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Whether it’s in fics, gcha reacts, or simply just any discussion of ivan and till’s relationship—it’s often heavily misinterpreted. I originally made this post because I saw someone make this “canon ivti meets other aus” gacha react, and they all shamed alnst!ivan for leaving till alone.
I completely see the creator’s take on this, and nevertheless, they were right in most parts—but Ivan’s death is overall a grey area that is difficult to discuss
“Ivan’s death was selfish”
While this could be seen as true from other’s perspectives, you need to understand ivantill’s arc fully. Ivan knew he could not live in a world without Till, yet left him to be the one left behind. Many people say it was cowardly of Ivan, but I have to (partly) disagree.
If you lived through canon Ivan’s life, you’d see exactly how this built up. Their relationship was deeply intertwined and heavily complicated, but there was this emotional distance. That small gap meant so much to Ivan to the point where he thought he wouldn’t leave a single mark on Till. It felt like dying for a stranger. An acquaintance. Someone you briefly met at a store.
But at the same time, it felt like everything but that.
The alien stage system had a significant role in this too. Everyone was practically stripped of their autonomy, but most importantly, everyone had a different, twisted perception of love. But, it’s still love. Especially with Ivan and Till, that was their anchor. Much like Mizi was Till’s anchor, Till is Ivan’s anchor. They may not have lived in a human dominated world, but they still carry the humanity in them.
No matter how horrible it is, love is what kept everyone alive or dead lol in the entirety of alien stage. Seeking salvation through love. Living in these environments just makes everything all the more difficult.
Ivan saw no significance in himself. He believed he was undeserving of any sort of affection. When he found out he and Till could never be like mizisua, he raised till onto a pedestal. Not out of love—more like because Ivan knew (or more so believed) he was not worthy of being able to reach him.
Till was like this angel. A raw, unfiltered, and angry angel. An untouchable source of love. Where there was roughness, there was something gentle, where there was anger, there was a calm. Ivan adored how human Till was. How unforgiving he was. That was the start of Ivan’s love for him.
It just felt so unreciprocated.
Again, that tiny emotional gap means everything. In fact, it was probably the source of Ivan’s actions.
Ivan’s feelings were anything but shallow.
Ummm I’m too lazy to finish this :( it’s been rotting in my drafts but here u go!!! Ignore my horrible writing gahdamn
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