CW discussion of a high publicity trans suicide from 8 years ago, I'll be tagging this obv but want to say off the bat that this may be a tough read - I'm not exactly sure what I want to say.
I've been thinking a lot about Leelah Alcorn lately. She would've been 24 this year - only a year older than myself - and it's been almost 8 years since her suicide. I won't ever forget her, I don't know how anyone who was around at the time could.
If you weren't on tumblr/the internet in general at the time, it's probably hard to conceptualise how... big it was. How many people were talking about this one trans girl's suicide. Reading her note, published on her blog via the queue function. Seeing all the pain, and outrage, art and activism happening all at once. Being a young trans kid who was only beginning to unpack their own gender, and wondering if it was worth it. Feeling hurt and outraged in ways you couldn't quite articulate. That was my experience, anyway.
To be honest, it was scary. After the initial flood of conversation, discourse, tributes, I kind of... locked it away, for a while. Tried not to think about it. It was morbid and terrifying and I didn't have anyone I could actually talk to about it. It's not like my parents knew what was happening in the 2014 tumblr trans community. It's not like I could've explained it, or how it was making me feel.
But at the same time as terrifying me, it incensed me. How dare her parents let this happen, and refuse to respect her even after her death? And so many people felt the same. This was a community boiling over with rage and hurt, in a way I had certainly never seen before. People came to Leelah's defence, told the bastards we will say her name, we will remember her, we will honour her. And she has been honoured. Her name has been spoken, so many times, by so many people. People were screaming, we love you, we love you, we love you, and we're sorry. And fuck, that was powerful. At such a formative time in my personal political growth, trans unity like this was powerful.
I've been thinking a lot about Leelah Alcorn lately. I never knew her, and I don't even know if I would have liked her. I wish I had the chance to find out. But I remember her. Her name is etched into a corner of my soul.
I'm not sure if I have a point, or how to end this. But just... remember her, if you can.
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
