who would prepare for peace take up the sword

what are 3 things you'd say shaped you into who you are?

12. what's some good advice you want to share?

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

Oh beloved. Thanks for asking. <3

what are 3 things you'd say shaped you into who you are?

Well, that's as good an opportunity to hail back to the post that is also gonna be the answer to the next question. So--yeah. Numero uno is obviously a kinda weird and difficult upbringing. Super conservative family, only kid, single mom, and the parents who messed her up also helped to raise me. And those were basically the only three people I was around for pretty much my first fourteen years, so I got like I guess 75% of her trauma from having bad parents?

That said, within that time in my life I also picked up stuff that has been a positive influence! I've been playing some kind of instrument since I was around ten years old, even if not extensively or well or consistently. But Ghost was one of the things that brought me back to actively playing and learning again, and working on improving intentionally for the first time since I was in marching band. And that is something that I literally cannot imagine my life without. I can judge my mental health by how much music I'm listening to, I've realized. If I'm not putting my headphones on for a few hours a week at least, I'm in a funk.

And the third thing is fandom. Without fandom I wouldn't have found the people that truly have felt more my people than anyone I've met before. Ghost really did bring an entire new sense of found family to my life. And long before that, fandom is what got me online. Any and every baby hyperfixation, some more long-lived than others, and an education in what the world was like outside of the tiny one I knew. It has entirely reshaped my worldview for the better in every single way.

12. what's some good advice you want to share?

Gonna send you over to the other post where I rambled about it!

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

I want to. But I think it's also almost such an abstract concept to my brain that I can't make a decision either way, which is to say that I feel like I tend toward skepticism of its existence, if pressed?

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Fuck yes.

Sometime in my 30s I finally stopped having the 'showing up at school and it's the final but you never went to class and you don't know where they meet' stress dream. It was replaced by the following scenario: I'm somewhere that I'm trying to pack up a lot of stuff--I'm on vacation and now it's time to go home and somehow I brought completely ridiculous things from home that you would never need on a vacation (like bookends and other objects too large or weirdly shaped to pack), or maybe I'm responsible for cleaning up a dead person's estate and everything needs to be dealt with and cataloged and stored or sold or whatever.

Make of that what you will.

Also when I get into a certain groove with a project at work or planning a big trip for myself, anything that's very meticulous and organized and detailed but structured--I'll find myself dreaming about traveling, for myself or for work, but it's usually just an endless stream of transitions between different modes of transit.

I fucking love how weird brains are. Thanks for asking that one. :)

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

Well, I'm just this moment listening to my favorite mountain goats song, and just as I started answering the question, he sang my favorite lyric--

Grow fat and grow old and go blind and be content.

Which I think is a worthy aspiration.

Beyond that, I think the only way to make a big change is to make a lot of tiny sustainable ones. Do a little thing until it's easy. That takes however long it takes. Add more micro-steps if you need to. Once it's easy, then try to stack another one.

But for the love of anything, be careful that you're not pushing yourself past your capacity for the sake of seeing number go up (or whatever), either. It's hard to judge and sometimes you only see it on the other side of it.

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

Okay. This is horrendously personal and revealing probably but what the hell this is tumblr. Outrageous oversharing is our brand.

Ollie beloved! 🫶 Thank youuuu~

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

Notes from when I was arranging parts for one of the mountain goats songs I covered. 🤓

20. favourite things about the night?

This time of year, it's the way that I can see the fireflies flashing on the leaves of the trees in my backyard even when I have my glasses off (and I'm super nearsighted!).

It's funny, living alone and being unemployed for six months and idk I guess just getting older, I've been becoming more of a night owl. Ten years ago I'd have sworn up and down that I'm a morning person (and don't get me wrong I love a quiet early morning when it's just a little cold and damp and then the birds start chirping), but I think a lot of that was really kind of tied into where my mental health was at the time. And circumstances--when I was married/cohabitating with other people, going to bed was the way I transitioned from being-around-people time to alone time. And same for getting up early; if you wake up before everyone else then you get some private time to start your day.

Now I'm just alone most of the time so I don't need to build my whole schedule around it.

26. fave colour and why?

Before I got laid off last fall, I hadn't had to set an alarm to wake up in the morning for years. The sun came up, I was awake. And I liked it!

(Now, I cringe deeply on behalf of a nervous system that apparently wasn't really taking a break even when I slept, to some degree)

Now? My alarm is set for 15 minutes before I want to be in my seat and logging onto work. 😅 Even on a Sunday, for example, where I have a standing agreement with a friend to throw some weights around once a week at 11am, I usually set an alarm for 9:45 or so just in case because it's entirely likely I'll still be asleep having stayed up until 1am reading smut.

Night is dark and quiet.

Augh. If you were were holding me at swordpoint I suppose I would say purple. Probably more on the violet side if we're getting more specific.

Why? I dunno. I like that it's not a primary color and I tend to prefer cool tones to warm ones. 💁 Why do some people tend to attract the smoke when they sit by the fire?