The Bear's Den

Joshua’s offer was generous and she appreciated the fact that he was opening his home up to her completely but she shook her head. She could never take him up on it. “I might take over a corner in the living room so her room’s not inundated with all of my things but that’s all I need.” She was well aware that the living situation wasn’t permanent and she had no right to take over his home with her things. It would mostly be left in storage until she found a place of her own and only then would she think about retrieving it. She was grateful, but there were boundaries and making his home feel like their home most definitely crossed that line.

Kate felt as if she was staring at Peyton, but she couldn’t get enough of the girl. She wanted to drink in all of her features, all of her mannerisms. She wanted to be able to read her daughter like most other mothers could. A soft smile tugged at her lips as Peyton spoke more, leaving Kate to notice the small accent that tinged certain words. She wanted to comment on it, but tucked it into the back of her brain for another time. There was a more important matter at hand. “Well I don’t see why not, unless Daddy has something he’s got to do,” she told the tiny blonde before looking down at Josh for an answer. 

He knew what she was doing. He knew it was the right thing for her to do; but it’d take him some time to acknowledge that there was some boundaries between them. As much as he resented her for how she was and how she fell victim to her addiction, it had still been three-hundred and seventy two days since he last saw her. A year and a handful of days since he left the woman he’d committed himself to and had a daughter with. There were feelings of guilt and bitterness; feelings of joy and happiness, but most prominently there was confusion. Josh needed time to figure that out. “You’ve got four whole corners to choose from, you can have the pick of the lot,” The Irishman uttered with a hint of playfulness, his attention faltering from the German Shepherd and instead once more to the pair opposite.

Hearing about the little quirks of their daughter caused Kate’s smile to absentmindedly play on her perfectly pink lips. It was a bittersweet smile - one saddened by all she had missed yet excited to be part of the little girl’s future. While she was in rehab all Kate thought about were the quintessential mother-daughter moments she had missed, which was enough for her to just say fuck it and continue living life out of control, but she didn’t. It only made her long for the moments Peyton had yet to live and that thought alone was what helped push her through the hardest parts of getting clean.

And it was moments like this, with her baby in her arms, that made the year away worth it. The moment where she and Josh seemingly fell back to their old selves, even if for a brief moment. “He was. As lousy as they come,” she teased right back. He makes cute babies too, she was about to say but opted to keep her mouth shut instead. His next comment made her thankful that she had held back, the smile that once graced her features slowly disappearing. “It’s not the most glamorous abode but I had no choice,” she reminded him. There was a slight sadness to her voice. Part of it was because of the lavish lifestyle she once lived but it was mostly due to the reminder of the fact that she was all alone. When she was allowed to leave the rehabilitation center there had been no one to pick her up, no one to congratulate her or celebrate with her. She had gathered her few belongings, piled them into the car they so kindly housed for her while she was an inpatient and drove straight for home - well, what was home - before coming for her baby. The silver lining to it all was his offer to house her while she got back on her feet and while the generosity wasn’t expected from him, she truly appreciated it.

“Yeah, it’s no trouble at all. I have a year of snuggles I need to get in.” Her eyes looked from Peyton to Josh as a soft smile returned to her lips. “Thank you.” Kate wasn’t sure she was ready for the moment to turn heavy again so she was thankful when Holly’s barks interrupted him. “Hi, my love,” she cooed down to the little blonde who was now awake, but just barely. “I think it’s time for someone to go to bed. Let’s go up and get ready, shall we P? You can show me your room and all of your toys, and Mama’s going to stay in your room tonight. How does that sound?”

There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he needed to say, so many things he couldn’t say. Apologies and hushed words that should’ve been uttered in person long ago, truths and explanations he owed, but none of that really mattered anymore, not when Peyton first saw her mother and lit up brighter than the sun. To bring up their wounds weren’t going to do them any good, of that Josh was certain. His blue hues watched the two women in his life with an overwhelming joy which muted out his words, to see them reunited and getting along so well washed away any doubt he ever had about Kate’s return. Was she really clean? Would Peyton recognise her own mother?

He felt that sadness that she uttered, but there was precious little he could do beyond share in it. Josh could never have afforded to keep Kate’s home while she was gone, not on his salary. He never could’ve asked his parents for help, they had been absent since long before Katherine came into the picture. Josh supposed she was lucky in that sense; she never had the displeasure of dealing with his family. “We’ll make do,” The Irishman offered just like old times; they were always a team. This was no different, except in the many ways it was. “I’ve no quarrels with you adding your own personal touches to the place, either. It should feel like home.” Josh was affirmative with his tone, knowing that if he were in her shoes he’d deny it til’ kingdom come. It wasn’t her home, after all. She had no choice in the decor to start with, no choice in the neighbourhood, no choice in any of it. Not until now, anyway.

Kate’s blue hues looked down to their sleeping angel as Josh went on about her. It was hard to believe that the sweet girl nuzzled in her arms could be a handful but perhaps she was more like her mother than Kate realized. “What else does she do? What does she like? Food, color, activity. I want to know it all.” Being away from Peyton for so long had Kate questioning everything until the moment they were reunited. The fear that she held inside was now gone and though things were still new and vastly different, the ease at which Peyton went to her made Kate that much more sure she had done the right thing even though it had meant missing a year of her daughter’s life. It was a year she hoped Peyton would never remember clearly but it was necessary if she wanted to see the rest of Peyton’s life.

