Messy hair to match my messy life

jobs for women who prioritise taking it easy and chillaxing forever

getting on the treadmill at the gym and listening to bloodcurdling screams and scary noises and running as fast as i can screaming and crying and freaking out and looking behind me like someone's chasing me for like 30 minutes and then i immediately stop and leave like nothing happened

Clown cars are really tiny, but clown shoes are really big. What's that gas pedal look like

*clueless guy in 2006 voice* that iPhone? What a piece of junk. People are never gonna use a phone without a keyboard. I wish there was a way I could be a girl

ever since i woke up this morning i knew i’d be excited to go to bed again.

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

these exercises are sooo monotonous like i keep walking down the same hallway over and over 🙄

who was that.

the fucking fetus in the sink won't accept my insurance

badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird

Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence

Squash is "I don't know which I hate more, this plum, or my opponent, but I will do my best to make them both suffer"