Jules

@mythosvideo @jordanhpost @coreymillikin @blakecnoble on set again and it feels so good #atomosshogun #filmmaking (at Waisman Center at University of Wisconsin-Madison)

He's so sleepy!! #pitties #pitties #pittiemom #pitbullsofinstagram #greyhair #pitbull #love (at Smith Residence)

If you love bacon, then go to Brew City for the 3 Little Pig Raviolis @wistatefair @travelwisconsin #foodie #bacon #delicious (at Wisconsin State Fair)

Lemon Ginger Tea Jelly #wisconsinstatefair #stashtea #canning #firstplace (at Wisconsin State Fair)

There she is, my Strawberry Lemon Marmalade with her big ribbon #tearsofjoy #wistatefair #jam #judgesfavorite #wisconsin #farmgirl (at Wisconsin State Fair)

Birthday dinner @merchantmadison #theregret #restaurant week (at Merchant)

@cityofmadison Morning shot of capitol building #madisonfarmersmarket #birthdaygirl #nofilter (at Wisconsin State Capitol)

Feels great to be back on set so I can boss these beautiful people around:) @mythosvideo @jordanhpost @klutzy_lou @nate_stevens_films @blakecnoble #producer #filmmaking (at Banzo Shük)

Blackberry Reconnaisance for @wistatefair competition. Worth the scratches. #jam #wisconsin #thorns (at Brooklyn Wildlife Area)

This is my first post.  I have had anxiety for years. The world scares me. Straight up, unpredictable environmental changes scare me. Recently diagnosed with adrenal fatigue, I have spent the better part of my life in fight or flight. I was a shy kid and I got bullied. Learning to make jokes at my expense helped me somewhat survive my childhood. Couple that with an emotionally unpredictable mother, financial stress in my family and being highly sensitive, boom, anxiety disorder. Let’s add genetics too. My great grandmother dropped over dead when she found out that her son had been killed in a car accident. Add in a generational line of worry and depression on one side and then good old “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality on the other side and boom, there is little space to be allowed to have feelings of sadness. Have you taken the enneagram test? It’s great! I am a 7 on this test, which puts me on the thinking wing and a tendency towards anxiety. The coping mechanism of a 7? What is the next thing that I can focus on? What are experiences that I haven’t tried yet?  So I can distract myself by doing something new and exciting. Anxiety, drive me forward please!! But it doesn’t really work, because the more I did, the more anxious I became. I take care of myself, yoga, meditation, working on quitting my love affair with caffeine. And I have gotten slightly better. But not completely. I marvel at people who do not feel anxiety. It blows my mind. How does a state of non-anxiety exist?  So I am going to write. As much as I can, to get out my story, and maybe I will start feeling better. Lastly, I’ve had a pretty good life, so I invalidate my own feelings. I shouldn’t feel this way; other people have real reasons to have anxiety. Hence, not writing about this sooner. Because I feel like I don’t deserve to have these feelings. I love my comfort zone, why would anyone push themselves out of it? So I am going to do something scary, and blog about it. Next blog post will be dedicated to FATIGUE.