birds are reptiles

imagining like a frat bro with the hat on sideways and like the sleeves cut off his shirt getting drunk as fuck and crying to his boys like spilling jungle juice on himself getting the couch all sticky and shit and then he takes his phone out of his pocket and all his bros are like bro do not text her right now but he opens a sudoku app and chooses "master" difficulty and starts filling in the board at blinding speed. he wakes up in the morning and every cell is wrong

Hot older woman was browsing the cd’s and dvd’s in the thrift store and her loser partner was like “you can just get all of this online for free” and she was like “you just don’t understand, Bert” yeah BERT, you just don’t fucking get it

And I worked with a man called Squidward. And he was a Protestant man, but we were the best of friends. But by God, he was crabid as a bag of cats. He was an auld grump. And he'd be big into the flutes and the Oboes and things like that. He lived in a big stone head.

imperial jewels love being looted actually, its a vital part of their natural life cycle. you need to do it to them every so often or they will grow bored and start becoming destructive

Can people please stop spreading this rhetoric. They were pieces of art, created by skilled craftspeople, that were up until recently displayed in one of the most visited museums in the world for millions of people to see. Now they're almost certainly going to be destroyed, broken up and sold in parts, or at best end up in the private collection of a billionaire.

I am loving the implication that "imperial jewels need to be stolen every so often because otherwise they get restless" is somehow a more prevalent and influential statement than "it is bad to steal things from museums"

*logs onto tumblr* I wonder what the people who don't leave the house are saying about sex today

surviving child neglect will have you thinking “am I ontologically evil for having needs?” meanwhile the need is. idk. not being yelled at for asking a question. or even. y’know. wanting food to eat

james and the giant pronoun

does anyone have the gamer dance gif because i need it

Hmm…………….. not quite. try again

Only gif I got, boss.

"I'm just a girl☺️🥰💖💞💅🌺🌷🦄" when you were eight and the teacher said she needed some strong boys to carry something you used to be furious, and when you convinced them to let you help, you carried twice as many chairs as the boys with the righteous anger of a girl who knew she was just as capable as them. Where did that go?

#what's the bet Ahmed was just asking for certain shifts during Ramadan and Boss got excited and was like “just take the whole ramadan off!”#“don't even worry about it! we support you! take the time you need!” I'm scheduled to work with him tomorrow morning so will find out then 🫡 .We're both STEM majors who use the early empty hours to study so I will report if I get more than a grunt out of him about it.

norp

I'm sorry guys A few years ago I found a button that says 'press this to make the world 1% more evil' and I have just been pressing it and pressing it all day long every day. I'm not going to stop pressing it anytime soon but I wanted to say I'm sorry. also I'm very happy to say that I have forgiven myself so that's a big milestone for me