JENNA ORTEGA𩸠Taste (2024) Scream VI (2023) Wednesday (2022)
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JENNA ORTEGA𩸠Taste (2024) Scream VI (2023) Wednesday (2022)

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I just had a family vacation, and itās without its ups and downs. But, I came out with it realizing, my cousin is probably my best friend, and that was never supposed to be the case. Even when she was a baby, I thought she was a cool baby. But, she was always I mean baby, that would hit me, and gravitate towards my female cousins and my sister. One of the most triggering moments embedded in my mind, was while playing my ps2 with my family, my cousin and her brother turned my bed into a slide. I would watch as no other person would discipline her. As she got older, I kind of just ignored her. The backstory is, the girl I messed up with lives in North Carolina, and my cousin knows this story. And the story of the girl I loved, and how I messed it up with her, bothers me to this day Iāll never know why my cousin decided to vent to me. My cousin told me a story that would probably forever make me care about her more. Her story is somewhat similar to the girl I loved, and I just feel the need to redeem myself and make sure sheās protected. While on vacation with my cousin, we talked about the girl from North Carolinaā¦and her unusual long toes. This led to a conversation where my cousin said she had the exact same toes. Even though, this triggered me, so much, it was kind of cathartic, since my cousin knows I still miss that girl so much. It was so odd for us to both look at her toes, compare the lengths to the girl I loved, as well as Jenna Ortegaās. But we even looked at different foot types, and, well, once again, because this time of my cousinās toes, maybe I realize I overreacted to the girl from North Carolinaās feet. My cousin would continue to trigger me by placing her legs on mine, making me see her feet. Kicking my leg with her barefoot triggering me once again. And the last thing was walking barefoot and she told me āI feel all the crumbs.ā Just when I thought it could not get any weirded, my cousin on the way back would start playing āthis little piggyā with her toes and start saying stuff like āthis little piggy went to Disneyā āthis little piggy when to universalā sheād also name the toes after characters and continue to wiggle her toes. She would later name the toes after her family members , and said Iām the toe thatās āstuck in the middleā (like Jenna Ortegaās Disney show) the last thing she did was flash the sole of her foot to me, and it just freaked me out to see her feet that close. Despite the weirdness of all the feet stuff, my cousin was 100% there for me on this vacation, and I really couldnāt do it without her. To me, the one thing that stood out was a comment she said, that was so sly, I wouldnāt have thought anything of it. I was very close to missing her birthday, and I basically had to make deals to make sure I was there. She later told me she would have been mad if I didnāt show up. It just made me think, Iāve always felt irrelevant to the family, or not important. Like Iād rather be on my own. Coming out this trip, I want to hang out with my cousin more, like she is weird, but sheās hella cool, and Iāve always said āfriends over family.ā But I felt happier just chilling with my cousin than with my actual friends. I think one of the main things is, I lost my friendship with the girl from North Carolina, and Iāve always been hurt about it. The fact that I sort of see my cousin in a similar light, I feel I have to protect her from any bad stuff. Cause at this point, I donāt want to lose contact with my cousin either. Itās just weird in my mind, the girl from North Carolina, I was in love with, and losing her friendship hurt me badly, even if it was all my fault. I donāt even really talk about love, not even family love, but in my mind I feel like if I could make sure my cousin is always good, i could feel better about losing the love of my life. There is that part of me that is upset, that no matter what, feet will seem to randomly be talked about to me. I will now post the feet of the girl from North Carolina that has somehow really impacted my life
I think I need a social media blackout, or just a break. I feel overwhelmed. Jenna Ortega has always been a comfort person. But, what I always manifested and hope would happen, has kind of backfired on me. Iām happy with how famous Jenna has gotten. But, what I donāt like is now how everyone knows about her. And more people like her now. And it feels weird how so many people criticized me, to now they understand what I saw in her. And itās not just people, itās the whole internet that is now raving about her, when sheās been great since 2016. Iām overwhelmed with content. Iām in a weird place, cause for the first time, in a long time, I can say Iām at peace with the girl from North Carolina. I have not thought about her as much since āWednesdayā debuted. I do fully believe, in my heart I will meet the girl of my dream: , Jenna Ortega one day. But, I feel like I just need to find a way to just stay off social media for awhile. Jenna has gotten so popular that I feel like I now have a better shot with Olivia. I donāt know whatās worse, still kissing the girl from North Carolina, or this suffocating love for Jenna Ortega, that now others may similarly have. I see now how powerful manifestation is, but I only say what I truly believe. I believed Jenna would eventually become a superstar. I believe I will eventually meet her.
