4ever long

I'm not going to neglect the seeds I've planted

Everytime I post 😼 : man I can't wait till this hot hell, this savory heaven pops up in their feeds hehe 😁🤣

When did I become self conscious and scared? I was wilding out going full manic mode. Then took a nose dive into this depressive episode. Yet honesty, I don't think any of it made sense until now. I just haven't been in a good mental state the past few months 🤕 mehh I don't think anyone is coming back now but my friends don't appear to be too judgmental so maybe I shouldn't be so worried about it. I just feel weird reaching out. I hope they know I love them all very dearly :3 they were actually there for me a lot 🥺 I'm sure if I texted some they'd respond 😪 I'm thankful to have friends. It means the world to be thought of. I feel like I don't express that enough. Always feeling "lovesick" and all... maybe it's time to think of the platonic love I have to be grateful for ^^ I really don't think I wanna romantically love anyone for at least awhile though part of me wouldn't mind saying that with even more permanence.

Hi FBI :3 yes I am normal 0_0 oops >_<

I liked the way you enjoyed food first >_< I miss eating 😢 I always thought it was pretty cute 😪

I'm nothing but my pain to a lot of people. I don't except to be anything but suffocated by that projection. Pain is heavy, something no one wants to carry nowadays. There's no choice but to be strong. For me to walk alone. I lead anyone I loved to ruin. The karma eats me alive at night. There's no choice but to keep quiet and be ignored by everyone. Please stop trying to be the one to combat these terrible thoughts. Why do you look at me differently? Why? I am not. I am as bad as I'd tell you. Does being honest make it any better? No. I'm a gross disgusting creature you should've left in the place you found me in. Since then I lost my way. The soft glances you give that penetrate my heart beyond what I can express. I think about you all day and night but you're unlikely to notice. I hope you don't notice how intensely I look at you. My heart beats for anyone. Anyone I let in. My heart just beats for them. I can't control it. I'm a monster. A touch starved tortured soul, repressed by ideals. I wish I could just bury everything I feel. I wish I could just bury this existence and become nothing. Not the dirt beneath your feet, but pitch black darkness. No percievable thing. I'm done being the Tiger at the zoo for all of you. This instinct to lash out has only ever been me. Everything that was sacred or sentimental to me has long since been destroyed over and over again. I won't do it to you. I won't. I will not. Not ever. Please stop I'm so hungry. Please never again. I'm done with self preservation. I can't. Just please just let me let myself starve this time. I don't want to continue this. I am ashamed for what I have done. Please don't look at me like this. Please just stop looking at me. Please just forget you were ever so burdened by me. Please don't hurt. I know you loved me.