TOGETHER

𝚂𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙻  𝙿𝚁𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙶𝙴𝚂  𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙳  𝙷𝙴𝚁  𝙶𝚁𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙵𝚄𝙻        more often these days.      the smell of stew,     rich  &  bubbling  &  all hers is one of them.       truth be told,     mara could make a feast out of ship rations,     as she has done on many occasions,      but for now,     SHE SETTLES INTO THE LUXURY OF A WARM MEAL,     no matter her lack of particular skill.      ❝     i have to warn you,    i’ve only tried this recipe once before.    ❞     she smiles to her company,     standing beside her at the nanowave stove,     thinking that this too is something to be thankful for.     her smile fades quickly to allow her mouth to shape into a hiss,     as the thick stew’s bubbles begin to pop  &  splatter,     a drop hitting her skin.      mara quickly lowers the heat  &  covers the pot with a lid,     before looking to tahiri  & realizing,      perhaps too late,     that she had said something    —    something that sounded like an endearment she is surprised to think she deserves.

❝     what did you say ?    ❞

𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙.      -      @jedivong​

      ❝ i’ll eat anything. it’s okay, mom. ❞      SHE’S SMILING, KNEES BROUGHT UP TO HER CHEST  from her vantage point near mara jade.  she’s never seen her so relaxed before. her reaction however does confuse tahiri, the smile slowly slipping of her face as she saw her reaction.  𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 , maybe saying you’ll eat anything was bad ?  she’d never been told by anakin otherwise but sometimes even he missed out on thing.  he could only spend so much time around her before master ikrit split them up so they could practice forms. it usually ended with them sparring together anyway with master ikrit just fondly shaking his head.       ❝  when i was raised by the tusken raiders, only could find so much.  bugs, carcasses, whatever we could hunt or scavenge.  i’d never bathed before master skywalker and master tionne found me.  apparently i smelt really bad. ❞     IT’S NOT NICE TO THINK ABOUT NOW, if she is being completely honest, but necessity made a fool of the strongest of people.  tahiri had just been a child.

  now she was a 𝐉𝐄𝐃𝐈 on a mission with master jade skywalker !  and not for the first time either !  the first time she had been completely shocked.  she knew how much master jade-skywalker treasured her ship !  EVERYONE DID.  it was more than jaina treasured all her making bits or jacen his animals.  so that was a lot !  

             ❛❛     𝑖  𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟  𝑔𝑜𝑡  𝑡𝑜  𝘩𝑎𝑣𝑒  𝑎  𝑠𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟  𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒  𝑖  𝑐𝑎𝑚𝑒  𝘩𝑒𝑟𝑒       ━         now  i  guess  i  get  two .      ❜❜         earnest ,   though  she’d  asked  it  more  than  once  of  her  mother  ;    that  too  has  a  sour  taste ,   a  sting  she’ll  leave  unmentioned .   what  would  that  have  been ?  𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃  𝐈𝐓  𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍  𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 ?             ❛❛       nope .   mom  made  dad  take  threepio  with  him  when  they  left  this  morning     :    𝒊  𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌  𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔  𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒉𝒊𝒎  𝒂  𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏 .      ❜❜

the  hand  drops ,   she  takes  a  moment  to  push  dark  hair  behind  an  ear ,  studying  the  woman  in  front  of  her  curiously .             ❛❛       you  can  come  in  to  wait  if  you  want ?   i’m  not  supposed  to  open  the  door  when  i’m  here  alone ,  but  i  think  anji  could  probably  take  you       ━         𝑛𝑜  𝑜𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 .      ❜❜

  A SMALL SMILE, THOUGH the appearance of the girl has put her on uneven footing, tahiri had no right to take that out on her.      ❝ i was the same.  before i arrived at the academy i had no one.  now i have a whole family.   turns out when you befriend one of them, you get all of them. ❞      at least that was what she’d had before the war with the yuuzhan vong.  even now she was not quite sure what leia thought of her.  𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 ?   her and han had pretty much always seen eye to eye, to the point it had annoyed anakin to no end when he had been alive.  at least that hadn’t changed too much.    