“What? You don’t think I can do it?” Kate challenged, raising a neatly manicured brow in his direction. Her words were pure jest but she found the ‘old Kate’ coming through in the sense that she never liked being told what to do nor did she back down from a challenge. if any piece of her old self were to stay, she wanted this to be it. “I did have a terrible teacher. Couldn’t understand him - his accent was too thick and he kept using funny words.” If her joking manner hadn’t been apparent before, it was now and it was accompanied by one of her signature smiles. “No, really. Let me see the books to decipher how much shit you’re in and we’ll go from there. I might have a few favors left to call in if you really need them.” She still had connections in Manhattan and while some of them were of those better left in her past, she was willing to take the risk if it meant digging them out of a massive hole.

Kate’s teeth tugged at her lower lip as she watched him pause, feeling slightly bad for coming off so stern. Their situation wasn’t easy and Kate didn’t know where they stood. Their visit had been amicable so far but they had barely grazed the surface of anything. There had been a lot left unsaid when they parted ways and a lot to talk about now but Kate wouldn’t be the one to delve into it. While she was locked up in a glorified prison cell for the last year, Joshua was out living his life. Was she bitter? Maybe a little bit at first but not anymore. He had cleaned himself up, done what she wasn’t able to do on her own. How could she be angry at him for that? However that was just it - he had been living his life. Without her. His infrequent chats never led to anything beyond talks about Peyton so she had no idea what his life was like. Had it been hard for him too or did he move on just fine without her? They were all questions she was curious about but would never raise for the sake of ruining their cordial reunion.

It could’ve been easy for her to ignore the small bump but she chose not to. “Sorry. I just - not right now. Please?” she offered in nearly a whisper as if her volume would wake Peyton. Before he could offer anything more, Kate shook her head and sat up a little in her seat just enough to cause Peyton to stir in her sleep. A gentle smile took over her features as she looked down at the girl who did nothing more that shift positions and Kate settled back into the seat. “You don’t have to do that. It’s not much and I’ve sort of been living in there for the last two days so it’s a mess. I’ll grab everything I need later.”

Prim and proper, the Manhattan elite. But most importantly; mother. It suited her and that was the simple truth of it. It was all Joshua saw when he caught himself staring at Katherine and their daughter across the kitchen island. Two sets of blonde tresses, one whose braids could without a doubt be done better, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Two sets of striking blue eyes, one whose were just drifting to and through between her slumber. There was no shadow of a doubt that Peyton was the spitting image of her mother, and to see them reunited only stirred feelings of the past. Conflicted or otherwise. “Some days it’s blue, others it’s pink, or purple,” Josh said with a grin. It was hard to keep a three year old’s mind settled on anything. “No doubt she’ll tell you all about it when she wakes up. She could talk your ears off.” Joshua let out faint laughter and shook his head as she’d challenged him, true to his memories of a fiery woman who’d teased and played, but was unbending and stubborn. To say no to Kate had always only spurred her on more, dared her to do the denied. “Sounds like a lousy teacher if you ask me. I bet he was as handsome as they come though.” Josh uttered playfully, nodding along. “I’d love for you to clean up after my terrible book work.”

The sting of that don’t still lingered, yet his eyes remained a contender for hers as he slipped around the island, closing closer to the woman all too familiar and yet - so different. A thousand times he ran this scenario over in his mind, and a thousand times it was different, but it was never this. It was rarely calm, and never was it this peaceful. There was fire in some, passion in others. Anger was in most, but this—this was unexpected. There was no ferocity over the bar, nor the neighborhood. She barely had a chance to see either, but that was another matter entirely. No toxicity, no cruel words and no spite. Just Katherine and her daughter. Maybe it’d come later, Josh thought as his attention drifted finally from the pair of blondes and instead to the hallway of what was their home. Not his anymore. Theirs. There was so much to consider, so much to talk about, but for now, he was happy to accept the peace.

“I have a hard time picturing you living out of your car.” The Irishman mused, half a smile cocked to his lips. There was no intentional hostility in his voice, but he knew it was going to be a touchy subject. Her family wasn’t exactly receptive of either of them. “There’s no walk in closets, and no pretty views of the Manhattan skyline. The hot water is temperamental at the best of times, but it’s home.” Josh sighed, a shallow breath parted from his lips and a calloused hand pulled through the mess of light brown atop his scalp as he looked once more back to Kate. “You don’t mind doubling up with her, do you? She’s no trouble when she sleeps, she’s just an early riser.” His words served as a caution more so than a question; given that many a early morning after a late night at work was ruined by an eager blonde bouncing on the bottom of his bed.

“I don’t want to be here, Josh, I want to be anywhere but here.” Indi fought back, she wasn’t going to lie, though she still half-lied. She didn’t want to be there but she also didn’t not want to be there. She sighed, her frustration growing more and more. “I told you, Libby wanted me here so here I am.”

“That’s a facade, it’s going to get ruined eventually, and then we’re right back where we started.” She stated, avoiding looking up at him, he was all too distracting and she knew she’d give up her pride. “What is normal, anyway? What even are we? Because this is too much hassle for a fuck buddy.” Indi muttered, needing some clarification on their relationship, even though was certain it was done for regardless. 

“And yet, here you are.” Joshua was having none of it. He shook his head and watched the woman opposite with disbelief. Her proclamations that it was all for Libby didn’t help, and the Irishman settled a frown to his lips. They were in public, it wasn’t the place for a heated argument. It wasn’t the place to get riled up. “If Libby is  the only reason you’re here, then I have to wonder if it was even worth turning up at all.”

Her constant rebuttal and questions left Joshua just as stumped as her. He didn’t have the answers, and he certainly didn’t know how to make it all better. “You’re so certain we’re set up for doom. It’s like you just want it to happen.” He exhausted a sigh and lifted both hands to brush through his hair. “I don’t know what we are, Indi. I thought we were exclusive, and then you tell Libby it’s alright to date two guys. I thought it was something meaningful, but I’m not sure you and I are on the same wavelength.”