Jenna Marie Ortega is the absolute girl of my dreams. Iām simply in love with her. And I hope to one day meet her. My love for her, is something out of, getting over the pain of failure, rejection, death and 2020. This goes back to 2017. I moved out my house, and I was kind of hurt, and lonely leaving. Mostly cause of my dog, I missed him like crazy. When I moved, I was bored and would watch tv, and Stuck in the Middle would be on, and Iād watch it. At the time I thought Jenna Ortega was really ugly, but I liked the show and started to watch it. 2019 comes along and āYouā season 2 comes out, and Jenna Ortega is in it. At this point I develop a huge crush on her. While working in Pa, they would constantly leave āYouā on, and Jenna became someone that I started to find comfort with. 2020 comes along, and dealing with Kobeās death, the love of my life being pregnant, and my dog dying, was the roughest year I ever endured. The Babbysitter : killer Queen comes out, and I see Jenna Ortega again. I just fall in love with her. I had also bought her book āitās all loveā earlier in the year, cause I liked the idea of it. Now, 2022, comes along and with all her content in Scream, the Fallout, X, and Wednesday, I am in love with her more than ever, as well as most of the other public. I also went to new Yorkās comic con to try and see her, and I did. It kind of sucks that now the whole world knows who Jenna is, but itās great for content. And now people, see what Iāve always seen in her. But, the truth is, my obsession and live for Jenna, is just to hide the pain Iāve endured. And Jenna makes me feel so happy and safe. Sheās literally so beautiful, and I just enjoy all aspects of her. I wish I could let Jenna know how I feel about her. But, itās basically, all the content she does is enjoyable, and it just makes me less sad of what has left my life, including the love of my life being pregnant. Jennaās positive energy, and her charming personally gives me true hope I can never feel depressed, as long as Jenna is there putting on content. She really is a comfort person.
It sucks that the girl from North Carolina is the girl of my dreams. I always have to live with the fact I did her wrong, and blew my shit with her. Iām at a place where itās not as bad, but I still think about it daily. And I feel so uncomfortable expressing how I feel. She was the one that, helped me with that. And I donāt want to bother people with it. I feel like Im all I have. The thing that helps me a lot, is a comfort celebrity, which is now Jenna Ortega. I love Jenna Ortega Weill all my heart. Itās because her content was always there for me, when I needed tit. When I first left my house in 2017, I randomly watched āstuck in the middleā for some reason. In 2019, I watched her in āYou.ā In 2020c my most painful year, Kobe died, girl from North Carolina got pregnant, girl I liked got a bf, and my dog died. The day the girl from North Carolina got pregnant, I watched āstuck in the middleā and it helped a bit. In 2022, Iāve watched āScreamā, āThe Falloutā āStudio 66 āxā & āAmerican Carriageā there are few bright spots in my life, and Jenna Ortega content, it literally keeps me going. I have some really bad confidence issues, but Jenna Ortega..She really makes me hate life less. It really is hard to explain to friends and family why Iām like this. But, it really is, I donāt think Iāll ever forgive or forget the girl from North Carolina, and the pain hurts still as much as my dog dying. Iāve leaned to accept death, as much as that still hurts. But Iām still hurting that I missed my shot with North Carolina

