big sjgh

I like both versions so there lol, can't decide!!! Anyways onto the yapping:

WHO THE FUCK STARTS A FUCKING BOOK LIKE THIS I JUST SAT DOWN BTW 😭😭😭 (the creator of Star Trek actually)?!!?!? Before reading this book I was fully aware what t'hy'la meant but like. to smack it in my face on the 2nd page is insane?????????? Also the fact that the book is written by the characters in universe too like???? HELP?????

And Kirk is the one who gives the final approval too, whatever the crew said and wrote down, Kirk read every detail and approved it. That leads into this infamous page, page 22, chapter 2:

I had to stare at this page for like. A couple minutes being bombarded with this insane footnote, I knew it was a thing but. holy shit reading the book normally and then coming across this monstrosity of a footnote is mind blowing (must've been when it was published back then too). So, chapter 2 focuses on Spock, going through the final ceremony on Vulcan to complete the Kolinahr yeah? And he looks up at the sky, thinking of Earth, thinking of the memories he had there from Starfleet academy, his friends, his crew... saying goodbye and putting an end to that part of his life. Like full stop. THEN, he deliberately singles out Kirk, calls him by the nickname "Jim" which he rarely does unless in a particularly high stress/emotional situation in the show, calls Kirk his best friend/brother/lover and says goodbye forever since he's going to forget him/shut him out from his thoughts. (I will yap about the whole chapter later.) Onto the insane footnote- seeing what it means, makes you wonder how did it go in universe writing this book (delusion):

Kirk: *reading the draft* Mr. Spock, is this necessary to be put into the book? Spock: It is a truthful recount of my memories, Admiral, they are imperative to give context on my location and what I had gone through. Kirk: And... you called me... that? *hopeful heart eyes stare up at Spock.* While you were thinking of me? Spock: Yes. Yes I did. I consider you... very important to myself. Kirk: *Sighs dreamily* And who says Vulcans aren't romantic...? *Gives Spock that cheesy dumb smile he does*

Also Kirk imo was 100% bluffing seeing his response like it's giving "I'm NOt gAY gUys, iT aIN't me-" he's def covering what is his actual relationship with Spock tho hahah I like to think they got together after the movie... like damn... the scene in sickbay... Spock going through the mind meld and seeing that despite how knowledgeable V'ger is, it cannot comprehend feeling, "This simple feeling, is beyond V'ger's comprehension." This simple feeling... the side Spock wanted to erase so badly at the start of the movie. Feelings that he had been taught was weakness time and time again, but it was feelings that saved him. It was feelings that he has friends, it was feelings that he loved Jim. Like. Wow what a fucking line. Onto the rest of the chapter, the "powerful entity" (V'ger) that Spock sensed, it scares him, and it catches him off guard because like. He was supposed to be in full Vulcan control of his emotions and was about to erase them right? He feels such an immense amount of shame as well, recognizing that he felt scared, he was concerned. He was frightened, for this friends, the humans. Those illogical, overly emotional humans. And what of them? What will happen to them if this entity were to harm them? Spock tries to push his feelings down as usual and play them off, trying to concentrate but his mind doesn't quiet, he thinks about his not so nice past, being bullied on his own home planet in his childhood, going into Starfleet because he couldn't stand the xenophobia towards him, then wanting to prove to himself that he's the most Vulcan ever to have lived among the humans. His thoughts then lead to Kirk, once again, ''Spock, why fight so hard to be a part of only one world? Why not fight instead to be the best of both?" < very sweet words from Kirk, and even sweeter that Spock remembered them. Unfortunately Spock's thinking is interrupted by one of the Kolinahr masters and snaps him out of it. They ask Spock of the entity, that they can feel it too, and asks Spock what's it all about, but Spock just doesn't answer because his feelings of fear come rushing back to him, which induces a mind meld with T'sai. In which they both find Kirk's voice, his thoughts (OVER THEIR BOND!?!?? FROM GALAXIES AND PLANETS AWAY MIND YOU?!??! AND THEY HAVEN'T BEEN IN CONTACT FOR 2.5 YEARS?!?!?) :

"The Klingons weren't destroyed. It feels like like they've become ''wall exhibits in Hell." And jt's headed for Earth. Spock, I wish you were here to help me understand."