Jayden's Moodboards

hi! i did a giveaway like this one on instagram for 10k followers (before ig terminated me) so i figured it'd only be fair to offer one on here as well. below are some examples of what you could win, important links, & rules:

1. one reblog = one entry. can reblog to enter as many times as you want to increase your chances of winning.

2. must be following me here @sweatermuppet

3. three winners will be selected on dec 24th via direct messages. each winner will be allowed to chose one shirt in any available form (t-shirt, crewneck, hoodie). i will cover both the shirt cost & shipping cost. this is open globally.

⬇️ examples of shirts in my store ⬇️ (click images for better quality)

i have almost 50 designs listed, so if you'd like to see more, check out my entire stock here

natasha: i’m a bit confused, and more than a little frightened

pierre: AND I’LL KEEP DRINKING,FOR 42 YEARS, AN OLD OLD MAN ALL ALONE IN HIS CHAIR, WATCHING GAME SHOWS AND MAKING FUN OF THE CONTESTANTS FOR THEIR STUPID ANSWERS AND THEIR WASTED LIVES

sonya: i am not a hero, i am not a movie star, i’m the same as you

marya d: she believes in the restorative properties of the ocean, the importance of sharing meals, and in never drinking coffee on the go

anatole: i like to lose my mind, get blurry, sloppy, boozy and blind. i like to put my hand on a pretty girl’s knee, and i got four dear friends to help me!

hélène: WHY DON’T YOU JUST HAVE ANOTHER FUCKING DRINK AND SHUT THE FUCK UP?

dolokhov: take me out back, and shoot me in the alley

bolkonsky: my son, my son, get away from me! throw away your things, pack your bags and just flee!

mary: i will try to forgive myself for living in the dark

balaga: THE DRIVER ZONES OUT

It’s yours to interpret. If the video meant that to you, then that’s what it means.

“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

“Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

“He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

“It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

I think Ianto had been lonely for a long, long time. Much longer than the show suggests. The after math of losing Lisa wasn’t the first time Ianto was lonely I think. We know that he had a very estranged relationship with his family, and we know that he was a drifter when he came to London. He tells Rachel Allan in Torchwood One: Before the Fall that he didn’t think his father liked him very much, that his mother and sister were “very Welsh” which I think he meant they complained about him a lot or something (which we see Rhiannon do in CoE).

Yvonne Hartman, in her plea to get Ianto to help her, reminds Ianto that he’d been lost and alone when he came to London and she had given him a place at Canary Wharf. It was because of her that he had a job at all and she reminds him of that and the fact that she helped him with his crush on Lisa. 

And then Rachel says something about how friendly everyone at Torchwood One is, that they all “actually” like her and she feels like she has a place and is included and liked for the first time. I mean, Rachel isn’t exactly a reliable narrator, but considering how friendly everyone was and how they treated Ianto, who was a lonely outcast in his own right, this was probably true enough. Torchwood found brilliant, but lonely people who had nothing else and gave them purpose. Torchwood Three did the same thing (minus Gwen who was hired for her compassion police connections instead). When you have someone who has nothing else in their life, it’s easy to get them to commit to your organization. 

And for someone like Ianto, who left home as soon as he could and always felt lonely and like he didn’t belong, and who had very little self-worth, to find a place like that where people weren’t just kind, but genuinely loved and cared for him when they didn’t have to, that must have meant everything to him. Ianto had friends, he was respected and loved, he had a girlfriend eventually. 

Then the Battle of Canary Wharf happened. Ianto didn’t just lose a job, he didn’t just lose a girlfriend. Ianto lost everything. He lost his boss whom he was fond of and who respected him, he lost all of his friends, he lost his very purpose. In just a few hours, Ianto was alone again. That must have killed him inside.

but then he found Lisa, half converted but still very much alive and Ianto desperately clung to her and the possibility of saving her. His purpose became to save her rather than live as a survivor of a horrible event. When he told Jack in Cyberwoman that he had nothing left to lose, he meant it. He had no friends in Cardiff. Torchwood Three operated very differently from London. It wasn’t like the others disliked Ianto when he started working there, but Torchwood Three was very closed off and Ianto was closed off from Torchwood Three because he was still traumatized from Canary Wharf and everything that was happening with Lisa. Ianto went from working in one of the tallest buildings in the country, Yvonne Hartman’s right hand, with plenty of windows and an open atmosphere to working in an underground base with a man whose real name no one knows, serving coffee and cleaning up the trash.  

Ianto didn’t just lose Lisa at the end of Cyberwoman. He lost his last connection to a life that he’d made for himself, a life where he’d been happy and felt like he belonged. Also, considering his belief that he is expendable and his lack of self-worth, that he would willingly die to save the world and the people he loved, he must have really believed that he had nothing else to lose because he’s never really thought that his life mattered. He’d already lost everything at Canary Wharf and all he’d had left was Lisa.