that's my nature, kissing strangers

alisha boe & she/her/cisfemale ‷ watch out , juniper green has crash-landed into roswell !! they look twenty-eight years old and celebrate their birthday on august ninth . they are from bisbee, arizona, reside in jupiter valley and are currently working as a nail technician. one thing you should know about them is that she knows and can recite the animaniac’s nations of the world off by heart.

beth: nothing, jst doesnt make sense that youve texted me of all ppl. esp bc you were all buddy buddy for a sec but then switched it up real quick

juni: yeah my bad

juni: should have known there’s no point in trying to have an amicable conversation with you

mattie giggles in reply, “only the best for you juni” she gives her friend a grin. she was glad that it didn’t take juniper much convincing, “thank-you! ugh – fine – i’ll wait” mattie just wanted to get into the old house and exprience some spooks. “yeah, that’d make more sense wouldn’t it. any of the food stalls caught your eye?” of course she’d googled some of menus before she came to the event, just to prep, “alright, pass it over then”. 

a long  but quick puff is taken off the joint before holding it out to mattie for the taking . if only pulling drags faster in order not to hear the other whine about wanting to experience everything the evening had to offer . there would be plenty of time yet to get in the creepy old house before they closed , find something to eat and make it to the boat ride . ❝ hmm , ❞ lids remain closed , letting a plume of smoke exit the corner of her lips as she recounts the stalls they passed on the way in . ❝ whatever the hell an ice cream taco is , we need to try . it sounds disgusting . ❞

since the beginning of their relationship , juniper’s collection of odds and ends in the medicine cupboard had healed every scrape and complaint , from the severe to the scratch . as much as she likely expected his palms and fingertips to be in shreds , hanging off and queueing up another inevitable amputation , he had poked his head out the other end relatively unscathed — a few nicks and peeled cuticles would be healed with a kiss , a dab of disinfectant and one of jacie’s peppa pig bandaids . “ i think i came out pretty well , considering this is the first real choppy meal i’ve ever made . i mean , i’m not gonna be opening any restaurants any time soon , but i’m like … ninety-nine percent confident this dish is totally vegetarian . no fingers or flesh in this portion . i can’t say the same for jacie over there , “ their doe-eyed chunk of a daughter happily munched ( and tossed in every which direction ) her meal , excitedly tucking in to some real vegetables prepared by her culinarily-inept father . 

and then , it was the moment of truth . two bowls , stacked with finely and crookedly chopped vegetables , were carried to the dining table and perched opposite one another , the seat allocated to juniper tugged out ever so slightly in as much of a chivalrous act as the woman would allow . circling the table , he took a seat by his own portion with fingertips hovering over his fork , awaiting the fateful first bite , the verdict of his fiancée — ex-fiancée , girlfriend , acquaintance — and the following reaction . for a man seemingly allergic to anything green or with a stem , a part of jaden was rather excited to try his own handiwork . “ i’m holding out for it to taste amazing . i could really do with some more kisses . i’ll be wielding the frying pan a whole lot more , if that’s the case . “ the implement was seized and , hesitantly , a veg-filled forkful was loaded upon the spikes . 

looks could easily be deceiving , and here she was handing out praises before the food was even tasted . it didn’t take a much to impress juniper when it came to the mundane day-to-day things . the bar set substantially low for the male who in the past year , was just learning to do the washing . ❝ 99% . great . if i find a chunk of your flesh in my food that’s an immediate end to us . i can’t deal with an attempt to be sweet only for you to jeffery dahmer me . ❞ as jaden balances dishes , juniper reaches in the drawer , clutching a palm of silverware to join him at the table .

the few minute head start is enough for jacie to already be covered in her blended meal . hands covered as if she had been finger painting with puree . ❝ someone seems to be a big fan , but i don’t think she’s much of a critic . she’s happily eaten dirt from the garden . ❞ still skeptical , raised brow takes her seat , generously but weirdly pulled out for her . what was this ?? their first ‘ date ‘ ?? she stalls , twirling her fork through the vegetables , examining it for any accidental human meat before spearing a slice of eggplant with her fork . the bite cautiously lifts to lips , keeping eye contact with her opposite the entire time , taking the mousiest of bites  ( even smaller than her usual ) . ❝ i mean ... ❞ shoulders shrug , tugging another small amount free from the prongs . ❝ i don’t actually have anything bad to say . ❞ a hidden compliment coming from juni . ❝ it’s edible . it might actually even be ... good ?? try it !!  you’re freaking me out . if you don’t take a bite then i’m convinced you’re doing this to poison me and i’ll retract any offer of kisses . ❞ 

beth: lol

mattie: not very well tbh, okay!! im not that bad.. i can use the mircowave, promise!!

