"I survive, it's all I do"

You deserve family who try to understand your illness.

You deserve family who try to accommodate your illness.

You deserve family who respect your decisions regarding your illness.

Getting worse isn’t a character fault, and it isn’t a failure on your end.

Your disabled/chronically ill body is not your fault. You didn’t decide that this would be the best way to live, you didn’t choose to become disabled; you didn’t choose to be born into a disabled body.

Getting worse isn’t a personal failure. Your body is trying its best with what it has, and it getting worse doesn’t reflect your character.

It’s not your fault that this is the body you have, but it’s not your body’s fault, either— even if you have a disease/condition that is turning itself onto your body to attack it, it isn’t your body’s fault. Its working with what is has, even if it seems like it’s against you all the time. Trust me, I know how it is.

It’s hard to not hate something that hurts you, but keeping recognition that it’s working in the only way it knows how is important.

Who didn't stop to think how hard the hill would be to climb but dashed to the top,

Who didn't worry about what the mirror had to say,

Who laughed loudly and smiled wide no matter what people thought,

Who loved what surprises life had to offer,

Who imagined the endless possibilities without a care of whether or not they were realistic,

Who danced and sang no matter the audience.

I miss younger me, but she is no more because,

Anxiety strangled her,

Depression surpressed her,

Pain made her bitter,

Exhaustion drained her,

Cruelty tore her heart,

we are remembering March 2020. how when hospitals get overwhelmed, we are 'triaged' to death to prioritize nondisabled people.

how 'don't worry, healthy people won't get severely ill (but it's fine if disabled people die)' was the messaging back then too, except now the virus is much more infectious.

immunocompromised people with 3 vax doses apparently have the same protection against omicron as unvaccinated healthy people.

and we're waiting for the medical system to cancel our non covid related medical care.

i got almost no medical care for the first year because i decided the risk of covid outweighed the risk of delaying.

please check on us. please remind us we're not alone. that was the most painful part of the early months, for me at least. feeling like we had to face this alone, like only other disabled people cared if we survived.

Comic on having long-COVID as a young person. Sending love to others who may be similarly suffering.

Ko-Fi

(ID under the cut)

-it is choosing between making food or taking a shower

-it is having to take meds on an empty stomach and dry heaving through a morning

-it is knowing that you can’t possibly balance your school/work, social life, and physical fitness all at the same time

-it is barely being able to handle one

-it is years of having to miss out on years of events and parties and being dubbed “antisocial” because of it 

-it is spending 99% of your time in pain and alone 

- it is uncontrollable rapid weight gain (or loss) which will be blamed on your diet or lack of exercise even though exercise often isn’t possible and a good diet is hard tot maintain due to dietary requirements and inability to cook for yourself

- it is constantly fighting for any sort of support whether it is medical help, financial help, care or accessibility.

- it is constantly having to rely on other people for help and support.

- it is a never ending fight with your internalised ableism. Which can sometimes make you question yourself thanks to years of gas lighting.

- it is spending a lot of time in bed wishing you could be out living your life.

Chronic pain isn’t just being in pain. It doesn’t just affect you physically but emotionally, socially, psychologically and even financially.