JEFFSTER!

Incoming Transmission: Sentence Starters

@jeffstered​ (Jeff) asked: “He’s gone!“

Chuck’s watch had him in back room, probably elbow deep in something electronic. The little twerp went off the grid? Casey grabbed the front of Jeff’s shirt, “Gone where?”

“his favourite —” actually, no, she didn’t want to know why jeff had favourite dumpsters. what she didn’t know wouldn’t gross her out. “why would somebody take jeff, lester? have you checked the break room?”

@jeffstered​ said: "Sarah! Have you seen Chuck? Or even Casey? Jeff has been KIDNAPPED!“ Lester panicked. 

that…was not something she was going to bother chuck or casey with, although she would love to know how she seemed to be the one constantly be stuck in the middle of these ridiculous jeffster situations. how did this keep happening? “are you sure he hasn’t just passed out drunk somewhere?” that sounded more likely than someone kidnapping jeff.

v.s. the HR Problem

Even before he was a spy, this wouldn’t take that much detective work to figure out; the fact he wasn’t the only one with bumps and bruises was a good clue. “You and Lester are hosting a boxing ring in the cage again, aren’t you?“

in the wienerlicious, it had just been the two of them, which meant she was able to get a lot more physical when it came to making him squirm. in the buy more, they had a much larger audience, and whereas that too may come back to bite her in the ass, she hadn’t done anything but whisper seductively in his ear…yet it had still worked. he was backing off, and freaking out, which was something of a relief. her gaze drifted over to chuck, with a look that said ‘i’ll explain later’, and then back to lester, feigning disappointment for a moment. “oh, more private? oh we can definitely do that.”

okay, okay, okay, so this wasn’t so bad. kind of.

morgan got to his feet, his eyes still wide, as he looked from big mike to jeff and lester. nobody had been fired yet, which was always a good start. so long as they all still had their jobs, there was nothing to worry about. again: kind of.

his biggest concern was finding chuck, which actually, would probably be kind of difficult. ever since he started dating sarah, it seemed as if they disappeared all the time. it wasn’t as if morgan had any issue with his friend getting lucky, but while he was supposed to working? seriously?

“alright…” morgan breathed out, turning to face the two nerd herders. “we gotta find chuck. did he say anything about any installs?”

moving over to look at the log, he saw that there was nothing. maybe it was an emergency? he’d left in a hurry? that wasn’t like chuck at all. come to think of it, casey wasn’t in the store today either. was sarah in the wienerlicous? maybe they should start there. or he could call him.

 pulling out his cell phone, he dialed up chuck’s number…and it went straight to voice mail. “damn it! he’s gotta be with sarah, right?”

“you think i didn’t try chuck first thing?” lester said, eyes rolling. “voicemail, right? i’ve left him five. he never calls me back,” he scoffed, folding his arms across his chest.

“i saw him with casey earlier but he didn’t say anything about an emergency, they just went in there,” jeff pointed to the home entertainment room.

“and you didn’t say anything about this earlier?” lester said, clearly agitated. “jeffrey! we’re going to have to talk about this later,” he said, stalking towards the room, but finding no one and no trace of anything.

jeff ran outside and back in, winded as he placed his hands on his knees. 

“where did you go?” lester asked, placing a hand on jeff’s back.

“chuck and i have an…understanding,” the last word was breathed right against his flesh. she’d probably come to regret a sentence like that someday, it wasn’t likely something lester would forget, and she’d rather not have the buy more employees thinking they were in an open relationship. still, it might just work here. “he knows all about this.”

uh oh. oh no, oh no, oh no. he was done for! morgan gulped once again, glaring in jeff and lester’s direction. this was all their fault, after all.

as he heard big mike approach, morgan glanced up, eyes wide. “well, sir, as you know, i’m not a nerd herder, so i…have absolutely no idea what’s going on!” except he was literally behind the desk, but still! still! that wasn’t his job, he wasn’t going to take the blame for this.

big mike glared at morgan for a moment and then turned his attention to jeff and lester who were trying to crawl away. “you two got any idea what the hell’s goin’ on here? or should i just fire you right away?” he said, voice booming.

jeff and lester stopped, turning back in the direction of the store manager.

