no-label talk.
It’s tough. Requires a lot of patience and understanding. It’s a roller coaster filled with emotional doubts, paranoia and a cycle of wanting to understand your other half.
It all started with a guy named Toby. He’s unique, ideal, dreamy and a whole lot of maturity. He’s also an independent mess, thus, requires a lot of patience and understanding.
We’ve had several small talks as to where we are going with this whole thing. He knows me for who I am and what I am. The focus is on me and not the who’s, the what’s, the why’s, and the when’s that’s revolving my whole identity.
I reciprocate the same perspective. This whole understanding is partner-centric. I’m not gonna say that it is an arrangement as stating it would be half-hearted. I am not confident enough to say that it is so because it involves something bigger than rules; it involves feelings and emotions.
Everything is authentic. And he’s a bad liar so I know when to actually drop everything and save myself if ever *knocks on wood* that’s going to be the case. The factor that glues everything together is your sincerity towards yourself; that what you feel is real and it lights up your world. Because when it goes down to leaving each other, you have the confidence to say that the feelings and emotions that you brought in while you were dating each other was genuine (at least, that’s my opinion about it).
No pretenses. Not towards your partner but towards yourself. That you are real regardless of the reason of what tore the partnership apart. And that would bring down the guilt to the other soul. That he wasted his time pretending he’s in love with you only to find out that THAT he wasn’t in it for the long haul (big ego-breaker, I know *winks*). And it’s a good measure of how mature he is. Because he wouldn’t last this long without a label if he wasn’t true to himself. True towards what he feels when he’s involved with you.
You’ll find waiting for each other’s time. He’s not available because he has other priorities than your exchange of affection. Same goes for me. I can’t be there for him 24/7 because I have stuff on my back as well. But when it goes down to it, you’ll have each other’s support by the end of the day.
Partnership over ownership. Cliche, I know, but it’s easier said than absorbed. Like I said, It takes a whole lot of maturity to let this perspective sink in.
It’s been more than a year since we started dating. Yes, I do have doubts sometimes but then I ask myself: Do I love him? Yes. And that’s more than enough not to get ahead of myself.
We do talk. It’s an exchange of perspective and a time for validation that we’re still in tact. He is mine and I am his. Regardless of availability. That connection and the understanding of it all are more important.
So when you ask me why I’m not letting go yet, it’s because I haven’t found the reason to save myself from going deeper with him. I wanna live every moment available for us, because I have so many reasons to be sincere and genuine about my feelings and I love how it feeds my soul. All the positive things coming into place.
Being official is just a label. It’s the pretty wrapping for what’s really supposed to be inside. The present itself is the realness of the actual gift.
And we all realize after that that so-called label/wrapping will just be ripped apart because what matters is what’s inside.
Cliche, again. Love and live for the moment. Be selfish in feeding your heart. Reciprocate and be generous towards your partner. Create another world while you’re in it because that experience is unique in itself.
