The Elegant Geek

I’m putting together a book of all the short comics I’ve drawn over the past year to have for sale at my spring conventions! Not sure what the title will be yet, but the uniting themes of all the stories seem to be Girls and Magic.

oh NO

and to further elaborate on my feelings on this scene: oh NOOOOOOO

but seriously, here is why i think this was particularly gorgeous:

1) up until now, the show has been giving the viewer (or at least, me) the impression of a very equal relationship between the two, perhaps even with michiru being the slightly stronger half. while haruka is the one who’s more focused on their mission, to the point where she hardly wavers at the thought of sacrificing innocents, michiru comes off as somehow more adult, a sort of emotional buffer for haruka. when haruka is visibly, deeply conflicted for the first time by the possibility of taking away usagi’s soul, michiru doesn’t push her the way haruka always does to her, instead offering comfort, support and understanding. plus, she’s the only one who can poke holes in haruka’s super cool and nonchalant act.

but then this scene completely flips that on its head?? the last thing i was expecting from michiru, who’s practically in a league all of her own, is for her to admire haruka to such a degree. and it’s this sort of idol crush that’s very typical for girls her age, but when you look at michiru nothing about her is typical for girls her age, so that comes as a really pleasant surprise. it humanizes her a lot more.

2) feeding even further into my reading of (younger) michiru as someone who suffers from some serious self-esteem issues, some of them relating to her sexuality. of course, this is all subjective reading, but ugh– she’s been watching her from afar this whole time, never once having planned to come forth about her feelings, harshly mocks them in front of haruka as if talking about a third party, and when she confesses to her it’s only when she thinks she might die and then apologizes to her for telling her. she just. she feels her feelings are completely laughable, and she wants haruka to affirm it for her, because she wants the confirmation that she’s a freak with ridiculous, unattainable fantasies. and even when she finally tells her outright she just treats it as if it’s a burden for haruka. 

and, okay, not in this scene– but when haruka yells at her for trying to drag her into this whole soldier thing, and tells her ‘and i’d like for you to stop investigating me!’ and michiru’s hands barely-noticeably tighten in her lap before she lashes back out at her– maybe it’s just an initial sign of anger, but rewatching it now, what if it’s hurt? she didn’t just approach haruka to ask for her help, she also approached her out of admiration, and got turned down point-blank without haruka even considering her feelings. and now haruka’s talking about it without trying to conceal her disgust. that was exactly the confirmation she was looking for, but god if it doesn’t sting.

and she looks up to haruka for being honest with her feelings, which is the exact opposite of what she’s been until now, and for not depending on anyone, which is just incredibly sad because michiru is such a strong, independent young woman but she feels so utterly helpless and lost and alone. after their argument, she completely gave up trying to recruit haruka to fight by her side – now she’s aiming for the opposite, to guarantee that haruka retains her safe, normal life. she would’ve liked for haruka to fight with her– she was happy when she realized she was the one, she said – but when all’s said and done, she didn’t really want it for her, because she knew it would cause her pain. so why did she approach haruka in the first place? if she was sure from the start that her feelings won’t be returned, and if she wasn’t even that adamant about having haruka join her…?

the fleeting hope that she still would, perhaps, so that michiru wouldn’t be alone.

and if not that– had she been able to paint that portrait, maybe that would have been enough.

this scene being REALLY GORGEOUS ON EVERY LEVEL ASIDE can we talk about

the hands

michiru takes hold of haruka’s hand. haruka is still, for a moment, before slowly and gently (reluctantly? or trying not to upset michiru?) trying to pull her hand free, but michiru doesn’t allow it, finally grasping it in her own as haruka relents. haruka is clearly uncomfortable, with her awkward laugh and ‘h-hey, what’s wrong?’ line. and it just kills me in the heart on so many levels, but there are two main factors that i think lead up to her reaction:

one, it is a clearly very emotionally involved gesture. haruka and michiru don’t do that. they joke about it all the time, sure, they tease and they flirt, but at the end of the day, they’re not lovers. if someone asks, they say they’re not, and they themselves don’t see themselves as such. it’s not that they’re not in love with each other. i think it’s plain to see for anyone who looks at them, really. but it’s as michiru said – 'we can’t afford the luxury of falling in love’. michiru’s feelings for haruka have been out in the open from day one, but i like to think that they each shoved them to the backs of their respective minds and instead joke around the possibility. because they have a duty to fulfill, and they need to focus on it and it alone. so they might as well pretend those feelings don’t exist.