       ❝ that is understandable. ❞      why han and leia were leaving a child alone was confusing ( let alone a child scarred by war, like her ) , but at least tahiri was here for now.  she was just DROPPING BY while she was in the sector.  taking up missions for master solusars had been the best thing she had done in a very long time.  it was like she had a  𝙋𝙐𝙍𝙋𝙊𝙎𝙀 again, taking direction from those who trusted her, had no ulterior motives.  ( jacen’s voice still echoed in her mind sometimes --- protect the queen mother and chume’da, they are your top priority. you live for nothing else. )    

she  is  like  glass,  now.  a  beautiful  tragedy,  spun  into  delicate,  trembling  forms,  fractured  a  thousand  times  over.  held  together  by  sheer  force  of  will.  they  look  at  her,  trace  the  errant  paths  of  her  scars  with  their  gaze,  and  something  within  them  aches.      “ your  mind  is  trying  to  protect  you.  to  shield  you  from  the  pain. ”      gentle,  so  very  gentle.  they  must  handle  her  carefully,  else  she  break  along  the  wrong  seams.  revan  kneels  beside  the  girl,  placing  a  hand  on  her  forearm.  offering  simple  comforts  they  know  she  needs  now,  more  than  ever.      “ but  it  will  still  come.  and  you  must  let  it. ”

the  calm  before  the  storm  is  always  foreboding.  the  revanchist  turned  it  into  a  PRACTICED  ART,  pulling  away  the  tides  with  bloody  hands  before  drowning  everything  they  touched  in  a  torrent  of  rancor  and  sorrow.  tahiri  too,  can  learn  to  weaponize  her  grief.  better  to  wield  it  as  a  weapon  and  burn  it  out  than  let  the  infection  fester.      “ you  must  let  yourself  grieve,  tahiri.  you  must  let  yourself  weep  and  rage  with  it. ”      revan  speaks  softly,  a  quiet  and  steady  presence  within  the  force.      “ grief  is  an  ugly  thing,  but  so  are  the  wounds  that  put  it  in  our  hearts.  you  are  not  are  not  wrong  to  struggle  with  it.  you  are  not  failing  your  friends,  or  your  family.  you  are  not  betraying  the  memory  of  ones  you  love.  you  are  trying  to  heal. ”

HEREIN  LIES  THE  SECRET  TO  THE  REVANCHIST.  the  cure  they  offer  is  one  they  have  already  taken.  that  their  care,  lined  with  fang  and  fury,  is  genuine.  ( but  the  line  between  medicine  and  poison  is  a  thin  one. )      “ your  grief  does  not  have  to  consume  you.  i  can  help  you  bear  the  pain.  teach  you  how  to  turn  it  into  a  strength. ”      frustration  lowers  their  brow.      “ this  is  not  about  jedi  or  sith.  or  light  or  dark.  this  is  about  loss  and  its  aftermath.  and  you  have  lost  something,  tahiri.  you  have  lost  SOMEONE.  but  you  do  not  have  to  lose  yourself  as  well. ”

𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 , though now that they touch her, tahiri knows that they can feel her trembling.  WHY MUST SHE BE SO WEAK.  anakin hadn’t been like this following the death of chewbacca.  she didn’t know why she was this way, why anakin’s death felt like a part of her had died too.  maybe master ikrit would have been able to answer that, but he too had died for her --- then she had been captured anyway.  she had been too brash, too stupid and thought herself untouchable.  that had been wrong, 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨.        ❝ i don’t feel physical pain anymore.  not after ---- ❞      the word torture dies on her tongue.  

  a hitch of breath as she tries to control herself, CALM HERSELF.  there was enough pain around them, she did not need to make it worse with her inability to heal the wounds inside her heart.   SHE WAS ALREADY A BURDEN, HOW COULD SHE MAKE IT WORSE ?  she had noticed how most spoke to her, like she was nine again and didn’t quite understand basic properly.  they didn’t know what to make of her anymore and she could tell by the way they looked at her.  the way some of them avoided her.  her own hand comes to grip their arm, holding onto them as if they were the only thing keeping her upright. sleep isn’t something she was all that familiar with.  jaina had insisted that she stay with her when she could, but tahiri couldn’t help feel anything but guilt about the fact she often woke her up screaming.        ❝ i think he was a part of me.❞   her voice cracks as tears begin to flow down cheeks.