mattie: yeah, yeah ill take that one!!

mattie: NOW that sounds like a good idea. whats on the menu??? i will eat anything!!

juni: i’ll give like, half credit for knowing how to operate a microwave

juni: but girl, that’s not much! 🫣

“ i promise i made it , i have burns and cuts all over my fingers to prove it !! those knives we have in the drawer are really sharp — i mean , i know that’s the point of knives , but they could’ve put a warning label on the things , “ the warmth of her palms at his back was a sweet reminder of what he was working towards . the male ached for juni’s touch , for her kiss , for the affections that were present when they first hooked up in a hot tub all those years ago ; if creating a home cooked meal got them any closer to that , then jaden was prepared to become his own nerdy version of gordon ramsay .

taking a step back to allow juni to admire his handiwork , he continued ; “ me and simba went to the community market a few weeks back . he taught me some of the vegetables and gave me this recipe . i knew you’d like it , what with all the veggies and the colour and everything . i haven’t tried it yet , but it looks pretty good . it’s ratatouille which , apparently , came before the movie of the same name , “ and yet there had been no little mouse beneath jaden’s chef hat to tug on his quiff and direct him . those hands may have been clumsy , now baring the evidence of hours over a hot stove , but he had done it , and the result was pretty good ( if he did say so himself ) .

and so a tiny plate of blended up veggies was rested on the highchair , and doughy hands were coaxed around a plastic spoon . she would likely bash it around like a hooligan until one of her parents succumbed and spooned the mixture into those tiny heart-shaped lips , but it was worth the optimism . “ i hope you like it , sweetie . “ he spoke to jacie , pressing a kiss atop of dark corkscrews , “ i know it’s not what you’re used to when i’m in the kitchen , but i hope it’s better than what i usually serve up . “ 

one hand at the small of his back slips downward , palm giving a playful squeeze to a little cheek before the older of the pair steps away . if they were going to get back on track , the mood needed to be lightened . physical intimacy needed to be back on the table . after all , juniper didn’t know how to navigate a relationship without it . ❝ the warning should read keep out of reach of jaden jace lapointe . how bad are your hands ?? let me see . ❞ for a moment , the dish loses it’s importance and palms are tugged up , coffee coloured eyes sizing up the damage . ❝ there’s some witch hazel and a calendula salve in the bathroom medicine cabinet . put some on before you to go sleep . ❞ although no doctor , her never ending holistic first aid kit was bound to have something to heal any ailment . a kiss seals to the middle of his palm , acting as bandaid until then .

so this was simba’s doing . this all made way more sense . the couple had far opposite the diets ; jaden’s consisting of mostly beige , while juniper nibbled her way through a vegetal rainbow . there was no way that without a hint of help , the male could pull this off . ❝ that’s actually really fucking sweet . ❞ pardon her language . ❝ based on looks , and for not burning down the house , i’m proud of you . it beats pizza toast by a mile already . ❞ hand wafts over the hot dish , waving the warming scent towards her , while jacie gets to work on mucking about her portion . he’d come a long way from the greystone apartment cupboards only housing a tin of chef boyardee and a loaf of green , fuzzy bread , that was for sure . ❝ i’m so impressed . thank you , babe . for doing this . kisses for the cook are in order if it actually tastes as good as it looks . ❞

soggy: the worst? no food at all.

soggy: i say give it a go, if you're not risking it with death at least once every few weeks, are you even living?

soggy: although now that i say that, i realize it sounds like i'm the one who sent the mysterious food. if the fbi is reading this: i did not.

soggy: holy shit, wrapping glitter bombs in a crashdown to go package would be fucking genius.

juni: it physically pains me to say this , but you’re right

juni: pretty sure the fbi is far more concerned over the bomb situation than the potential suspicious meal delivery to little old me

Malik feels his lips sag into an unimpressed frown before his brain really gives them passage. Of course Juni’s going to fuck them a little. It seems to be the foundation of their relationship: playful jabs more tickle than strike. That is when the two of them weren’t ganging up on Jaden, at least. But with the third member of the unlikely trio absent, they’re left to poke and prod at each other.

