All My Favourite Things

That Seinfeld fella is pretty funny he should get his own show

I’ve got some great news

what

I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to geico

How did you know if you dialed the right number

each button made a different tone so the numbers you dialed a lot became a subconscious melody in your head and if you hit the wrong button by accident it would sound like a wrong note in a song you know by heart

i can’t beleive that is a legitimate question in my lifetime

Other acceptable answer: the wrong person answers on the other end.

Another acceptable answer: the robot lady comes on the phone and tells you number doesn’t exist.

Shit yall

The fact that there are little people alive who don’t know a thing about this is crazy

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

I completely forgot what McDonald’s was

Good morning tumblr, Who are we cancelling today??

the russos

yeah. max deserved better

Thanks

pepsi

catch me gardening topless at 5am telling my baby tomato plant about my bad dream

SPACE LESBIANS GONNA COLONISE MARS, MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL SAPPHIC UTOPIA <3

I’d be happy with a mom like that.

I’d be fucking happy if I even lived in a country that allowed me to get accidentally lost in Paris. Fucking New Zealand, surrounded by sea. 

Fucking America. You drive six hours and you’re in the same God damn state.

Guys, the Eurostar is literally a train that goes UNDERWATER from the UK to France.

That’s too awesome.

what if a bobcat had a bob cut

that bob cat is out on the prowl for the manager

Shout out to all of the oldest children…who were used as the tester kids and now watch their younger siblings get away with stuff you would have been killed for.. Justice will never be restored

Who is the Dumbass who decided we should stop calling medicine “potions” and “elixirs”