  she doesn’t speak like she used to, all her words dusted with sorrow and pain.      ❝ i miss him so much. ❞      there were times she thought she saw him, amongst the x wing pilots and the top brass and she would run to him, only to find it was someone else completely.  but she knew better than to trust her eyes now.      ❝ what if i am already lost.  they say i’m not really human anymore.  that --- that my brain was changed by them.  it’s why i can understand them.  know things that only they know. ❞     WHAT IF SHE WAS THE ENEMY NOW ?   it was all she could think, and she knew others thought it too.  she was a security risk, someone with nothing left to lose now that anakin solo was gone.

              ❛❛       𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑎  .      ❜❜         an  offered  hand  outstretched ,   familiar  dark  eyes  agleam  with  recognition .      a  far  cry  from  all  that  came  before ,  she  sees  now  in  the  force  twin  gashes  of  hurt       ━         a  different  story       ━         𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐈𝐒  𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐄 .   maybe  love  tears  through  everything  in  the  end .        ❛❛       they  say  you  might  have  been  my  sister ,  once .    𝒊  𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆  𝒚𝒐𝒖  𝒄𝒂𝒏  𝒃𝒆 .     ❜❜

                                                                                                                           𝐣𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐨𝐧𝐠​​​​​​  :   sc

ALL SHE CAN DO IS STARE at the young child, her hands limp by her side.  she looks so ---- familiar that part of her feels rather ill.  she couldn’t place it, not yet.  the feelings does not subside after the child speaks.  in that moment she realises that she hadn’t thought of anakin recently --- far too busy trying to atone for her current sins.  this was just another thing to add to the list.  𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏 ?   finally she pulls herself out of her thoughts, deciding to crouch down so she was eye to eye with amelia and take her hand, holding it gently.        ❝ maybe in another time i would have been, but i’m happy to be your sister nevertheless if you want me. ❞

  she would have to have a conversation with leia or han about the fact that she knew so much about her when she hadn’t even known they had had wanted to adopt another child, let alone a hapan orphan.  ( tahiri had been a factor in two of their children’s deaths, could she really blame them for wanting to fill the hole that had caused )    

      ❝  do you think i’m doing the wrong thing ? ❞      LEAVING THE JEDI ORDER, IF ONLY FOR A short period of time was a daunting thing. really all tahiri had known was how to be a jedi.  and before that she had been raised as a sand person.  𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅.  this was her chance to learn and part of her was afraid of it.

  what if she didn’t like what she found ?  what would she do then ?  just return with some flimsy excuse that master skywalker would see right through ?      ❝ i just -- i don’t know who i am anymore.  i’m ---- ❞      the jedi trails off, the sentence unfinished but still hung in the air.  a liability.  𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀.  not who they trained.  not the same girl anakin solo had loved and died for. 

after she loses her lightsaber in a battle with nom anor, tahiri does not use a lightsaber for a few years. due to her leaving the jedi ( or going on a hiatus so to speak )  to learn who she was outside of the order and properly mourn anakin, someone whom she considered her soulmate. it is not until 34ABY that she creates herself a new lightsaber before returning to coruscant with the intentions of returning to the jedi order.

unlike her previous lightsaber, which had been a bright blue; her new lightsaber is orange, the focus crystal an item she had been gifted by someone she had helped during her time with the ryn network.

Good. He’d worried that she’d only come to find him because she was in trouble, or there was a desperate need.  Now that she promised that she was fine– and it even sounded like she was doing well, he could relax some and enjoy their time together.   It would be brief enough, but that was all the more reason to hold it close and be present for every moment of it, rather than looking for stormy skies on the horizon. 

