Waddup

I remember in 4th grade the Principal called me in to her office and was like, “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even call you in here, but their parents are upset. Zach, you can’t go around calling everyone a loser.”

*covers my webcam with my finger so the government doesn't see me do embarrassing stuff*

my kink is bein friendly and havin a good time

Anxiety: look out me: for what Anxiety: look out

Uptown funk would’ve made it onto the shrek soundtrack

that’s the truest statement i’ve ever read

“my mother and my parents”

you want to make fun of my tragedy? huh? hm? my mother and parents are dead shitface

Oh… no no no

If it moves you, if it inspires you, if it makes you happy, let it.

eat spicy food while pregnant. your baby will become a fire mage. yes i am a doctor

imagine youre sitting next to your dog watching TV and he says exactly one clearly pronounced word in English and you freak the fuck out and he literally never does it again