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I still miss this girl like crazy from 2015-2016 . I think about crushes ive had on others, and sheās the only one I feel was real. I miss her. Other than my dog, thereās no one I miss more than her.I canāt explain the hurt, that Iām still blocked on ig and snap. Iāve been trying to talk to her through Facebook, and she responds. I wanna be able to talk to her again. I think what makes me still miss and love her, is she was nice to me. She never really picked on me, or made fun of me. She may have want attention, but she was nice to me. Iāll never forget that she didnāt call me a ācreep or weirdā I just feel realy alone at times, and sometimes it still gets to me. Iām able to own a ps5, o get the sneakers I want, Iāve done stuff to distract me. I have a lot of celebrity crushes. But, thereās something about her, that I miss.I just remember my friends (her ex) used to always try and get me to admit to something Iāve never told her. I love her. Iāve told other fields before I love them, either real or friendly way. But, with her, I never wanted to admit. I dunno why. I really look at her, and see sheās chubby, but I miss her personality, her voice, her face, her eyes, her double chin, I miss her hairless arms, I miss her cute chubby body. I miss her long toes. I canāt tell you how weird it is, that I have feet pics of her, and she knows it, but she just kinda teased me, never called it weird. I used her feet as something I post, when I feel offended. Her feet are meme worthy. It also hurts, when I use it, cause it reminds me of her. My friend has been using the pci against me. It feels wrong cause she sent it to me, and I feel weird using it now, but I dunno, I just kinda felt unique she sent it to me. She made me feel comfortabl. I made her cry so many times I feel horrible. The fact that sheās a mom now, in another state, it hurts. Iāve tried to move on from her, but deep down I think itās my hatred for my own self that stops me. Iāve gotten over crushed before, people I didnāt think Iād get over. But, from the minute I saw this girl, I just liked her. I only worked with her for 11 drama filled months. I hung out with her twice in 2017, got too nervous to see her in 2018. The pain still lingers
I just had the oddest dream, I was with Galaxy(I think) and someone was talking shit to her, and I had to hold her back from fighting, and while I was holding her, I stattted to eventually kiss her and that led to me I dunno why, but she came. I was ready to stick it in, but I was waiting for her permission. I was gona try again, but I woke
Bullying
I can say all my life Iāve dealt with bullying. Mostly with Jokes. Dealt with it in middle school, and it continues to this day. The one way I earned to deal with it, was to make people laugh. But, there are jokes I still remember to this day. And with my closest friends I remember all the jokes, I just learned to deal with it. So many joes have bothered me over the years. I just kinda slowly distant myself. Bullying just makes yiu feel worse, and since I hated myself to begin with, it gets ugly fast.I always think bullying is like a running back taking hits, eventually, itāll catch up. Also, when I roast people, or even talk about people, it may come off as harsh, cause Iāve been used to some really messed up things joked about me, so I just get used to it. It does suck have no one to talk to about this. Iād rather just deal on my own, cause I hate being judged .
Forever alone
Itās tuff being a 30 year old virgin, never being kissed nonetheless. It kind of just happens, you always hope that itāll get better, but it just doesnāt happen. Admittedly, there have been times where I coulda kissed someone, and maybe other things, but my mind just gets so negative, I choke. The inner pressure I put on myself, to make sure I have to be perfect is nerve wracking. Itās not normal to be this unlove for this long. I wish it could turn around, but I just really donāt see it happening, id rather just keep to myself than to continue trying. I havenāt told people about tjis, since itās too embarrassing. People know of things, but not to the other stuff. Deep down inside, I can say I hate myself, so itās hard to actually find someone to like me when I canāt stand myself.
