professional religion dissector

I hate that I have it.

Like, legitimately, I am angry that I have it.

I grew up in a very socially isolated enclave of Orthodox Judaism. I knew nothing about Christianity beyond "They kill Jews for fun so you need to behave or they'll come and take you away and kill the rest of us." I was nine when I had a Christian child run up to me and scream in my face that "You killed Jesus!" Around that same age, I was confused by a scene in Batman: The Animated Series where Batman calls a priest "Father" because I thought his father was dead.

So I grew up as isolated from Christian thought as was possible in a Christian-dominated society.

And now I can literally out-debate and out-quote born-and-raised Christians when it comes to their own holy books and their own theology.

Do you know why I can do that?

Because I had to.

Because I have literally been stalked by missionaries. I have had people try to trick me into accepting baptism. I have been libeled, threatened, and assaulted by Christians. I have been called a liar for existing as a Jew with my own Jewish perspective, by both right-wing and left-wing Christians.

So I had to learn about Christianity in self-defense, to maintain my own heritage and identity in the face of people who want to destroy it. Completely without meaning to, I have become a Jewish folk hero archetype--the learned Jew who can beat Christians in a rigged debate.

I defended myself, using the basics of the knowledge I sketched out above.

We went back and forth and back and forth, and he wouldn't leave me alone for... oh, probably the better part of an hour.

And then...

Then this part is seared into my memory. I have nightmares about it.

He smiled at me and said that, with my knowledge of the Gospels, I am sure to be one of the Elect when the time comes.

I asked what the hell that meant.

And he told me. He told me in a tone of utmost sincerity--even envy, because to his belief system, it was a good and enviable thing...

Because to be one of the "Elect" is to be one of the 144,000 Jews who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior at the Apocalypse. This will happen when all of the Children of Israel have been Gathered in the Land of Israel; war will break out, the Assembled Jews will have the Gospels preached to us, and 144,000 Thousand--Twelve Tribes times Twelve Apostles times One Thousand--Jews will spontaneously convert to Christianity.

Once that occurs, all of the Jews die in the Apocalypse, but the Elect ascend to Heaven to be Jesus Christ's personal escorts down to Earth for his Second Coming (the rest of the Jews go to hell for eternity, in case you're wondering).

In short...

He told me that I existed to be a human blood sacrifice to bring back his god. I was not a person to him. I was nothing more than a means to that end.

And he was jealous. Jealous of the fact that he viewed my knowledge of his religion, something that I had learned specifically to fend him and his kind off, as proof that his religion was right and correct and inevitable. That in learning it, I had made myself more valuable to his worldview.

Jealous that, because I was more valuable, because I existed to die for his god, I would meet that god before him.

It was terrifying, to be told that I was to die... and he thought that it was a good thing.

So you could show my original post to Evangelicals...

And it would just make them happy.

fucking horrible shit to hear. even weirder that his wife next to him just nodded her head, fully agreeing.

then he said he honored me and looked up to me for “keeping with the laws of moses” even though i apparently struggled to see that my worldview was like “swiss cheese”; incomplete, with holes in it... i just don’t understand that part. how could my efforts be honorable if they are “incomplete” and do not contain the whole message of Jesus bringing the world to redemption like he believes? i guess now i finally understand? because he thought that adhering to orthodox judaism meant i had the potential to be Jesus’ personal escort one day?? hmmm... maybe.

Passover silver Seder cups

Silversmith: Hieronymos Mittnacht (1708–1769) (?), 1761-63. Inscribed in Hebrew: “I will free you from the labours of the Egyptians” [Exod 6:6)]

New York City: A woman wears a mask made of faces at the Easter Bonnet parade outside St Patrick’s Cathedral. 2018.