wanna bewitch you in the moonlight

As someone who’s had unsupervised internet access since I was 11-ish (for the record, I turn 21 this year) it’s definitely had its negative impacts on my psyche and I shouldn’t have been reading some of the shit I did back in the day. (The Well-Known Horrific shit, milk fic, hat fic, A Bunch of ABO, kidnapping etc etc).

( I was also in the BNHA fandom in 2021-2022 and I went through the whole “If you like Shigaraki, you’re a bad person.” shit.)

However, through this process, I learned what content I like to read, and what I wouldn’t touch in a HAZMAT suit.

What I don’t do, and what’s deplorable behavior is harassing grown ass individuals online for the fictional stories that they decided to write in their own free-time. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat exists for a reason. Of course there’s fics that I see and I’m like “Oh! Ok, I don’t want to read that at all, it makes me feel bad.” And most, if not all of those fics commonly include things like rape, incest, or underaged characters.

But I just scroll and keep it pushing because it’s not that deep and it never has been. I don’t like to read the fic, but I absolutely support someone else’s right to post what they want and be freaky. I’m not yucking someone’s yum if no real life harm is occurring.

Merriam Webster defines fantasy as “the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need”.

Just because someone writes about V as a wolf chasing them through a forest and getting knotted doesn’t mean they would actively seek out a wolf in a forest in real life. (Happy CreaturePerpetuaMonth btw) That would be heavily immoral and nonsensical.

For context: I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I’ve thought the worst things of the worst imaginable about myself, pictured it, cried about it, ruminated for DAYS over it, etc. A fic a serial killer sent me into one of the worst episodes I’ve ever had. (Fun Fact: OCD’s main trick is that it tells you that your thoughts are real, and convince you that you are a bad person, you will commit these atrocities, etc.) To this day I still can’t comfortably read fics where someone is a depicted in the story as a serial killer or murderer because of how badly it could trigger me.

So I Don’t Read It.

Want to know something funny though? Sometimes I do read some of the fic that make me uncomfortable, just for the sake of reading them to appreciate the story telling and how characters interact with each other. Or out of curiosity. (Obviously I still have hard no’s, no matter the character work and yes I’m extremely squeamish, but hey there’s smut at the end of the chapter, I can trudge through some guts to get to the porn.)

I’ll give another example for added nuance: I enjoy medical malpractice and dubious consent with a doctor and patient. The thrill of the forbidden is extremely common in this sense and many others. And that’s what draws me in.

But my worst nightmare as a black AFAB person in America is to be mistreated or hurt in a medical setting. (Worse than I’ve already been, mind you.)

The same thing applies to every other topic of dark fanfiction. There’s a pedophile and a rapist running the country I live in who is actively threatening the rights of everyone and everything I associate myself with. Queer and Trans people, disabled folks, women, children, poor people, every single person of color. I despise the things he’s done.

And yet, I’ll hit Kudos on something I know for a fact I won’t like.