jorrrrr

yesterday i met a drunk man in the streets of my favorite city in the world. he runs up to me. clutches me by the arm. looks me in the face. and tells me “i hope you marry the love of your life.” i laugh kindly, dismissing his words, dripping with hennessy, for drunken ramblings. i continue to roll down the concrete street that smells like coffee breath and dreams far too large to entertain and wonder where you are. is california being kind to you? do you ever think about me when you’re alone, when you are lonely, when the smoke and the sunlight and the strobe lights fail to chase away your thoughts like you’d always hope they would? do you remember when we found each other in being lost? when we were far too young to recognize the line between love and the idea of it? do you still want me? would you ever admit it? because the truth is we found each other trying to lose ourselves, and when i lost you, every day was a battle against your absence. i collapsed over you. i shed so much ink out of my pen it started to look like blood spilling out of my veins and as the months went on, i began not to care about the difference. i saw your eyes in hennessy bottles and rain that flung itself onto concrete and in every person in who saw my beauty and treated it with apathy. i mistook the end of our love for the end of love itself. i told myself i’d never find someone who cared like you, spoke like you, penetrated my mind like you. i told myself you were the last person to ever mean more than a night, a month, a kiss, or a regret to me. but you were never the ending of anything. i never should’ve been angry at you, because you were the beginning of all the love in my life. you were the first to show me i had the capability to cut myself open and spill open without a weapon. you were the first to show me i could fall in love without effort and my mind had room to fit the reality of someone else inside of its own drunken ramblings. thank you. thank you for showing me it is possible. thank you for finding me everywhere as a constant reminder. thank you for making me admire brown eyes again. thank you for allowing my limbs to grow in the absence of your skin. thank you for leading me to the person who will become the love of my life. i hope california is being kind to you. i hope i was kind to you. i hope you marry the love of your life.

And so it took some time to understand what the hell happened to us. We once were inseparable, two souls made out of the same stardust. Our atoms destined to connect. I don’t know when I stopped making you happy. When the parts of me that made you fall in love were no longer reasons to stay. But finally I know this was never what you wanted to happen. I don’t blame you anymore and most importantly I no longer blame myself.

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

She ain’t no games in real life so I take her serious all the time

idk who she is but i have an exam today so i’ll reblog her

if you’re reading this

it happened today, damn that was like 3 days maybe?

““No feelings.” He says. “No feelings,” I agree. “Just the here and now.“ He takes my hand. I dismiss the infinitesimal flutter in my stomach that seems to last an eternity. No feelings. He kisses me with the force of his entire being - until it leaves me shaking. No feelings. He takes my laughter and condenses it into a glass jar for rainy days. For when he’s gone. No feelings. He tells me his secrets and I tell him why I have trust issues and he lets me rest my head on his chest. "No feelings,” he says. “No feelings.” I echo. I hope he doesn’t mean it. I know that I don’t.”

“How long they choose to love you will never be your decision.”

“Sometimes, those who appear to be heartless, just left their heart in another person’s chest.”

she was my first love..