October 26
Today is Galaxyās birthday. I miss her. Iāve been going through a lot of emotions. Iām able to sort of control it, but constant pain is, my dog dying, Kobe dying, and Galaxy being a single mom. I donāt feel like telling people how I feel. Is I just kinda keep to myself. I feel alone. I started to watch goosebumps the movie, and itās a movie that surprisingly has me emotional. It came out in 2015 and I always remember it being the movie or old Galaxy I saw. It has a love story, and the hannah vibes, with Dylan minnete just give me 13 reasons why vibes.

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Frustrations
I am just annoyed with everything and I donāt see a way to calm down anymore. Iām just pissed about 2020. My dog dying still hurts. I still have nightmares of that day he got put down. I randomly think about him. And it hurts, he was like the only few people I trusted. Cause humans be pissing me off. Iām hurt that Galaxy is a single mom. I miss her so much and regret how I treated her. I always think about it. Iām hurt by the Kobe death. Ive put on weight, so now everyone has jokes. I have to deal with being stupid, ugly, not being Loved by anyone, and now I got to deal with fat jokes. People just annoy me, any little thing, like Iām just super annoyed. Iām annoyed now people disrespect in basketball, and all my shots are āluckā before people usally say Iām āassā itās like I canāt win with people.Andrea having a boyfriend still hurts. She made it seem like she was a real friend. But, flirting with matt constantly, and then to see her with her actual bf. Iām hurt. I just donāt trust people, Iām about to just isolate myself. Taking Ls on snkrs is also growing really frustrating, since Iāve never won. It really is makes me feel like a loser. To top it all off, the sneakers I just bought got lsot by ups. And I feel like Iām not going to get the shoes or my money. I just feel in a hopeless state, that no one can help me out of. I donāt have anyone to talk to. I donāt trust people. I just hate myself so much that, I feel like I donāt deserve this life. I feel like someone else coulda done a better job.
Dreams
I dunno why I just had a dream about Andrea. It was so random. I was with her, her friend, & 2 randoms Iāve never seen before. I remember the weirdest thing was she was wearing sandals(which she doesnāt wear) and she was wiggling her toes at me and they where unpolished. This was wowed cause I remember telling her her white toes didnāt trigger me like those of Galaxy and her notorious white toes. Itās just weird cause I know Iām in love with Andrea right now, and I dunno whatv happens next since she has boyfriend. At 30 years old, this still happens to me.
Far from home
Itās weird Iām still hurt from the pregnancy from North Carolina. Iām happy for her, and wish her rnothifn but the best. Hate Iām still blocked. But, reconnecting with my friend again, it feels odd. I have really strong feelings for her. Like Iāve had crushes before. But, with Andrea I do feel like Iām in love with her. And I donāt want that. I think she still has a boyfriend. So many other guys still like her. And I feel like she likes the other guys more than me. But, I did open up to her more. & the fact that she wants me as a friend, and wants to create memories thatās how Iāve felt I just donāt say it. Iāve been crushing on her for awhile. And all the feelings went away when I learned about her boyfriend. I took an edible at work cause Iād donāt wanna hear her talk about her boyfriend. I just wanted to ignore it. Now, that I think about it pretty sure Matt has all the info, and she probably talks to him about ahmed. And heās trying to get with her too. It feels like 2015-2016. The last time I made a real run. I guess this 2019-2020 is the equivalent. Back in 2015, I was doing everything in my power to get with the girl form North Carolina. And lost to Michael. Iāve always felt betrayed but I knew she liked him more. It always did hurt when she was one of the few girls that gave me a chance. Andrea is so nice, and that niceness throws me off. Iād rather her be an asshoel. I see how she acts with the other guys she ālikesā and sheās mostly nice to me. Iām in that tuff spot of wanting her, or needing her as a friend. My friendship with andrea is like that of Peter & MJ In far from home. Iām always trying to scheme to get alone time with her. But, thereās always an obstacle. I just wish she could love me, but I just always feel like sheāll say āoh, you deserve better.ā
Ghost
I learned this first from Kyrie. And also Leāveon Bell. When things are not going my way I looke to distant myself or just leave. Usually what happens is, when thereās a girl I have strong feelings for, Iāll here something that deflates me, or I feel like I wonāt get the attention I want. When this happens, I tend to be quiet. My mind just wishes Iād get the attention I want Talking to Andrea she checks all the marks on someone I really like, it jsut sucks that eve Iāve loved her, and I know I can not compete. It hurts tok now I canāt pull it off. But other guys can. When these things happen, I just gotta not talk, let it process. I just at tiems can really hate myself. What Iāve startedto get a feeling is..Iām dying alone. And thereās only a hand full of people that care about me. I just donāt feel the love. Maybe a few do, like andrea, but as I get closer I donāt trust her. It sucks. I think sheās really one of the better people Iāve met. Deep down I know I have to learn to love myself..but I hate myself. I just canāt control the negative thoughts at time. Itās never to the point of suicide, but it is enough to hate myself I just wish I could be happier and think better, but I just hate myself so much, that itās hard to trust anyone.