“if you three don’t get on your feet and start actin’ like men...” big mike threatened.

standing (and nearly knocking jeff back down in the process), lester flipped his hair and sighed. “well, sir... it seems that um... while jeffrey and i were assisting customers, another customer came behind the nerd herd desk and---well... pulled up a wildly inappropriate for the workplace site and as it so happens, said site is actually a virus--”

“it’s really bad!” jeff interjected.

“shut up, jeff!” lester chastised before turning back to big mike. “well, the virus seems to have gotten into the entire buy more system and um... fried... everything...” lester closed his eyes and waited to be fired.

“where’s bartowski when you need him?” big mike said, exasperated. “how do we fix this?”

lester explained that they don’t have the parts they need, despite having the knowledge of how to actually fix the problem.

“grimes... i’m putting you in charge of finding chuck. get him here. he’s got the company credit card. get those parts and don’t let a word of this get out to those large mart morons... they’d never let us live this one down... you understand me?” big mike said.

“me, huh?” sarah leaned in closer, so she was breathing against his ear as she whispered. “you know, i’ve been thinking about you all the time since you came to ask me out at the wienerlicious —” inwardly, she was cringing, but she was a spy, a good actress, the coy expression on her face looked genuine. “i was a little disappointed when you ran away like that.”

oh no, he was touching her. it took a lot of self restraint not to grab his hand, twist it around and flip him over. she managed to resist the urge to jump to the defensive, instead tugging her shoulder away from him. “fine. do you think they could be in the break room?”

“…that might just work.” it also might not, but it was about the only plan they had right now. it would be too expensive to replace all the computers, and none of them had the skills to try and fix this. so long as it was only the three of them…they were going to have to blame someone else.

“this is our only hope!” morgan declared, glancing around the store. “there are plenty of customers who would do this. what big mike doesn’t know won’t hurt us.”

“GRIMES!” came the yell from the manager’s office. 

“oh no!” lester exclaimed, ducking down behind the nerd herd desk and pulling jeff with him, frantically waving morgan to duck as well. “he knows!”

“it’s d-day, boys. this is war,” jeff said, nodding seriously.

“you tell him, morgan! he asked for you!” lester said.

oh, he was back to this, less intimidated now she wasn’t touching him. at least she knew what she needed to do to get him to back off; he was easy. “oh yeah?” sarah stepped towards him, their bodies almost flush together. “what are you interested in, lester?”

when the snoring began, sarah took a moment to assess the situation, scan the perimeter. there were no pants nearby, no signs of them anywhere near the nerd herd desk, which was surprising. would he have left them in the break room? thinking he’d sleep for awhile, she was about to go and check…when he spoke again. she was going to kill him one of these days. "this is getting ridiculous!”

“burn the..? no, jeff! we aren’t burning anything.” he was, however, thinking they were getting close to pineapple situation territory. not quite there yet, but close. if they wanted to fix this, they might need to get rid of all the customers…with evacuation, not murder.

this was a lot of pressure on him, though, and morgan gulped. how was he supposed to know what to do with all of this? he could call chuck, but he was probably busy with an offsite install or something. he seemed to have a lot of those. “i don’t know what to do about this, lester! i’m a green shirt. i’m not prepared.”

lester’s hands were steepled in front of his face as he let out a long breath. “you’re supposed to harness the power of chuck, morgan!” lester exclaimed, voice rising a bit with panic. “if we don’t get this fixed soon big mike will know and we’ll all be fired! i need this job, man!”

jeff placed a hand on lester’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. 

“NOT NOW, JEFFREY!” lester yelled.

there were a grand total of zero things sarah could ever imagine wanting jeff and lester’s help with. they weren’t the first people she’d go to, regardless of the situation — in fact, probably not even if they were the last people on earth. “i really don’t think this is something you would be interested in, lester.”

“you sit, and i’ll find your pants,” sarah insisted, although leaving him alone might not be her smartest move right now. why the hell was this her responsibility? she didn’t even work at the buy more (nor would she ever want to), yet somehow she was the one protecting the customers from jeff. “and don’t even think about unbuckling that belt, jeff. you will regret it.”

jeff started a little at sarah’s harshness, though he held his hands up and sat down in the chair behind the nerd herd desk. it wasn’t long before his head was falling back and he was snoring loudly, which in turn, woke him back up. he looked down at his pants and back to sarah who was still nearby. “why am i not in my drinking pants?” he asked, brow furrowed.