“A good position for you,” He agrees, smiling mildly.  It was what Tahiri had enjoyed most, it made sense for her to take over for Tionne – she’d been glued to Tionne like her own shadow for long enough, absorbing everything the master could show her.  She would be a fine replacement, and would care for the artifacts the way Tionne, and even Luke for his small part, had.  

He reaches for his hot chocolate with a gloved right hand, having released Tahiri’s when she settled.  He seems to momentarily divide his attention, reaching out in the Force to check-in on his wayward son.  With all well with Ben, he returns his full attention to Tahiri – though her statement takes him by surprise and makes him chuckle into his cup. 

“My story?  C’mon – no one wants to hear that old thing again.”  He jokes, sipping from his cup,  “There’s a dozen holofilms out there about my story,” All some variety of bastardizations – thanks to Han selling Luke’s likeness rights so many decades ago.  The only one he cared for himself was Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor – and only because he himself had a hand in its creation.  He made sure that at least one was accurate.  

“You’ve grown up at the Jedi Academy, Tahiri. I’ve never been shy about setting the record straight on what the holos got wrong or played up. 

“You’ve heard my story.  Everyone knows my story.”  He pauses and turns to look at her studiously, scanning her face with piercing blue eyes as he asks, “So what is it, exactly, you’re still looking for?” 

      ❝ i was surprised to recieve it, though i will not be considered for jedi mastership for at least another few years. ❞      𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐈𝐑 between them.  tahiri didn’t need or want to say it and remind either of them for their failure.  what had happened with jacen had affected them both irreparably, and it had taken everything tahiri had to not fall into habits and run like she had in the past. 

 letting down master skywalker had been the hardest part of her.  him learning everything she had done.  THE PEOPLE SHE HAD KILLED.  part of her would always wonder how he was able to look her in the eye.    ❝ but i love it.  i always used to get mad about master tionne making me take breaks because i always wanted to learn more.  anakin never really understood it. ❞      there was something in there about making up for lost time, the time with the sand people having put her back more than a few years of learning in her eyes.

  learning a whole language as well as it’s idiosyncrasies in a few months hadn’t been easy after all.  the patience they’d had for her was something she would always be grateful for.  looking back on her behavour before anakin arrived ( and even when anakin was there ) she would have been a handful to deal with. 

 once luke lets go of her hands, they rest in her lap.  for once she doesn’t seem to fidgit, instead just watching the former grandmaster very carefully. his reaction wasn’t what she had hoped.  𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 .      ❝ for the jedi archives, master skywalker.  sure, we know it.  but we won’t live forever. ❞     and there was already misinformation floating around him leaving the jedi order.  while this wouldn’t fix it, it would be good to have a record of his story in his own words.  she was sure that master solusar had a reason as to why she had not harried him into putting down his story, but tahiri was not afraid to do so if it was needed.

The smile that breaks on his face is a … difficult, nearly inscrutable one.  He’s glad to see her, and it’s flattered how glad she is to see him – but it also hurts.  He hadn’t left her or any of his students by choice.  He had fought and sacrificed to give the New Republic the chance to build their own laws, outside of and away from the Empire.  And as such, it was his duty to abide by them (more or less, in any case) even when those same laws are what drove him into exile, into leaving behind everyone he cared for, everything he’d built, what he’d dedicated his life to.  It’s easier when he’s not face to face with one of his students, for many reasons.  The fact that she seems so happy, so desperate to have found him – it hurts that he’s been gone so long, when she or any of the others might have needed him.  No – he had to trust that Grand Master Hamner was looking after the Order and, perhaps more importantly, that the Jedi were looking after each other.   That, more than anything, is what he had hoped that he’d taught them – to look after one another, and the whole of the galaxy besides. 

He turns his hand over in Tahiri’s grip to hold her hand, the smile growing less bitter and more sweet as the moments stretch on.  

“Well, we’ve been doing a good job of hiding then, hm?” He jokes in a vain effort to break the tension that seems to have Tahiri close to tears; and himself dwelling on old things.  

