lucki libra

I feel like I should have more be doing more but on the other hand I’m so surprised at how tall I’m still standing. I compare myself to other peoples situations and how I should be more but so much life shit has slowed me down. My brother being murdered, my dad dying of a heart attack not even a month later from the hurt and stress, being uprooted from where I’ve spent my entire life to be moved to the racist ass Northshore, the cycle of therapists, the cycles of very beautiful highs and lows that would convince me there isn’t a God. Im hard on myself but im trying to remember I dealt with a lot. A lot has happened. Depression can fuck your mind and keep you stalled in the same place. Sometimes it’s not you, just your circumstances at the moment.

Clearing out our house I found so many journal entries from 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and so forward of me just begging for death. Me begging for the religious guilt to loosen its hold on me so I could return back. I’ve always felt like God stuffed too much of me into one person and I’ve been trying to claw my way out of my shell since. I feel like I’m floating through life right now because I never say myself at this age and it’s terrifying. I spent all those years planning funerals in my journal. Planning my last words. Idk lol. Im still that girl and she’s still me. Trying to find a balance between loving and losing her.

I’d be so much happier dead, my God.

Over 5 grand to fix my car oh I’m about to start selling pussy. Wtf????

fuck a soft launch. #need #a #brat #tamer

Horny with no man is actually the worst thing to happen rn

God made me really beautiful to make up for cursing me with depression & PMDD

Suffering from a mental health condition is probably the most soul sucking shit ever because you can’t escape your mind and the only way you can is by blowing it smooth off so like? What do you do?

Shits so bad I be in my dr’s inbox begging her to up my antidepressant 😭