chosen one.

I just had a family vacation, and it’s without its ups and downs. But, I came out with it realizing, my cousin is probably my best friend, and that was never supposed to be the case. Even when she was a baby, I thought she was a cool baby. But, she was always I mean baby, that would hit me, and gravitate towards my female cousins and my sister. One of the most triggering moments embedded in my mind, was while playing my ps2 with my family, my cousin and her brother turned my bed into a slide. I would watch as no other person would discipline her. As she got older, I kind of just ignored her. The backstory is, the girl I messed up with lives in North Carolina, and my cousin knows this story. And the story of the girl I loved, and how I messed it up with her, bothers me to this day I’ll never know why my cousin decided to vent to me. My cousin told me a story that would probably forever make me care about her more. Her story is somewhat similar to the girl I loved, and I just feel the need to redeem myself and make sure she’s protected. While on vacation with my cousin, we talked about the girl from North Carolina…and her unusual long toes. This led to a conversation where my cousin said she had the exact same toes. Even though, this triggered me, so much, it was kind of cathartic, since my cousin knows I still miss that girl so much. It was so odd for us to both look at her toes, compare the lengths to the girl I loved, as well as Jenna Ortega’s. But we even looked at different foot types, and, well, once again, because this time of my cousin’s toes, maybe I realize I overreacted to the girl from North Carolina’s feet. My cousin would continue to trigger me by placing her legs on mine, making me see her feet. Kicking my leg with her barefoot triggering me once again. And the last thing was walking barefoot and she told me “I feel all the crumbs.” Just when I thought it could not get any weirded, my cousin on the way back would start playing “this little piggy” with her toes and start saying stuff like “this little piggy went to Disney” “this little piggy when to universal” she’d also name the toes after characters and continue to wiggle her toes. She would later name the toes after her family members , and said I’m the toe that’s “stuck in the middle” (like Jenna Ortega’s Disney show) the last thing she did was flash the sole of her foot to me, and it just freaked me out to see her feet that close. Despite the weirdness of all the feet stuff, my cousin was 100% there for me on this vacation, and I really couldn’t do it without her. To me, the one thing that stood out was a comment she said, that was so sly, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. I was very close to missing her birthday, and I basically had to make deals to make sure I was there. She later told me she would have been mad if I didn’t show up. It just made me think, I’ve always felt irrelevant to the family, or not important. Like I’d rather be on my own. Coming out this trip, I want to hang out with my cousin more, like she is weird, but she’s hella cool, and I’ve always said “friends over family.” But I felt happier just chilling with my cousin than with my actual friends. I think one of the main things is, I lost my friendship with the girl from North Carolina, and I’ve always been hurt about it. The fact that I sort of see my cousin in a similar light, I feel I have to protect her from any bad stuff. Cause at this point, I don’t want to lose contact with my cousin either. It’s just weird in my mind, the girl from North Carolina, I was in love with, and losing her friendship hurt me badly, even if it was all my fault. I don’t even really talk about love, not even family love, but in my mind I feel like if I could make sure my cousin is always good, i could feel better about losing the love of my life. There is that part of me that is upset, that no matter what, feet will seem to randomly be talked about to me. I will now post the feet of the girl from North Carolina that has somehow really impacted my life

I think I need a social media blackout, or just a break. I feel overwhelmed. Jenna Ortega has always been a comfort person. But, what I always manifested and hope would happen, has kind of backfired on me. I’m happy with how famous Jenna has gotten. But, what I don’t like is now how everyone knows about her. And more people like her now. And it feels weird how so many people criticized me, to now they understand what I saw in her. And it’s not just people, it’s the whole internet that is now raving about her, when she’s been great since 2016. I’m overwhelmed with content. I’m in a weird place, cause for the first time, in a long time, I can say I’m at peace with the girl from North Carolina. I have not thought about her as much since “Wednesday” debuted. I do fully believe, in my heart I will meet the girl of my dream: , Jenna Ortega one day. But, I feel like I just need to find a way to just stay off social media for awhile. Jenna has gotten so popular that I feel like I now have a better shot with Olivia. I don’t know what’s worse, still kissing the girl from North Carolina, or this suffocating love for Jenna Ortega, that now others may similarly have. I see now how powerful manifestation is, but I only say what I truly believe. I believed Jenna would eventually become a superstar. I believe I will eventually meet her.