“You’re alright?”  He wasn’t allowed to involve himself in Jedi business, so he keeps his questions personal– something it’s taken him nearly four years to try to master,  “You’re not in trouble? Do you need me, Tahiri?” 

  ❝ well, if i had trouble finding you, it would mean a mercenary would too. ❞      𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐃 𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐋𝐘, though she makes sure to squeeze his hand a little too tightly to try and reassure him she had been extra careful.  she had gone out of her way to make sure that she couldn’t be followed.   to lose master skywalker because she was not careful enough ?  that was not something she would be able to forgive herself for.  she had only just started to come to terms with what had happened with anakin and then later with jacen.  she had cost him enough of his family.  the last thing tahiri wanted was to be the cause of his death.

      ❝ i’m fine, master skywalker.  i’ve taken over master solusar’s position as the historian of the jedi order.  since she is on the jedi high council, her and grand master hamner thought it prudent to make sure nothing gets lost.  it gives her time to focus on that and the running of the academy. ❞      if the war had never happened, it was very likely she would have ended there anyway.  she always THIRSTED for knowledge and following in master tionne’s footsteps just felt ---- 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭.  those who had known her as a child, would not be surprised in the slightest by this development.  the jedi knight sighs, finally relaxing into the back of their seat, though her hood still stays up.  her scarring was too recognizable and she had not brought her little bag of tricks with her. hidden beneath the folds of her cloak was her lightsaber, so different from the one that master skywalker would most likely remember.

MEME ||  @jedivong​ asked:  “is it really you?” - the rising force

“It’s been what– two weeks? – and you forget me already?” He knows full well it’s been longer than two weeks.  Years, in fact.  The former Grand Master keeps his hood pulled up to shade his face, further concealing the copper and chrome lightsaber hilt at his side.  He sets his mug of hot chocolate down on the table he sat at– a shadowed, corner table on the patio out front of the cantina, his back to two joined walls so he had a full view of the comings and goings on the street. 

“Search your feelings, Tahiri Veila.” He says, lifting his chin so that his face flashed briefly out from under the cover of his hood, and he casts her a brief wink before withdrawing again, gesturing for her to sit at the table with him.

𝐈𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐒 to not cry.  she is glad her own hood obscures her face, that he doesn’t see that fact.  it would be embarrassing, especially at her age.  she’s gotten a little old for this, but it’s like when they first met and he’d made every effort to make her feel welcome.  even when she hadn’t washed in years and had probably smelt to high heaven.  thankfully during her time under his tutelage, she had learnt hygiene.  and how to speak basic.     ❝ four years, master. ❞      she slips into the seat next to him, not daring yet to embrace him.

  she’ll wait for permission though every cell in her body is screaming at her to do so.  he was the former grandmaster of the jedi order, he still deserved her respect.  𝗛𝗜𝗠 𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗠𝗘𝗔𝗡𝗧 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗢 𝗛𝗘𝗥.  maybe that was what frightened them so much.  she had been very surprised that she had not been dragged into it, but seemingly jacen had been very happy to keep her part covered up.  wraith squadron was a MYTH after all.  not that she had been a part of them since before jacen’s death.      ❝ 𝐢’𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐢 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮.  i was starting to think the lead i had was just a dead end. ❞     a hand finally grasps his metal one, not caring that she hadn’t found flesh.

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁  𝙵𝙾𝚁  @jedivong​​

there  is  a  wildness  in  their  eyes.  a  light  like  that  of  a  distant,  long - dead  star.  ( the  revanchist  burns  cold. )     “ sometimes  anger  and  hatred  are  deserved  and  right. ”    they  say  it  like  a  warning.  like  a  prayer.    “ sometimes,  things  change  because  of  it. ”

she always thought she felt too much.  it was not surprising considering her childhood.  the inability to talk or feel or touch skin to skin ---- it was like it had left a hole in her that had only gotten larger with anakin’s death.  so much had happened in such a short period of time and every second away from anakin  ( she had been told that she’d spoken to his corpse in the aftermath, that jaina had forcibly had to remove her ) was like it was getting 𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒓.