When what she says turns to what she said
She says she's lost
Walking through a life where everything she touches has a high cost
She says she's tired
Yet in a way I see her as closer to wired
Switched on to the blood on our hands
The ecocrises, the genocide's, the deeply mourning of a social world offline
There was once a time…
And in that time she was overlooked
Felt misunderstood
Found herself in her own shadows
And you pprobably already know how that one goes…
Rock bands, experiential bangs, a romantic love affair with whatever it was different enough to be ostracised
To me
Well you see
I think she took life by surprise
Her smile I. am. Telling. You
It's like watching the sun rise
Her sunrays just hit you right from her eyes
As they curve around to frame her smile, the perfect highlight
Type of smile that has you want to stare a while
She says she's frustrated
Like everyone with any power in this world has her feeling baited
These artifical lives are being sold as fated
Truly
She just yearns for more
Yearns for the magic hidden in books to be the magic experienced in the physical the spiritual the emotional
It would be a humanity cure for sure
She doesn't believe in things like that anymore
Hasn't in a long time
Says she wishes I knew the young her that did
And I'd have loved to have known her at 9
Ten eleven eighteen nineteen twenty-five
I wish I was there for every opportunity I could have had just to make her feel more alive
Protect her from all the rotten lies
That threaten to shape her pysche or blind her eyes from the beauty I still see
Be my best friend's
Best
Friend
From day one
And maybe if we'd have had that she'd actually feel like she was my one
The one
That way I wouldn't have to worry that any bump could cause her…
to run
As she expects the end before she can ever stop to see if there's a mend
She's got this
Sweetness this
Inner keeness
For a world with less of this neatness
This need to be less
In order get through it all unnoticed
Evade all the threats this world has to us forever boasted
Us the empaths, us the queers, us the thinkers, the ones to question
Everything
She feels like she's gonna sink but yet
She swims.
She's the light seen through the pitch black
And all I could find myself wishing was that she knows that
But then who am I to ask that
Even more lost even more sunk
All I have on that is my willingness
To persevere in order to make it from the mess
Make changes that make the troubles of the world seem less
But
Well
She just says she's over a lot of things
She said I'd never be one of them
I know people sure do say a lot of things…
I guess with her I just really felt
Well sort of chosen?
From the very first moment you could say she had me frozen
She had me so taken, and she just looks back and ropes me in
Guess that's when I had started unintentionally hoping
Hoping that whenever she talks about being over things
I won't be one of them
So now I guess I'm a little…
Broken.
I want to remind her of things she would say
When promising to always communicate if things ever went the wrong way
When assuring to never let the other drift too far unless all routes had been tested
But now alas, it's just me who is tested
Because I know if I remind you of things you would say
It still won't change what you have said
And 'we should break up'
And 'I promise I won't message again'
Yeah… Those will be staying in my head
For I don't know how many nights as I lay my down on my bed
Wretching
My stomach my heart
Burning
My skin
It's suddenly so thin
Who knew something that felt so eternal
Would look invisible on you as your words so causally slip fatal poisen into the world we had built
Between our words
Our fantasies
Our emotional capacities
Our building blocks passed to and fro on each other's growth in communicating in resting in being in healing in loving
So
So
In love
Weren't we
In love?
Your new empty words and cut throat replies make it seem like I just imagined it
Maybe I was the fool for believing in it?
Was my reality of the love so different to yours?
I'll likely never know the cause
And maybe I'm writing this so that the last that is said of us
Isnt the few words you felt were enough to effectively bury 'us'