i also like to read haruka as being aware of michiru’s feelings, but making a semi-conscious effort to forget about them and laugh them off, because as much of a flirt as she is, anything involving feelings and relationships and attachment just leaves her at a total loss. so on the rare occasion where michiru’s feelings rise to the surface, she doesn’t know how to handle them, at all.

two, building off of that: michiru locks her feelings deep inside of her, and does not let them out unless there’s a reason for it. her confession to haruka was made when she was lying in her arms, bleeding half to death. the fact she’s acting like this now means she knows something is very, very wrong. like she has to do it now, or she’ll never get the chance to again. they’re going to die. michiru knows.

have you watched?? the show?? at all

the way michiru treats men is essentially the same way she would a dog repeatedly butting its head into a parked car: with no small amount of sympathy to be sure, because it’s trying so earnestly, and it’s certainly cute in that sense, but just, you know, with a palpable amount of pity and more than a little amusement. there is not one singular instance where michiru appeared even mildly impressed by a man at any point in the show. the way she views haruka is on a completely separate plane from from the way she views men.

then there’s the fact that during her confession, she explains how her love and adoration towards haruka are rooted in her being true to herself, and refusing to rely on anyone. now, the story never lays down anything explicit about michiru’s backstory, but it doesn’t take an awfully large logical leap to assume the reason michiru admires those traits in haruka is because she herself lacks them. undoubtedly hailing from a well-to-do, proper home, michiru is the very image of the perfect 'proper’ girl: radiating femininity from head to toe, delicate and graceful, impeccably polite, a master of the arts – not to mention the difficulty she repeatedly displays in voicing her desires and feelings, presumably out of some ingrained compulsive need to not appear 'selfish’, ‘irrational’ or 'spoiled’. while those behaviors are certainly inherent aspects of michiru’s personality, there’s no doubt they’re a result of her upbringing, as well. growing up, she probably never imagined she could be another way. that anyone could be.

enter haruka, who blatantly has zero regard for what anyone thinks a girl should be – with her short hair and men’s clothes, the youngest-ever champion of a male-dominated sport, she is as far away from 'proper femininity’ as humanly possible. and she’s gorgeous and elegant and confident, and doesn’t care what anyone has to say. that makes her powerful. that makes her worthy of awe.

now, do you think michiru would have been remotely struck by a straight cis man wearing straight cis man clothes and driving a straight cis man race car. do you think that would signify absolutely anything in her eyes. do you. do you really.

first set: 

haruka: are you saying that’s why you don’t care how you accomplish it?!

michiru: that’s right. i don’t care what means i use.

second set:

makoto: do you use any means possible to get [the talismans]?

haruka: that’s right. we use any means we can.

for a very long time i’ve been invested in the interpretation that michiru essentially conditioned haruka into the cold, mission-oriented soldier she is by the time they appear in s. i wrote about it here in my original watch, even! what i haven’t noticed until today is that it’s rooted far more explicitly in the text than i thought.

the subtitles word it differently, but in actuality, haruka parrots michiru’s answer word for word. this is a painfully clear demonstration of the stark shift in her worldview: the first time she heard those words was when she was the one trying to fight against that rationale. she used to be that idealistic, bright-eyed hero. but that was years ago – that part of her is all but gone now, and you only need to look as far as her words’ source to understand the cause.

ive been hoping one day someone would ask for ml fic recs bc Boy Do I Have Some

Tell me something i dont know (+ anything by @chatnoirinette​ ​is just incredible, another fav of mine is  Why Are You Like This?)

