—hope

When Jean was in the Nest, Riko and the Moriyamas made sure his hair was short. Like, buzz cut short. Jean didn’t really mind all that much, because it meant that Riko couldn’t grab him by the hair.

After he gets out of the Nest, he stops cutting it

It’s not really intentional, he just keeps forgetting to make an appointment

His hair is really fluffy when it’s growing out, which he kind of likes.

Jeremy definitely likes it. He teases Jean about it sometimes

It sparks a lot of controversy – which Jean didn’t realize was a thing. It’s just hair for Christ’s sake.

But it turns out a lot of people have opinions about it

When they start dating, Jeremy tells Jean how much he likes his hair

He likes running his hands through it, likes that Jean trusts him with that simple act of intimacy

One day Jeremy comes home to find that Laila had managed to convince Jean to let her braid his hair. She snuck little flowers in here and there, and Jeremy loves it

Even though it’s been years since Jean has had short hair, people keep trying to convince him to cut it again

i’ve seen/read a lot of headcanons and stuff about how he has an aversion to intimacy after the abuse he suffered in the nest but like, what if he’s the opposite?

he hooks up with guys he knows are bad for him, guys that he knows aren’t going to treat him nicely

he wants one thing, to forget

and there’s a part of him that thinks that if he does it willingly, he’ll eventually forget about the times he didn’t

like maybe it won’t mean as much if he hooks up with a lot of people

maybe the pain and the hurt and the emptiness will go away

there’s nothing romantic or intimate about it - it’s just sex (he says the same thing about the times in the nest, too, as if that will make it something other than what it was

he finds guys online, in bars, guys who want to sleep with him because he’s Jean Moreau

it’s risky, and he knows it. but he can’t stop. it’s like some kind of mission to have as many partners as he can, to put those guys as far away as he can

he’s not afraid of sex, but he is afraid of intimacy

the thought of someone knowing him, actually knowing him, terrifies him

which is why he pushes Jeremy away

his relationship with Jeremy is purely platonic, but he slowly starts letting his guard down

Jean pushes him away when he thinks they’re getting too close, but Jeremy is kind and patient and part of Jean hates it

he also finds it endearing - it’s part of the reason he actually feels like he can trust Jeremy

it takes a while for Jean to actually go to therapy and when he does it takes him even longer to trust his therapist

it’s slow-going, but eventually he does open up

and he realizes that his hookups were all self-destructive behaviour and not as helpful as he thought

and when he finally manages to stop hooking up with random guys, he starts to reflect on the other relationships in his life

that mostly means Jeremy

that’s when he realizes that his feelings for Jeremy are not as platonic as he thought they were

but he’s still terrified of those romantic feelings

he knows that Riko is dead and gone, but he doesn’t want a repeat of what happened with Kevin

it’s not the same at all, but it feels like it is. the main difference this time is that neither Jean nor Jeremy belong to anyone.

they’re roommates and teammates and admitting his feelings could ruin everything

jean is just starting to fit in with the trojans, but this is jeremy’s last year

it feels like it’s now or never

the truth just kind of slips out one day

they’re both exhausted. it’s late, they just finished a movie, and they’d trained hard that morning

jean says it quietly, mumbling, part of him hoping Jeremy doesn’t hear “I think I’m in love with you”

Jeremy heard him say something, but he didn’t catch all of it

when he asks Jean to repeat it, Jean repeats it in French

(sorry this took so long, but I finally got around to it!)

title: still herefandom: all for the gamepairing/characters: Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreauwarnings: graphic depiction of suicide attempta/n: as you can probably guess, Jean’s suicide attempt in this fic is graphic, so please be careful! written (obvs) for the suicide attempt square on my @badthingshappenbingo​ card! (you can send me more prompts if you want)AO3

Memories stained the inside of Jean’seyelids – darkness swam inside his mind as he flickered in and out ofconsciousness. He woke long enough to feel the weight of his body pulling himinto the unfamiliar bed and a blood pressure cuff squeezing his arm. He musthave been at a hospital, but he couldn’t remember how he got there. People werespeaking around him, but they sounded like they were under water and he couldn’tunderstand what they were saying, or even make out whose voice it was. Before hecould even begin trying to figure out who else was in his room, he was draggedback to the darkness in his mind.

ENDLESS LIST OF FAVOURITE CHARACTERS || Aaron Minyard, All for the Game

Aaron was only conscious for a few moments here and there – he wasn’t sure how long he was actually out or how much time had passed and he felt lost, unable to figure out which parts were real and which were figments of his frenzied imagination. He remembered the darkness, remembered all of the terrible images he’d seen in his head as part of the side effects of one of the worst overdoses he’d ever endured. He’d seen flashes of his mother; her vicious words and brutal blows flitting in and out of his memories. There was a part of him that knew she was dead, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore, but he still felt the ghost of her abuse on his skin.

Worse than his mother were the memories of Drake. Aaron’s drugged mind had somehow twisted him into an even more gruesome monster than he had been in real life – he looked like a zombie out of a movie, with pale gray skin dripping off of his bones and half of his skull caved in from where Aaron had crushed it with the racquet. If Aaron was given the chance to go back to that moment, he would do it again in a heartbeat, but that didn’t mean guilt didn’t creep into the back of his mind sometimes, consuming him like this monstrous version of Drake was attempting to do.

In the midst of the darkness, Aaron heard Katelyn’s voice calling out to him. She was the angel that drew him back to consciousness, at least for a little while. He could make out her worried expression, her eyes lined with tears she didn’t want him to see. Her touch made him feel alive, made him feel safe. Whether she was pressing a cold washcloth to his forehead or holding his hand, he wanted to stay awake for her. He wanted to wipe the tears from her face and pull her close, despite the fact that he was the reason for her pain. He never wanted to make her feel this way again. The guilt was almost too much for Aaron to stomach, but he felt her soft whisper against his skin as his grasp on consciousness began to weaken. “Come back to me, Aaron.”