fate don't fail me now

my dead wife. the ad free internet

any of the make a wish kids could have just wished for global communism but they’re all selfishly obsessed with lego and marvel

can we make contact with aliens already im losin hope here

who fucking cares if your cat eats you when you die. i hope so. my baby is petite with a petite stomach that needs to be full every 8 to 10 hours. she probably won’t even like my viscera but let her do what she needs

“your dog wouldn’t eat your corpse” dumb as fuck ngl too emotional & no survival instinct my child has let me down by turning away from my final act of love

“Lol” hasn’t meant “laughing out loud” in like 15 years… it’s just a word now and more importantly it’s the perfect way to end a sentence lol

my nails are so long I keep chipping them HELP

i just remembered this time my aunt was mediating a fight between me and my mom so she asked us to think of compliments for each other to remind us how much we love and respect each other and one of my mom’s compliments for me was “it’s very kind of you to date so many short feminine men.”

well? was she right?

i never got a chance to smoke darts in a carpark