So I got to talk to my friend Richard today and he video called, I was a mess, but I enjoyed talking to a friend for a while. We did the usualy, told me about his job and I talked about how much I absolutely hate where I am and want to go home. And we chatted about friends we've heard from here and there.
I miss friends, today was surreal and upsetting, but I'm so glad I got to talk to Richard.
...and now I just want to go home. I think I've finally written my last pages here in Kansas City. Alison will finish school soon and I don't think she plans to stay here. She wants to go where neurobiological research is popping and be in the center of it, and I don't want to be in the way of that...
This disability crap has my head spinning. I have an evaluation on the 17th, and I'm going to start making plans the moment I finish and hear about that.
I'd love to be... anywhere but here. I'm alone, car doesn't work, and when I reach out, I get flac, or nothing at all. It's taking a toll on my anxiety, and I'm not responsible for how everyone else feels about me, it's their problem. I'm going to take some time, find a place that's going to make me and my interests happy, and figure out how to go. I may have to get a job and save for a bit, and that what the kids are encouraging...
Where? How? When? That's all being put on the table.
Saying I haven't been to a love gig since the 90's has really put a strange weight on my mind, because that was all I used to do, before I got here. And I think not going is what made the anxiety take over, so it could be as simple as finding the scenes I want to be close to, and working on that.
The main reason for the plan though, is my health. Stirring in the back of my mind is still the fact that, while I was in California, my asthma was gone, the air here has everything to do with it. Having trouble walking, I can deal with. I knew my entire life it was going to be difficult, but not being able to breathe, when there's a simple fix for it... I have to consider it, and do something about that.
Another reason to get the hell out of here...
Anyway, that's what on my plate, today. I did finish some cool experiments on my web site today. I even learned how to make a random generator at the top that says something different every time you refresh, check it out!