the best apology is changed behavior

What the fuck are people doing when they’re in the shower for 30 minutes

15 minutes of washing yourself, 15 minutes of contemplating your entire existence thus far

i don’t mean to be political, but what if everyone had basic human rights

We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn’t stay alive.

if leonardo di caprio can wait 23 years for his oscar then y’all can wait for the damn light to turn green for more than 0.1 seconds before beeping at me tyvm 

when I grow up I hope I have a really cool bathtub

I just realized I’ve survived everything I’ve ever encountered in life. I have a 100% survival rate. I’m fucking nailing it.

A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB.

Now that’s a lot of information to swallow

how do I delete other people’s posts

my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy. 

She just wanted you to clean the house