plot is bad writing, and I don’t think bds-nim would so something so contrived.

So, a minor switch of topic. There’s a fairly common theory among choisol-ers that Choi is KSE’s fav DER character. I’m biased since I also ship choisol, but imo it comes across in things like ch 193, where KSE comes out with a whole monologue on Choi’s tricks and how to effectively disarm him (even tho KSE had no reason to think Choi would be there, and reread to prepare accordingly), and ch 223 where, despite KSE’s mental state, he has a whole page’s worth of dramatically introducing Choi. Fan theory aside, I think such details do a good job of showing how KSE’s emotional state tends to come across through action and not thought, even tho GSGW is written in his POV. Of course, we get his shock and horror and dry humor, but he—if you take the POV quite at face-value— seems to repress strong emotions ASAP, without giving himself time to process.

another, more neutral example of “through action, not narrative” is how we ALL know that KSE hates the death of his ‘coworkers’ and tries desperately to circumvent it, and we know he feels guilty, but imo the extreme depth of his guilt doesn’t come across until the Home Shopping arc. And, the main reason why we know is through his actions, instead of his thoughts. Isn’t it basically a fandom joke now, how KSE always tries to use the contract to save people?

And so, back to the main topic of ch 267. Why would Soleum unnecessarily put his own plan at risk? EHJ, RJK, LJH, Choi— all of their deaths were described with one, singular sentence. And then Soleum’s narration moved on. Even the gore of it goes largely unmentioned. One sentence of blood being splattered, and that’s it. All in all, each death only takes up 2 lines of narration at the most.

If we’re in KSE’s pov and he only bothers to give 2 lines of narration to the deaths and the gore, then he must not be very bothered, right~? It’s his perspective, after all!

well, no

maybe it’s obvious to other readers, but it took me multiple months of (passive) character analysis to understand this oddity in ch 267. Kim Soleum, who values his coworker’s lives, who hates other people sacrificing themselves for him, who does everything he can to save one more coworker— why would you suddenly, unnecessarily, put your plan and your coworkers’ sacrifices at risk? So much effort to save LSH, and it all goes down the drain because of an unnecessary questioning?

You must have been really shaken up ㅠㅠ

Maybe KSE, who saw his coworkers die one after the other, wanted confirmation that LSH is really still there, and really can be saved. Maybe KSE, who hates being alone in scary situation, wanted confirmation that someone he knows is with him, and that he’s not alone in the horror that he just witnessed. Even if he logically knows there’s someone outside, even if he’s technically aware that none of his coworkers are actually dead… emotionally, how he supposed to handle such a thing?

He so, so carefully doesn’t think about what just happened at all. Two sentences max per death. Not a single thought of how he’s feeling. The narration simply moves on. So carefully not thinking about what just happened, but his frazzled, illogical, ooc actions make it obvious how affected he is ㅠㅠ he’s taken risks before, but how often has he ended up sabotaging his own plan? Is this the first time? Wow, Soleum-ie, I can’t even imagine how he felt

Now, reading this chapter makes me really sad. Was he shocked by the visual of their deaths? Feeling guilty because they all died when he’s the main one who wanted to save LSH ? Was he scared, being in a room full of blood where the only person left is a chimera he’s desperately trying to save? Did he hate himself for a moment, when he realized he screwed the plan up? How frantically did he run to get those body parts? How terrified was he when he brought that gun to his temple, and he shot it anyway? Was his hand shaking (even in his narration, “and then, and then…”, he can’t bring himself to say he shot himself. Instead, “the bullet entered his head”. Such a clinical description, so carefully devoid of attachment)? By the time he was carried out, did he become numb from feeling too much? And even when numb, he asks about GYG’s situation.

on the other hand, I can’t tell if it’s a popular bit or if people really think that Choi “fumbled” in part 2? Like yeah he messed up but “fumble” implies clumsiness or a mistake. He messed up 100% because of his personality and ways of thinking and preconceptions. His mistake makes incredible amounts of sense. His particular line of thinking makes tracks all the way through. His line of thinking is, also, directly fueled by Soleum’s frustrating (lack of) communication. So it’s a mutual issue, to be honest

"watch out for serial killers."

"tell me, you fool: if I continue to regress, will I get to see you again?"

