An Introvert's guide to dealing with extroverted personalities
- Don’t let them boss you around. Whether it’s literally your boss, a spouse a family member or a friend, ExTJs naturally take control over things and more often than not….people. Especially introverts because they make less “noise” so to speak. It’s not always meant as a bad thing, in many cases they think they’re doing you a service. But let them know that you have your own ideas and thoughts, they can very responsive to that.
- Show confidence. In regards to the last point, they will especially be prone to walking over you if you look lost or doubtful. Again, not necessarily bad in their eyes, they may think they are helping you. But if you show you have quiet confidence and can stand on your own two feet, they will respect that.
- Respect their lavish lifestyles. Te-doms are often naturally successful at life, mostly in academics and business. And likewise they also LOVE to show off their success, through materialism, appearance, social status etc. (especially ENTJs) It’s not always shallow, it’s really what they like. Realize that in many cases, they actually…..did work really hard to earn that stuff. So check to see if your disdain about this isn’t actually the jealousy bug.
- Listen and appreciate their advice. Te-Doms are just really good at helping you out if you approach with any kind of problem. But yes, they do have a tendency to talk about you as if you were them. Keep that in mind.
- Understand that they have a hard time with “reserved” individuals. This is the bane of all ExFJs. They like to communicate, get you out there, and sometimes force you into uncomfortable situations. Understand that not only do they mean no harm by that, it’s actually because they have an interest in you, otherwise they wouldn’t bother. Be open minded while at the same time reminding them that you like your personal space.
- They like to talk. If you have to deal with an ExFJ and hope that the two of you will just stay quiet, tough luck. Prepare for at least minimal conversation.
- Respect everything they openly share. Pictures of kids, food and various events and messages flooding your Facebook wall. This is especially a strain for IxTx types, but understand that yes, ExFJs do indeed like attention, that stuff also means something to them. Either validate it or refrain from criticizing it.
- Be very careful with humor. The raunchy and offensive type of course, especially if it’s about something or someone that really matters to them. Fe usually hates that. I once replied with a joke on an ENFJs’ political status on Facebook. That was the last I ever heard of her. Keep it more PG and light-hearted with ExFJs. Many other types will appreciate your R-rated humor.
- They are intense! You have been warned. If you like peace, quiet and taking it slow, then by all means stay away from them as even ISxPs may find them overwhelming. If you want a good time however, they are your go-to people.
- They know what’s “in”. Look no further for fashion advice or what’s trending. Many extroverts are keen on this, but none like ExSPs
- Speak directly. Metaphors, being passive-aggressive and worst of all “you should know…” will drive them absolutely up the wall. Yet at the same time they’re really good at picking up on you so… You got something to say, say it clearly and quickly, that’s their communication style. Don’t mice words, especially with ESTPs.
- Do not lecture them about being impulsive. Chances are they already know that or they don’t care. Either appreciate that aspect of them, offer advice or stay out, but being a disciplinary parent to them will not work.
- They are mentally stimulating as well as exhausting. You INxPs may be able to keep up with them but for you other introverts, be prepared for rapid-fire questioning and topic shifting. But by all means, you can halt them when they open up a topic or debate that interests you. Just be prepared that this said topic, will also be dissected quickly on all fronts.
- Respect their flight of ideas. As an introvert, you need time to process things, they don’t. Do NOT tell an ENxP “Hey…weren’t you supposed to do what you said you would do?” Unless it was a contractual commitment or something of that nature. That irks them. Ideas are fun for them to shoot out, but follow-up can be another issue altogether. When they are serious about something, you’ll know, don’t worry. Actions will speak louder than words.
- Religion and politics are NOT off limits! This is sacred and personal to you? Though luck, ENxPs will put it on the table sooner or later. ENxPs will most likely bust you open and ask all the details of your personal life, sometimes even moreso then Fe-Doms. So either be ready, embracing of that, or let them kindly know what’s off limits.
- They have a “geek” side. Especially ENFPs. Respect and appreciate that and please don’t knock it. “You’re too old for….” will absolutely bring out their anger. Dom Si and Fi are usually good at respecting that because they know about sentimentality, but other introverts need to thread lightly.
Note that many of these points are also valid for extrovert on extrovert. But this was written for all introverts’ processing downtime and reservations vs. extroverts’ rapid assessment of their surroundings and better ease with people in mind.
If one of you extroverts want to do the opposite guide, be my guest.
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