Friends
Looking back, I canāt lie I actually hate my friends. And itās been years, but itās always been in the back of my mind how much I hate my friends. I am just constantly made fun of, every single time. & it just annoys me. They just make memes about me.!just pictures and pictures of me. People wonder why my self esteem is so low. Why my confidence is low. Itās cause my friends all they did was make fun of me the whole time. Iām just used to people always making fun of me. So much so itās hard to believe what anyone says.i feel like my whole life Iāve been bullied. And thereās nothing I can do to change that. Itās a hopeless feeling. I feel like a running back taking hits dealing with my friends. I feel like itās taken a toll on me. It makes me greatful for galaxy, she was an asshoel as well. But, I saw her for what she is. She was caring. I could never accept that. I miss her.

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Let it snow
Thereās been one movie that Iāve rewatched over and over again, cause it has a happy ending and almost no conflict. The last movie I watched over and over was Atl. I may have to start watching both movies over and over. Cause they both make me feel so good. And itās one of the few movies I wonāt daydream about my heartbreak. I just felll in love with isabela Merced. She is just so pretty. Also love her personality. I need to find more movies that just keep me happy.
13 reasons why season 4
13 reasons why is, a show that somehow has always been there for me the last 4 years. In 2017, I left my house and the first thing I watched to feel at home was 13 reasons why. I was in a dark place, darker than most knew, and watching the show made me, feel better in a way.i watched the show thinking Hannah was my ally. It took until I watched season 2 that I know who my Hannah really was. Season 2 with the āback to youā selena gomez song made me realize. It was galaxy who I was still in love with the whole time. And rewatching season 1 hurt more. Finding a girl, that you could never have, dropping hints for you, but being too scared to make a move.saying the wrong things too many times to count. I really am clay Jenson. I tried to do what clay did and let the girl I love go. Season 4 and clay still realizes the root of all this is still Hannah. I watched seasons 4, a week before the girl Iām still in love with, I was shown sheās pregnant. I am very happy for her, I care for her, but since i am blocked it hurt. That now, more than ever I have no shot. I miss her, I miss her friendship. I miss her voice, her personality, the few hugs we had. I miss her double chin, I miss her long toes. I miss all of her. She was the realest friend I ever had. She liked to mess with me when I first met her. But, when I saw her when she came back, she was so nice to me, I was always waiting for her to make fun of me. She never did. I live with the guilt that I wasnāt there for her enough. I am really depressed over this girl. Iām done so many things to her, to make her feel awful. I try not to tell people how dark my thoughts are. I feel like clay or any person with a mental illness. I donāt feel understood. I feel very alone. And deep down, I had a shot at love with galaxy, she was the one. I donāt think anyone will ever be able to match her. I will proably be alone, forever. If thereās anything I learned from galaxy, itās that I have to build my confidence up. Clay has moved on. I need something to distant myself. Cause Iām still in love with my Hannah baker. I want someone to help me, but I canāt even help myself