Jenna Marie Ortega is the absolute girl of my dreams. I’m simply in love with her. And I hope to one day meet her. My love for her, is something out of, getting over the pain of failure, rejection, death and 2020. This goes back to 2017. I moved out my house, and I was kind of hurt, and lonely leaving. Mostly cause of my dog, I missed him like crazy. When I moved, I was bored and would watch tv, and Stuck in the Middle would be on, and I’d watch it. At the time I thought Jenna Ortega was really ugly, but I liked the show and started to watch it. 2019 comes along and “You” season 2 comes out, and Jenna Ortega is in it. At this point I develop a huge crush on her. While working in Pa, they would constantly leave “You” on, and Jenna became someone that I started to find comfort with. 2020 comes along, and dealing with Kobe’s death, the love of my life being pregnant, and my dog dying, was the roughest year I ever endured. The Babbysitter : killer Queen comes out, and I see Jenna Ortega again. I just fall in love with her. I had also bought her book “it’s all love” earlier in the year, cause I liked the idea of it. Now, 2022, comes along and with all her content in Scream, the Fallout, X, and Wednesday, I am in love with her more than ever, as well as most of the other public. I also went to new York’s comic con to try and see her, and I did. It kind of sucks that now the whole world knows who Jenna is, but it’s great for content. And now people, see what I’ve always seen in her. But, the truth is, my obsession and live for Jenna, is just to hide the pain I’ve endured. And Jenna makes me feel so happy and safe. She’s literally so beautiful, and I just enjoy all aspects of her. I wish I could let Jenna know how I feel about her. But, it’s basically, all the content she does is enjoyable, and it just makes me less sad of what has left my life, including the love of my life being pregnant. Jenna’s positive energy, and her charming personally gives me true hope I can never feel depressed, as long as Jenna is there putting on content. She really is a comfort person.

It sucks that the girl from North Carolina is the girl of my dreams. I always have to live with the fact I did her wrong, and blew my shit with her. I’m at a place where it’s not as bad, but I still think about it daily. And I feel so uncomfortable expressing how I feel. She was the one that, helped me with that. And I don’t want to bother people with it. I feel like Im all I have. The thing that helps me a lot, is a comfort celebrity, which is now Jenna Ortega. I love Jenna Ortega Weill all my heart. It’s because her content was always there for me, when I needed tit. When I first left my house in 2017, I randomly watched “stuck in the middle” for some reason. In 2019, I watched her in “You.” In 2020c my most painful year, Kobe died, girl from North Carolina got pregnant, girl I liked got a bf, and my dog died. The day the girl from North Carolina got pregnant, I watched “stuck in the middle” and it helped a bit. In 2022, I’ve watched “Scream”, “The Fallout” “Studio 66 “x” & “American Carriage” there are few bright spots in my life, and Jenna Ortega content, it literally keeps me going. I have some really bad confidence issues, but Jenna Ortega..She really makes me hate life less. It really is hard to explain to friends and family why I’m like this. But, it really is, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive or forget the girl from North Carolina, and the pain hurts still as much as my dog dying. I’ve leaned to accept death, as much as that still hurts. But I’m still hurting that I missed my shot with North Carolina

I still miss this girl like crazy from 2015-2016 . I think about crushes ive had on others, and she’s the only one I feel was real. I miss her. Other than my dog, there’s no one I miss more than her.I can’t explain the hurt, that I’m still blocked on ig and snap. I’ve been trying to talk to her through Facebook, and she responds. I wanna be able to talk to her again. I think what makes me still miss and love her, is she was nice to me. She never really picked on me, or made fun of me. She may have want attention, but she was nice to me. I’ll never forget that she didn’t call me a “creep or weird” I just feel realy alone at times, and sometimes it still gets to me. I’m able to own a ps5, o get the sneakers I want, I’ve done stuff to distract me. I have a lot of celebrity crushes. But, there’s something about her, that I miss.I just remember my friends (her ex) used to always try and get me to admit to something I’ve never told her. I love her. I’ve told other fields before I love them, either real or friendly way. But, with her, I never wanted to admit. I dunno why. I really look at her, and see she’s chubby, but I miss her personality, her voice, her face, her eyes, her double chin, I miss her hairless arms, I miss her cute chubby body. I miss her long toes. I can’t tell you how weird it is, that I have feet pics of her, and she knows it, but she just kinda teased me, never called it weird. I used her feet as something I post, when I feel offended. Her feet are meme worthy. It also hurts, when I use it, cause it reminds me of her. My friend has been using the pci against me. It feels wrong cause she sent it to me, and I feel weird using it now, but I dunno, I just kinda felt unique she sent it to me. She made me feel comfortabl. I made her cry so many times I feel horrible. The fact that she’s a mom now, in another state, it hurts. I’ve tried to move on from her, but deep down I think it’s my hatred for my own self that stops me. I’ve gotten over crushed before, people I didn’t think I’d get over. But, from the minute I saw this girl, I just liked her. I only worked with her for 11 drama filled months. I hung out with her twice in 2017, got too nervous to see her in 2018. The pain still lingers

Bullying

Forever alone

October 26

Frustrations

Dreams

Far from home

Ghost

Friends

Let it snow

13 reasons why season 4