Marichat soulmates au fic!! I’m normally too impatient for WIP’s but this one is just SO SO GOOD it alternates between hilarious chatfic chapters and beautiful prose chapters and just the balance and pacing and humor and characterizations in this fic are so incredible. maryssa is one of the funniest people I know and she writes these characters SO well I honestly cannot recommend this fic enough

new marinette (+ anything by @rosekasa​, please just read through her ao3 works im begging)

listen. ive seen this fic recced by so many people and it’s because it’s just THAT good. if you’ve ever allowed yourself to wonder what might happen after ladybug gives up guardianship and loses her memories... let me just say this fic broke my heart a million times in the most beautiful ways. reading new marinette was a cultural reset just for me, personally, and if you’re into gorgeous prose and cute moments and bittersweet storylines PLEASE give it a read

comfort food (+anything by reiaji)

THIS FIC. I swear I read this fic months ago and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. Reiaji’s prose is just incredibly beautiful and the characterizations are so so so true to the characters, I was absolutely blown away by this fic. I especially love how adrien is written in this one, it perfectly encapsulates the way growing up sheltered contributed to his awkwardness and eagerness about trying new things. and just,, the adrinette of it all,, if for no other reason please read this fic bc the world is in desperate need of adrinette cooking together content

the last day on earth by reiaji

okay this one actually just updated recently and when I TELL you it’s been living in my mind,, the concept is that marinette keeps having to fight chat blanc periodically as they get older and it’s all just so tragic and captivating and beautiful I honestly. like. can’t believe it’s not a published book. I got the email from ao3 for this one and did not even HESITATE before opening a new tab during zoom class and devouring it. if you’re into mutual pining and hurt/comfort and just generally things that are good I would HIGHLY recommend

Breaking The Rules (AKA The Ladrien Fistfight) by ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap aka @marinetteplztakeabreak​

THIS FIC IS SO FUNNY DKFJKDLF literally like,, the concept of a ladrien fistfight alone is enough to make me wheeze but then the actual writing and the circumstances of it all are just.. if you havent read the ladrien fistfight fic yet this is me telling you it is a basic human survival need

the montparnasse scene’s downgraded, budget-sliced, straight-to-video of a sequel (or: adrien takes a tumble) by @bugaboo-n-bananoir​

the first time I read this fic I CRIED LAUGHING and I read it like 3 more times in a row because the serotonin does not stop flowing from this one. tbh I come back to this fic anytime I need to feel better because it just handles the ridiculousness of this show and these characters SUBLIMELY and adrien’s inner dialogue cracks me up so much. yes adrien it is suspicious to take a second fake shower!! read this fic for instant joy!!!!!

(ok I dont have time to write blurbs for the rest but trust me these are all so worth it and I could write paragraphs abt all of them!!!!)

The Wrong Balcony (+ anything by Taliax)

The Prescription by Taliax

Kiss shy (+ anything by @emsylcatac​)

A little push by @emsylcatac​

Wisdom (or lack thereof) by constantconfusion14

Be My Ears, Be My Eyes by constantconfusion14

Guessing Game (+ anything by @peachcitt)

Teacher knows best by @zipadeea​

Liquid Luck by @somethingvaguetodo

Longer Fight Than Usual by walkingonthestars

Looking for a talented, proper writing partner to have some fun with these characters.

I’m certainly more of an ‘Anne’ than an ‘Ann’, but I’d be open to either!

Also open to Mariana/other escapades as well.

((I’m a professional actress and have high degrees in English and theatre so I like to think I know what I’m doing ;-) ))

So, if anyone would like to have some fun in this wonderful world with these extraordinary people/characters please do reach out!

(More than happy to offer ‘writing/RP prompts/examples’ as well!)

PM me or comment here!

Source

Want more info? Here ya go: 

This Biology Teacher Disproved Transphobia With Science 

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“The idea of two sexes is simplistic. Biologists now think there is a wider spectrum than that.”