“Alright, alright, so we split it fifty-fifty, and I give you a ten. That’s as generous as I’m gettin’. Otherwise, I’m losing money.” Granted, if Juni pockets the bill, they’re definitely losing money.

as much fun as it is to see what lengths malik is willing to go for a twenty , there’s only so much teasing to be had before it swings back around on her . karma and whatnot - the reminder that they ( at some point ) shared the same embarrassing taste in men . it’s shameful enough to have her quit the game . ❝ wow , ten whole dollars . that’ll buy like , half of a starbucks drink . ❞ in this economy , maybe she couldn’t so much as blame him for chasing down the twenty . ❝ you know , you’re really lucky this ended up in my hands . ❞ the bill already extending out , the power trip severely short lived . ❝ the last thing i need is for you to be twenty short on rent and then jaden offering you to crash on our sofa , so i guess it’s all yours , braxton . ❞

winter: personally i'll try anything once, i'm adventurous like that

winter: BUT

winter: PLEASE force it on jaden and send me a vid

winter: because if it really is sus i bet it'll be hilarious to watch

juni: you will be disappointed

juni: the less vegetable-looking something is, the more willing he is to eat it

beth: idk man, it kinda seems similar to opening somebody else's post

beth: depends. u sharing?

juni: a meal addressed to no one

juni: hmmm

up until recently , jaden still needed to phone his mother to discern which drawer in the washer was for powder and which was for detergent . now he was cooking a full meal and , although there had been threats of cutting off the end of his finger when finely slicing courgette , the male hard emerged in one piece . added effort had been discussed at the crashdown — he was aware that he had been coasting , relying on the ladies in his life for support instead of making the effort to learn such things himself . now it was on his shoulders , and there was the hope that the change in him , although not perfect , would nudge the couple back in the right direction ; fixing their relationship because they wanted to , not because they felt inclined . 

fingers mimicked the little wave of his daughter’s , greeted by a spurt of bubbly drool that frothed between the gummy beginnings of two front teeth . “ hi , sweetheart !! “ the male cooed in response , although the girl quickly lost interest and smacked together michelin-man palms as buffy inquisitively sniffed around her . turning his attention to his partner ( for that was the only way he could describe their unity ) , he raised both hands in surrender . “ okay , okay , so i know it looks like a bomb’s gone off in here , but i promise i’m only trying to make dinner for us all . “ gesturing to a blender full of mushy vegetable puree , he continued ; “ jacie gets the sludgy version , “ how could their little girl miss out on her father’s first real home-cooked meal ?? 

slopping out their daughter’s portion onto a plate , he then smothered both hands in the oven gloves and clumsily retrieved their bubbling meal from the oven . the scent of seasoned vegetables hit the male’s face in a warm waft . “ it’s not poisoned — i swear it , “ 

little hands that had been focused on waving ever since being picked up from her meemaw and peepaw’s , quickly find focus on something else , something much more exciting - buffy . juniper bends at the knees , allowing a slobbery , salmon colour tongue to greet her sister’s plump cheek as a happy hello . a good way to get rid of any excess baby drool .  ❝ oh yum , jacie !!  you get some delicious mystery smoothie . ❞ teeth grit , making eye contact with the blender which looked more so like a school science project than a home cooked meal . it wasn’t leaving her too hopeful for whatever jaden thought he was creating . if this was an episode of ‘ chopped ‘ , she didn’t want to be on it .

bib’s plucked from a kitchen hook and secured around a neck , still proudly looking like a roll of pilsbury dough . their daughter is pawned off to the straps of her high chair , freeing a mother’s arms , just in case . the steps taken over to the stove are ones with weary . slow , unsure of what’s about to emerge and whether or not it’s blackened to a crisp . hand braces against jaden’s back , peering cautiously out from behind him , nervous at what he thought he could whip up . 

❝ not poison on purpose . wait — the fuck ?? ❞ she sizes up the dish . no mess of un-identifiable mush , no burnt , just a pan of attractively laid out vegetables . ❝ you’re lying to me !! you did not make that . because that actually looks kind of , like , sexy . and i know you don’t even know how to shop the vegetable aisle of a supermarket . who actually made this ?? ❞