I’ve never actually made a post for the green grape ade but I’ll link it here if/when I do (it’s ch 195). To summarize, it reveals a lot about Choi’s hesitation at the time of the relevant arc, despite its extremely short description.

similarly, on the assumption that Choi is the one who said “Please return safely, civilian” in ch 371,,, it’s only one line, but it contains so much.

narratively, it matches very well. From the very beginning, we/Soleum have known Choi as someone who “would do anything to save one person”, so Soleum finally having his turn as ‘the person saved’ makes the theme come full circle. Plus this scene is pretty soon after their confrontation, and the sentiment of ‘please return safely’ nicely gives a hasty but pretty bow on it by showing that Choi doesn’t have any hard feelings, and that he sincerely hopes Soleum can be safe at home. Additionally, it clearly separates Soleum from the rest of the cast, as someone from another world. Not Roe Deer or Grapes or Soleum, just ‘civilian’. It’s the detachment Soleum has strove to maintained throughout the whole series. Finally, Soleum being called ‘civilian’ showcases the fact that he really is just a normal person, a ‘civilian’ in a place he doesn’t belong. Through everything he’s been through and all the titles he has, the noun ‘civilian’ ties back to the beginning and acknowledges his roots. It humanizes him, after all the times his humanity has been brought into question.

it’s also really impersonal.

narratively, it makes sense! Narratively, it hits really really really hard! Even now, I want to tear up when I read that line, because of how much it hits, how well it fits the context, and how much it symbolizes Soleum’s journey while conveying well wishes and comfort for him! It’s a great line!

but when I think about it, how did Choi feel when saying it? An impersonal title like ‘civilian’. He can use it to refer to anyone and everyone; he uses it to refer to the Daydream employees throughout the entire Sekwang arc. The impersonality of it works for the narrative because it hones in on the fact that Soleum is just like ‘everyone’ else, like all the other civilians trying to their best to live daily, unassuming, insignificant but beloved lives. The impersonality of it is the exact opposite of Choi, who treasures his people so much, to the point that their happiness only comes second to their health/safety.

Choi, who climbed a mountain on zero sleep for Soleum after confirming that Soleum was a spy and getting half his face ripped off. Choi, who waited for over 293 days, spending his life in a cave and making egg porridge every day so that his juniors could have a homemade meal if they woke up. It can be argued that Choi readiness to sacrifice himself is more indicative of his self-worth than his love for his juniors, but his non-self-sacrificial actions clearly show his love. He rarely, if ever, calls Soleum or Jaekwan by impersonal names, especially in Korean, where the lack of honorifics is indicative of intimacy. (I can’t be 100% of this because I’m not re-reading all the chapters just to check, but he’s def way more prone to nicknames or first names than titles).

compared to those nicknames, used to show affection, to force familiarity, to intimidate, to manipulate, etc etc etc, ‘civilian’ is so informal. Even at his most manipulative/suspicious, Choi uses a name that shows he’s referring to Soleum. With ‘civilian’, it can refer to anyone. A title that erases all connection between them.

I don’t have a smooth transition, but anyway, here are my guesses for why he called Soleum ‘civilian’. Numbered, but in no particular order.

He doesn’t know what to say, but thought he should say something if it’s the last time he’ll see Soleum. So, in a moment of exhaustion while under a time limit, he defaulted to a standard line

He feels guilty for Soleum’s death and guilty for not believing him. Thinking he doesn’t deserve to act familiar with Soleum after wronging him so much, he chooses an impersonal title

Similar to green grape ade, he’s not sure what Soleum thinks of him, what their relationship is (friendly vs antagonistic), or if he’d dislike it if Choi acted familiar after everything, so he chooses an impersonal title.

Choi is a manipulative person. Whether he wants to be or not, whether he’s trying to be manipulative or not, he’s manipulative (not necessarily in a bad or malicious way. I can make a separate post on this if someone wants me to). He also has, historically, used all of Soleum’s names and titles in a manipulative manner. Ch 146, 193, 353, etc etc. Maybe at the end, at least, he wanted to be not manipulative, and wanted to be extra careful of not manipulating Soleum at all. So, he uses the title he’s never used before, which has no strings attached and no interpersonal meaning. ‘Civilian’.

there is a possibility that he said the line to be cool and to match the atmosphere and everything, but that doesn’t fit (my interpretation of) Choi at all. For all that he sometimes brags about himself and hypes up his own experience, he’s never tried very hard to be ‘cool’ at all. So, I think the use of ‘civilian’ definitely has underlying meaning and is indicative of Choi’s (very bad) emotional state of the time.

"Just saying."

MY OWN THOUGHTS by Helena Minginowicz (Polish, b. 1984)