livin' easy, livin' free

Jesse didn’t work well with others at the best of times - he preferred to be the lead, with everyone else simply existing as ensemble. At Carmel, nobody even knew each other’s last names, and the more talented members refused to even make eye contact with the preppy unpolished freshmen. But Mr Schue was insistent on making everyone join hands, and be best friends, and that meant that Jesse was lumped with the only person in the club that’s more type A than Raphael Berry. 

Jesse waited in the auditorium for Myron to arrive, a stack of sheet music in his possession, ready to spitball ideas. Though he really didn’t know how he was going to pick a song that encapsulated Myron - he didn’t know any songs with the word annoying or intolerable in the title. He was checking his designer watch when he heard the auditorium doors open.

“When I said meet at 3pm, I expected you to arrive at least 10 minutes early. I didn’t expect you to waltz in at 2:57. I don’t work with sloppy people with poor time management skills.”

JESSE: I saw your Glee Club audition, and I just wanted to say that you're really talented.

Math’s confusing especially when it includes numbers. I’m dyslexic so it makes it even harder to try to do it. Anywho, why can’t you do both? Like look up songs and then do your homework? Cause if you flunk outta high school, then how are you gonna be able to pursue a career? 

I’m sorry about the dyslexia - I imagine it can’t be easy. Do you at least get help with it at school? You know, school isn’t everything. Plenty of successful people flunked out of high school - even Richard Branson, and that guy is major rich now. I’m not saying I’m going to flunk out, because I’d like to have options, but it just seems stupid that I’m expected to prioritise math over glee club, when I obviously have no intentions of becoming a mathematician.

Yeah, and I get to date that guy from You before he started working at that bookstore. Totally, if you were uggo I’d say no, but you’re kinda hot so you can have a candy cane. Yup, he was just called Tubbington at first but then he spent a week in Cabo and came back as a Lord. And with a weed dependency. 

Only kinda hot? I ought to be offended by that. I know my worth, and I am ridiculously hot. He went to Cabo on his own? And gained a Lordship and a drug problem? That’s like some TLC level of drama.

I guess someone has to be pretty selfless to have a kid, since you’re right, they are a pretty big time commitment. Maybe I haven’t been thanking my parents enough… Anyway! Probably better for people to not have kids they don’t want to invest in than for them to have them just for the sake of passing on their genes, good for you. Good judgment like that deserves good karma, like for you to have a Michael Caine caliber career. 

It’s just not in my nature, and I’m okay with that. I couldn’t agree more. I firmly believe that my parents should have stopped procreating once they had me. Everyone knows I’m the favourite, so it beats me why they had two more kids. Michael Caine? I’m not sure I can do his cockney accent, but I’ll take his fame and fortune.

Oh. Cool. That sounds enviable. Good luck going viral! Social media is a fun and weird world, isn’t it? I know I’ve been having fun with Tiktok. How’s YouTube going? What are your videos about?

I’ve dabbled with TikTok, but if I have to see one more person doing a half-assed attempt at the renegade, or the savage dance, I may have to delete the app altogether. There’s definitely some talent on that app, but there’s also a lot of embarrassing content. Most of my YouTube videos are covers. Classic rock and musical theatre primarily, but I make an effort to show off my vocals across all genres.

I’m pretty sure it’s a public school. But it could be a fancy prep school because your hair is shiny and nice to look at like Blair Waldorf’s and I’m cool and sexy and blonde like Serena, so who’s to say. I like to dress up for holidays and candy necklaces don’t go with everything, like I’m not going to wear a pink and yellow necklace for Christmas, I’d string up candy canes on some floss instead. I hadn’t thought about that, huh. I spend a lot of time in class making slime videos with the stuff from the science lab and I don’t want to give that up, and even though Lord Tubbington runs all the business stuff for me, I’m not allowed to bring him to school because his morbid cat obesity draws him to the cafeteria like a magnet and then the lunch ladies get mad at me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been compared to Blair Waldorf, but I’m not mad about it. Does this also mean we both get to get it on with Chace Crawford, because I could be interested. Seems like you’ve thought of everything else, though. I have another question though. If I was to donate to your candy necklace fund, would I then be able to nibble on your candy canes at Christmas? Also, is your cat really called Lord Tubbington?

As a hot identifying person I also agree I shouldn’t be forced to take classes I don’t care about. Why do I need to learn about literature when I’m going to be so rich I can just hire someone to read for me? Plus, I’m probably going to get an athletic scholarship anyways if I do go to college and everyone knows athletes get a free pass when it comes to test. I just have to have a note saying I was somersaulting across Ohio and I’ll automatically get an A. I can’t say I feel the same pressure about Glee club, though. I already know I’ll get in. 

Hot identifying? I respect that. And I couldn’t agree more. I’m a shoo-in for a Juilliard scholarship, regardless of what I get on my SATs. Any time spent doing homework is time not spent practicing the talents that are actually going to get me our of this joke of a town.

Oh, I already know I’m going to get in. But it’s still important to make an impression.

Well, you need algebra to finish high school but in this day and age, if you want to devote your life to the arts, you don’t even need to graduate; you just need to be discovered online. Would your parents be supportive of you if you did that? Because I feel like mine would kill me if I ever said I didn’t need algebra – not that that’s a good example, since I took that in seventh grade, but you know.

I don’t think my parents would really care what I did, as long as I did it well. They’re those kind of parents. This is why I’m working on my social media presence - I try to update my YouTube every week with new content, in the hope that just one will go viral and I’ll be talent spotted. It’s really only a matter of time.

I’m not even sure people who don’t have careers in the arts ahead of them really keep using algebra, unless you’re in very specific fields. Uh… I guess you could use it to help make sure your kids pass school someday, in case they aren’t triple threads? But other than that I’m coming up blank.

I‘m not even sure I want kids. They’re loud, and selfish, and take up too much of your attention, and that clashes with my own vibe. Besides, I’m sure my future career will keep me far too busy for children. It’ll take someone pretty special to change my mind.